Why is it that rich people can’t afford to pay someone to give them good ideas? Paris and Nicole are allegedly plotting to marry their twin boyfriends in a ceremony together, followed by a honeymoon in a pile of cash earned from the publicity wedding stunt. A source says, “Paris is doing it all for attention, as usual. It?s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.”

Let’s see, just like her other two(three?) engagements, her lost dog, her sex tape, her album, her perfumes, her various reality shows, her hair extensions, her jewelry line, her nightclubs, her book, her feud with Nicole/Lindsay/Britney, and her stint in jail? Yep, sounds like Paris! But haters beware – she’s been spotted wearing some sort of ring on her finger! Maybe it’s a purity ring! Paris Hilton taking a vow of chastity? Now THAT would be a publicity stunt. [DListed]

Fergie Plans Shotgun Wedding
What’s she gonna do with her lovely baby bumps? Walk down the aisle asap so no one notices that she’s preggers. [NY Post]

Nicole Can?t Stop Post-Baby Partying
You’d get out of the house too after lugging a baby around for 9 months. Mom power! [Us]

Paris Loses Her Pussy
Don’t get your hopes up – we’re talking about her cat. She left it at the vet and hasn’t picked it up in weeks, so it’s going back to a shelter. [TMZ]

Brit?s BFF Sam Tried to Take her Cash
Note to Britney – that’s what people who randomly come into your life when you’re vulnerable really want. [Us]

Natalie Cole Bashes Winehouse?s Win
The aging diva thinks Amy shouldn’t have won a Grammy (or five) until she’s sober. If the Grammys followed this rule, no one in the biz would ever win anything (um, including Natalie?).

Well, thank god Paris has finally figured out how the magic of baby-making works. The heiress divulged the deets on a weepy sleepover she had at Nicole’s mom’s house, with the new mama and her little girl Harlow. She said (presumably in her best baby voice), “I was crying when I saw her. She looks like a miniature version of Nicole and Joel. I am so happy for them.?

Is Paris so sheltered that she’s just now realized that babies look like the two people who come together to create them? And from what’s she’s describing, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have created the fugliest baby known to mankind bloggerkind. Check out our artistic interpretation of Paris’ description. Who do you think Harlow Madden looks more like – Mommy or Daddy? [Page Six]

Katie Holmes Only Answers Easy Questions
It’s not that she’s avoiding those Scientology questions, it’s just that it’s pretty hard to explain how she became pregnant with the sperm of a dead dude. Check out video of Katie talking like a zombie on Good Morning America HERE.? [NYP]

Joel Madden Blogs About Baby
The new dad proudly reveals on his website that his new daughter “looks so much like her mom its crazy!” Ah right, because they both once weighed 7 pounds.? [Us]

OMG! High School Musical 3 Is Happening!
The whole cast is back! It’s a feature film! Tween freakout!!! [People]

Eva?s Not Jumping on the Baby Bandwagon
Nope, she’s just gained ten pounds from eating so much while on strike. Finally, someone sets a good example in Hollywood.? [People]

Ex-Manager Calls J. Lo “Unprofessional”
It’s a dumping whodunnit – J. Lo claims she gave her manager the boot on Friday, but his people dissed her and called her hubby “meddling.” Let’s just assume they’re all annoying and call it a day.? [NYDN]

Men – guard your sperm. Paris Hilton like, REALLY wants a baby. And for all the right reasons, too! To dress the thing up in pink, carry it around in her purse and force it to play with Nicole Richie‘s baby! Paris recently said, “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old.I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

At that rate their kids will be enemies by the time they’re five years old. At least Paris is smart enough to realize that she can’t make a baby happen without a friend: “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” she revealed. “But I would love to start a family.” She also tells People that she plans on popping some babies out in two years, which means she kinda needs to get things going. We wonder what she has in mind for the playdates? Tiny tables for the babies to practice walking dancing on? Thong diapers? Spelling the words Mommy Was In Jail with blocks? Yep, Paris is right, it’d be seriously awesome if she was pregnant right now so this could totally happen. [Image: Getty]

Helio Castroneves Takes Dancing Crown
The soap star beat Mel B. and Marie Osmond to win Dancing With the Stars. Who-lio? [Us]

Oprah Wants You to Love Obama
The most famous woman in the world is hitting the campaign trail in support of her fave candidate. Oprah, Obama. Obama, Oprah. Nope – that joke still doesn’t work. [Variety]

Britney Dumped by New Driver
The singer’s new chauffeur has quit after determining that driving Britney around was a “liability.” Ah, ya think? [TMZ]

Paris Still Courting Pizza Boy
The heiress is still skankin’ around town with her Swedish pizza boy, delivering nastiness all over L.A. in under 30 minutes. [TMZ]

Nicole Gets Personal About Baby
The Simple Lifer opens up about her pregnancy and sounds more like a celebu-mom than a celebu-tard. Now if only she’d go back to being a celebu-nobody, we’d be happy. [People]