It’s so awesome that Clay Aiken has been
out and about recently because each and every report of the his behavior allows me to play my favorite game: How Is That Not Gay? It’s a nonstop brainteaser as long as the self-described straight man is in public and, like, doing stuff.
Today’s game of How Is That Not Gay involves an alleged bust-up on an airplane Saturday morning between Clay and a fellow passenger (who, in fact, wasn’t a fellow at all). An FBI special agent reported that a spat broke out between a male former American Idol contestant (gee, wonder how many of them were on the same flight as Clay) and a woman, after said contestant put his foot on her arm rest. In response, she shoved him and then flight crew stepped in. Clay later that day told a concert audience that he was beat up by a girl, crying behind his laughter, no doubt.
A physical altercation with a girl? How is that not gay? How much do you want to bet that what went really down was something like the olden days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves and say, y’know, "D’Artagnan! How dare you talk to me like that, you!," and smack ‘em? [AP/Yahoo! / Image credit: Getty]
If you’re going to deny that you’re gay, you might want to do a little bit better of a job keeping tidbits like this from the NY Daily News out of the gossip rags:
"Clay Aiken and a bevy of male chorus dancers partied into the wee hours at Cain nightclub over the weekend. The group was celebrating the forthcoming Off-Broadway show, "Idol:
The Musical" which is all about Clay and his "Claymates," the fans who
love him. The guaranteed-to-be-a-classic show begins previews July 5. Spies say the group ordered multiple bottles of Snow Queen vodka and poured into cabs together after a long night."
A bevy of male dancers? Snow Queen vodka? At least show up with a couple of lady groupies and guzzle some beer, Clay. Otherwise your Claymates are gonna freak, and we know that’s never pretty.
Just when you thought Idol hysteria couldn’t get any more absurd, Idol: The Musical comes along. Slated for an Off Broadway run with previews beginning July 5th, the new musical will focus on a group of students in Steubenville, Ohio who meet daily to share in their worship of Clay Aiken in an abandoned barn that "doubles as a shrine" to Aiken. For real. The play reaches its climax when the midwest leg of the Idol Tour is announced, and along with the usual performances in Chicago and Memphis, there’s a stop in Steubenville as well. No word on how Clive Davis feels on this one…