by (@katespencer)

K-Fed Gets The Kids, Brit Can Visit

It’s over – the divorce drama and custody battle between Britney Spears and her ex Kevin Federline that has dragged for about a year now has finally ended. The end result? Kevin gets FULL CUSTODY of their sons Sean and Jayden. Britney will maintain her current visitation rights of one overnight and two visits each week.

You may recall that the couple started with a 50-50 split, which quickly turned into Kevin having sole custody of the kids while Brit hung with shady dudes like Sam Lutfi and suffered from various melt downs and bad weaves. Though they’ve successfully kept their custody case out of court for the time being, but the judge can always change things up, which means more drama for years to come. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Britney & Kevin Caught Kissing

britkev.jpgOh gross. It’s the biggest mistake the world’s ever seen since, well, they first got together: Britney and Kevin may be on the road to reconciling their love. They recently shared a kiss – their first since they split – when Kev arrived to pick up Sean and Jayden after a visit with their mom. “They were discussing the boys and how they’re doing,” said a source in the know, “when she suddenly got in close and kissed Kevin. She did it because she felt so close to him at that moment.”

Who are these insiders who just happen to be right there when Britney and Kevin lock lips and why aren’t they trying to stop this obvious disaster?! The spy also reported that K-Fed was possibly a bit shocked by Brit’s bold move, claiming that he asked her “Should we do this in front of the boys?” We’re sure it’s fine Kev – they’ve already seen their mom hauled off in a police car naked, as well as all that other crazy crap they’ve witnessed for two years. A kiss is child’s play to, uh, your children. It’s how they were made, afterall.? [Star]

by (@katespencer)

Britney About To Be a Mom Again

britney-babies.jpgRun Sean Preston, run! Apparently K-Fed couldn’t handle the full-time dad duties he got stuck with, and is in court right now trying to get Britney back her visitation rights. Mama B hasn’t seen her kids in almost two months, but lawyers from both sides of the Spederline custody battle are attempting a way to figure out how to make it happen. The only problem? K-Fed wants Britney’s parents to be around when the boys visit, while her people want visitations to happen in a “therapeutic setting.” They’ve allegedly been trying to get the troubled singer into a medical center where she can receive treatment for her bipolar disorder, but as the whole world knows, that ain’t currently happening.

Brit’s got a new lawyer on the case, and – other than a recent vag flash over the weekend – seems to be making a wee bit of progress on the crazy front. So what do you think – is she ready to hold her babies? [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Paula Prepares to Suck at Super Bowl

paula-abdul.jpgPaula?s Superbowl Show a “Massive Disaster”
Insiders are saying Paula’s half time show is gonna straight up suck. But America will watch because she’s forever our girl. Rush, rush to your TV! [TMZ]

Amy?s Hubby Ready To Divorce
Her man threatened divorce after a major fight. Has Blake finally gotten off the drugs and wised up in jail? [DListed]

Ashley Olsen Sucks Jared Leto?s Face
Well-dressed troll + rocker a-hole = love. Awwww. [Us]

Oops! Someone Pissed off the Scientologists
Tom Cruise’s church is laying on the legal BS after Gawker posted this video of Tommy ranting, claiming copyright infringement. [Gawker]

K-Fed?s Lawyer Talks Up his Client
Kevin’s suit is claiming that Brit’s Ex wants to raise their kids together. Don’t lie, Kev. We’d be stoked about sole custody too. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Kev Loves Kids, Brit Loves Food & Pills

kevin-federline-rules.jpgOh K-Fed. You and your snazzy mohawk and that sexy suit. And those dimples! Blush. Is it possible that we…might…LIKE YOU? Aside from the whole awesome and available father thing, Kevin actually understands our infatuation with him and Britney. He gets us! “I think the infatuation with the whole thing is that watching us go through things makes other people feel normal,” he says. So true, Kev! Your problems make our major dandruff issues pale in comparison. But what’s even more lovable is that Daddy Federline is so committed to his corral of kids, saying that he’s ?usually watching SpongeBob SquarePants, Cars or whatever the kids are into. I?m much more G-rated than anything else these days!?

Meanwhile, Britney was too “scared” to even enter the courthouse yesterday and fight for her sons because of all the paparazzi (like she’s never seen them before), so she left, visited a church and then ate some empanadas. Later in the night she went to a Rite Aid with her user boyrazzi Adnan and picked up a prescription. Brit’s not doing much to help her rep as the worst mom in the world, but we do understand being scared – like right now our feelings of Federlove are totally freaking us out.

by (@katespencer)

Brit’s Too Busy (Doing Nothing) For Court

britneyspearscustody0114.jpgIt’s currently 3:30 PM here on the east coast (that’s 12:30 PM for you left coasters) and Britney Spears has to yet show up for her court date, which was scheduled to start today at 9:30 AM PST. Surely Sean and Jayden aren’t that surprised. Those kids know how to say only two things: “mama” and “no show.” But their hero of a daddy, complete with his new mohawk hairdo straight from 2002, arrived at court 30 minutes early at 9 AM, looking all dapper in a suit. Rumors has it that Britney will make an appearance at 1PM, but word on the virtual street is that the singer has yet to leave her house for her court appearance. And seeing as we regular folk know that the custody of her kids is on the line here, even she’s gotta understand the importance of today’s hearing.

Brit was out all weekend with her boyrazzi and even screamed and swore at the photogs stalking her in a British accent outside of a Macy’s department store. Just last night the pair hit up a CVS at 1am, only 8 hours before she was supposed to be at court. We highly doubt that her absence (or at best, a very late appearance) signals that she doesn’t love her kids. Britney doesn’t like being told what to do – and it’s obvious that she considers her right to be the boss of the world more important than the custody of her children. And honestly, isn’t that a good thing for Sean, Jayden, and their future therapy bills?

Update, 3:53 PM: Britney’s left her house!

by (@katespencer)

Kevin Federline Wants to Ruin Music Again

kfedalbum2.jpg

Just because everyone’s all up K-Fed’s butt complimenting him for being a good parent doesn’t mean we want to him to create more of his special brand of hip-hop. Does anyone really even think that highly of him? The only reason he looks so good these days is because he’s being compared to Britney Spears, and that’s like comparing a car accident to a nuclear disaster. And while Federline is wise enough to not create another album himself, he’s apparently hard at work producing what are surely Popozao rip-offs. An insider says, “Kevin has been actively producing, nurturing new artists and doing it all from his home studio, so he can be there for his kids whenever they need him. He loves the music business and is committed to making it a career for himself, even if it’s not as a singer. He knows no one will ever take him seriously as a performer, so he’s working behind the scenes as a producer.”

Okay okay, that’s kinda sweet, but isn’t music made by K-Fed just as bad as music performed by K-Fed? He should stick to what he’s good at – making babies – instead.? [E Online]

by (@katespencer)

Brit Released from Hospital, Romances Pap

britneyspears_lucky.jpg

We’re not totally sure how it’s possible for one woman to create a gajillion news stories in one day, but Britney Spears seems to be capable of doing just that. So let’s break down the Brit report into two easy categories to try to simplify this mess.

1. What shocked us: Brit tested clean for drugs and alcohol. Turns out Britney’s just really just high on life!

2. What didn’t shock us:

  • Where to begin? How about with Dr. Phil? He of course got involved in the drama and then took a beating in the press after it was alleged he arrived unannounced and freaked the freak (Britney) out. He cleared his name this morning and says her fam wanted him there, in true trashy fashion.
  • Britney was released early from the hospital. Because celebrities can do whatever they want, no matter how crazy they may be. Lucky!
  • Kevin is “freaked out” by Brit’s release and is stocking up on security. The Fedster continues to prove he is way smarter than his outfit choices make him look.
  • X17 is accusing Britney’s paparazzi boyfriend of trying to sell his stories – and pics – to news agencies for $5 million dollars! And here we thought he was just interested in making a new friend.
  • Brit doesn’t seem to care, and she’s been spotted in Santa Barbara shopping and kissing her new man. Oh, and some video shows Britney on her hotel balcony not wearing pants – the least shocking news of all.
  • Sources tell TMZ that her family is desperately trying to get Britney into mental hospital to deal with her (alleged) bi-polar disorder. Maybe they should have thought of this like, four years ago when they were all living the good life off of her cash.

by (@katespencer)

Monday: Sean and Jayden Safe with K-Fed

federline-010708.jpgBounty Hunter Star Busted in the Nude
Dog’s bro and fellow bounty hunter Tim Chapman was arrested after cops found him naked in his truck getting busy with himself. Bad judgment must run in the family.? [TMZ]

K-Fed Gets the Kids
Brit’s out and Kevin’s in as the sole custodian of their two kids. Phew – there’s still time for them not to get completely f*cked up.? [TMZ]

Nicole Kidman: Knocked Up and Nervous
Nic’s dropped out of her latest film to maintain her health while pregnant – and to hide from the world without her botox.? [NY Post]

Is Tom Cruise Scientology?s #2?
A new unauthorized biography alleges that Tom Cruise is Scientology’s second-in-command and that Katie was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard’s sperm. Um, duh?? [NYDN]

Brangelina Pretends to be Normal in Missouri
Brad’s brood relaxed and hit up a local pizza place while visiting his family in Missouri and basked in the lack of attention they received from locals. Psst, Brange – they were ignoring your asses!? [Us]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Check Out Paris Hilton’s Butt!

paris-hilton-1127.jpgFoxy Brown Ditches Cell with Good Behavior
The jailed rap star was allowed to leave solitary confinement early due to her good behavior. Really? [TMZ]

Paris Wears Underwear to Lunch
P, her sis Nicky and pregnant pal Nicole Richie all met for lunch, and Paris wore a slip with stockings and not much else. If she is that desperate for attention maybe she should try covering up. Then we’d actually be shocked. [Just Jared]

Britney Gets Babies for X-Mas
K-Fed generously gave Brit their kids for Christmas after he got the boys on Thanksgiving. He just wants to get sloshed in peace this holiday season. [NYDN]

Madonna Won?t Let Her Hubby Fail

Madge is reportedly doing damage control for her man’s new movie after it got panned by British critics. She should just show them one of her flops and Guy’s flick will look a lot better. [NYDN]

Dancing with the Stars Disappoints
The finale of everyone’s fave show was a flop, because the celeb dancers kinda suck. Eh, Jennie Garth could have told ya that. [Us]