by (@katespencer)

J. Lo to Pimp Babies on Reality Show

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J.Lo has millions upon billions of dollars from her perfume, clothing line and oh yeah – that acting and singing career she once had. So why the hell does she need – much less want – to do a reality TV show about motherhood? The TLC show is already in production and will document Lope’z daily struggles to juggle motherhood – ie: yelling at the nannies – with the launch of her new perfume. ?I?m looking forward to sharing this exciting journey together,? says the momzilla. Yes, sharing the journey with a handful of viewers and the 40 servants who will really do all the “work” on the show will be SO exciting!

  • The amount J.Lo rakes in for her reality TV stint: $1.2 million (just a guess)
  • Screwing up your baby twins forever on national TV: priceless [People]

by (@katespencer)

J. Lo Shows Off Her Really Expensive Twins

jlobabies.jpgJennifer Lopez might as well be holding two gold bricks in this pic. Meet her precious newborns, Max and Emme, who helped the diva rack in a rumored $3 million for the pics inside this week’s People mag. The babies are cute and all, but $3 million? Those kids are worth some dough! They should totally take on Shiloh and Suri for richest human under the age of two (though according to Gawker, Shiloh’s pics actually pulled in more cash). The real test comes when we find out how well this cover sold – did J. Lo jump the shark after Gigli or are we still hooked on her drama (and butt)?

by (@katespencer)

J. Lo Welcomes Babies into World of Ridiculous Privilege

jenniferlopez.jpgHello, new Lopez-Anthony royalty. We do not know your names yet, little twins, but let us imagine them to be Jennifer 2: The Sequel and Mennifer. You are new to this earth – only 12 hours old – but surely you are already wise. You have seen how sexy and glamorous that woman whose breasts you are not allowed to suckle is, and surely you’ve marveled at the Armani couture birthing garment that she wore for your special day. You’ve been swaddled in diapers made of zebra hair and silk and nestled into your nursery as Diana Ross herself sings you lullabies. You are special. You are spoiled. Enjoy it. Don’t feel bad when you are each driven around in your own Escalade pulled by Clydesdale horses. Do not resist the temptation to carry around that miniature Balenciaga bag. You can do whatever you want – BUT! – whatever you do, do not be seen rolling with those Federline boys. They’re already bad news. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: John Mayer Takes It Off

johnmayer.jpgJohn Mayer Embraces his Inner Borat
The singer with a sense of humor jogged around his Mayercraft cruise ship in only a “Borat” bathing suit. The guy’s got balls – literally.? [DListed]

Michelle Williams Arrives in Australia for Funeral
The actress and her daughter are down under for the private funeral of her ex-fiancee Heath Ledger.? [Us]

Kim Kardashian?s Reps Bash Lawsuit
Of course she’s innocent – the girl would never do anything that would get her BAD press!? [Us]

Britney Regrets Teen Boob Job

Um…among other things?? [NY Post]

J. Lo?s Twins: Two Brats are Better Than One
As if we already didn’t know – the singer is knocked up with two tots. Twice the baby bling!? [People]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Gwen’s Back for Baby #2

gwen-stefani.jpgTony Romo Woos Jessica with a Song
She may not suck at football, but at least they can both suck at singing together. Now that’s what we call soulmates. [Us]

J. Lo?s Babies Get Normal-ish Names
Emme and Max Lopez-Anthony, meet your new family, the paparazzi! [Star]

Gwen?s Baby Belly Back in Business
Gav and Gwen are adding to their clan. If it’s a girl, do you think they’ll call her Queenston? [Star]

Britney Numbs Pain with New Car
There’s no problem a $55,000 Mercedes (paid for in cash, obvs) can’t fix. Bi-polar disorder be damned! [TMZ]

Lindsay Lohan Loyal to Vodka
LL stands for Lindsay Lohan and Leggings n’ Liquor. [NYDN]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Nicole and Her Baby are Twins!

nicolerichie.jpgKatie Holmes Only Answers Easy Questions
It’s not that she’s avoiding those Scientology questions, it’s just that it’s pretty hard to explain how she became pregnant with the sperm of a dead dude. Check out video of Katie talking like a zombie on Good Morning America HERE.? [NYP]

Joel Madden Blogs About Baby
The new dad proudly reveals on his website that his new daughter “looks so much like her mom its crazy!” Ah right, because they both once weighed 7 pounds.? [Us]

OMG! High School Musical 3 Is Happening!
The whole cast is back! It’s a feature film! Tween freakout!!! [People]

Eva?s Not Jumping on the Baby Bandwagon

Nope, she’s just gained ten pounds from eating so much while on strike. Finally, someone sets a good example in Hollywood.? [People]

Ex-Manager Calls J. Lo “Unprofessional”
It’s a dumping whodunnit – J. Lo claims she gave her manager the boot on Friday, but his people dissed her and called her hubby “meddling.” Let’s just assume they’re all annoying and call it a day.? [NYDN]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Jessica’s a High Maintenance Pal

jessica-eva.jpgJessica Simpson?s Got Beef with Pal Eva
Jess is supposedly all pissed that her BFF Eva Longoria was spotted hanging with John Mayer. Bros before annoying whiny pains in the ass, right Eva? [NYP]

Madonna Stepping Up to Back Hillary
Look out Oprah, there’s a new famous lady campaigning for a Dem in town! [NYDN]

J.Lo?s Twin?s Are Already Spoiled
These mofo’s are having three different nurseries designed for them – one at each mansion. Let’s just leave it at that. [NYDN]

Britney Acts Crazy, Looks Like Crap
Hey ya’ll! Just me and my pink wig, driving around like a freak! Ya’ll should buy my album so I can afford more Frappucinos! [TMZ]

Angelina Names Shiloh the Family Outcast
Jolie calls her biological baby the family outcast because she’s looks different from her other kids. She’s just giving Shiloh that much more ammo to use against her when she turns 13. [DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Monday: J.Lo’s Mouth Shut on Baby Bump

jlo108.jpgNaughty Beyonce Enjoys Burlesque Show
B and her group of girls got down at an NYC burlesque show. So this is why Jay likes her. [NYP]

J.Lo Keeps Baby Bump Under Wraps
J. Lo stayed silent on her rumored pregnancy and chose only to belt out songs at her NYC show. An announcement on that baby bump probably would’ve sounded better. [NYDN]

Britney Goin? Broke
Brit’s blowing through her cash stash like a pile of good nose candy. Maybe it’s time to put down the tacos and go back to work. [NYP]

Christina Gets Ready for Baby
The singer and her hubby registered for baby goods over the weekend and they adorably rubbed her belly the whole time. So when is she gonna reveal her pregnancy? We can’t buy her gifts until she does! [People]

Paris is a Party Hog
Big surprise – the heiress took over the mic and her sister’s b-day bash like it was her own shindig. Is it possible that jail actually made Paris a worse human being? [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Jen Aniston Likes ‘Em Young

jenaniston.jpgLil Wayne Goes Big for his B-Day
The rapper has thrown himself a second birthday bash, this time on a yacht in Miami, complete with cigars and Diddy. [TMZ]

Cam Diaz Nuzzling a New Guy
Big surprise, Cameron is now getting cozy with some other actor dude. Shouldn’t she spend some time getting to know herself? [NY Post]

Jen Aniston Scores Orlando Bloom?
The actress was spotted on vacation in Mexico – with Orlando Bloom!? Go get ‘em, cougar! [ WWTDD]

Ben Affleck Blames J.Lo for Bombs
Ben boldly links all his crappy career moves to his time dating Jennifer Lopez. We’d point the finger at those cheap-ass hair plugs. [People]

Is Pam Anderson Pregnant?
Pam may be heading down the aisle because she’s already got a bun in the oven. Birth control doesn’t seem to exist in Hollywood, huh. [DListed]