by (@katespencer)

Here Come The Brides, B*tches

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Why is it that rich people can’t afford to pay someone to give them good ideas? Paris and Nicole are allegedly plotting to marry their twin boyfriends in a ceremony together, followed by a honeymoon in a pile of cash earned from the publicity wedding stunt. A source says, “Paris is doing it all for attention, as usual. It?s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.”

Let’s see, just like her other two(three?) engagements, her lost dog, her sex tape, her album, her perfumes, her various reality shows, her hair extensions, her jewelry line, her nightclubs, her book, her feud with Nicole/Lindsay/Britney, and her stint in jail? Yep, sounds like Paris! But haters beware – she’s been spotted wearing some sort of ring on her finger! Maybe it’s a purity ring! Paris Hilton taking a vow of chastity? Now THAT would be a publicity stunt. [DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Nicole Ditches Baby for LA Bashes

nicolerichie0212.jpgFergie Plans Shotgun Wedding
What’s she gonna do with her lovely baby bumps? Walk down the aisle asap so no one notices that she’s preggers. [NY Post]

Nicole Can?t Stop Post-Baby Partying
You’d get out of the house too after lugging a baby around for 9 months. Mom power! [Us]

Paris Loses Her Pussy
Don’t get your hopes up – we’re talking about her cat. She left it at the vet and hasn’t picked it up in weeks, so it’s going back to a shelter. [TMZ]

Brit?s BFF Sam Tried to Take her Cash
Note to Britney – that’s what people who randomly come into your life when you’re vulnerable really want. [Us]

Natalie Cole Bashes Winehouse?s Win

The aging diva thinks Amy shouldn’t have won a Grammy (or five) until she’s sober. If the Grammys followed this rule, no one in the biz would ever win anything (um, including Natalie?).

by (@katespencer)

Paris Hilton Can’t Believe Her Eyes

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Well, thank god Paris has finally figured out how the magic of baby-making works. The heiress divulged the deets on a weepy sleepover she had at Nicole’s mom’s house, with the new mama and her little girl Harlow. She said (presumably in her best baby voice), “I was crying when I saw her. She looks like a miniature version of Nicole and Joel. I am so happy for them.?

Is Paris so sheltered that she’s just now realized that babies look like the two people who come together to create them? And from what’s she’s describing, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have created the fugliest baby known to mankind bloggerkind. Check out our artistic interpretation of Paris’ description. Who do you think Harlow Madden looks more like – Mommy or Daddy? [Page Six]

by (@katespencer)

Monday: Lindsay’s New Lover Boy

lindsay-lohan-prowl.jpgNicole Richie Sheds her Mom Bod
The new mother steps out just weeks after giving birth and she’s already back to her former toothpick-shaped self. We knew those boobs were too good to last.? [TMZ]

Hollywood Stars Gather to Remember Heath
Ex-GF Naomi Watts and other celeb friends gathered in LA to remember the actor. Noticably abesent were hook-up pals Mary-Kate and LiLo.? [Us]

Lindsay Sinks her Teeth into Brody Jenner
Ah – LaLohan was super busy this weekend getting her freak on with D-Lister man whore, Brody Jenner. Does this mean she’ll end up on The Hills? Sounds like a smart career move!? [People]
Celebs Honor Each Other at Sag Awards
It’s like the ultimate ass-kissing festival, but at least actors have good taste, tapping Tina Fey, The Sopranos, and? No Country for Old Men for awards.? [People]

Diddy Shakes Name Change Rumor
The rapper is not changing his name to his legal name. People even still call him Puffy. The sky’s the limit!? [NY Post]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Nicole and Her Baby are Twins!

nicolerichie.jpgKatie Holmes Only Answers Easy Questions
It’s not that she’s avoiding those Scientology questions, it’s just that it’s pretty hard to explain how she became pregnant with the sperm of a dead dude. Check out video of Katie talking like a zombie on Good Morning America HERE.? [NYP]

Joel Madden Blogs About Baby
The new dad proudly reveals on his website that his new daughter “looks so much like her mom its crazy!” Ah right, because they both once weighed 7 pounds.? [Us]

OMG! High School Musical 3 Is Happening!
The whole cast is back! It’s a feature film! Tween freakout!!! [People]

Eva?s Not Jumping on the Baby Bandwagon

Nope, she’s just gained ten pounds from eating so much while on strike. Finally, someone sets a good example in Hollywood.? [People]

Ex-Manager Calls J. Lo “Unprofessional”
It’s a dumping whodunnit – J. Lo claims she gave her manager the boot on Friday, but his people dissed her and called her hubby “meddling.” Let’s just assume they’re all annoying and call it a day.? [NYDN]

by (@katespencer)

Celebrity Babies Redeem Their Mommies

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Congrats to Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera! They both were busy on Friday poppin’ out babies at the same time ( and at the same hospital). Nicole and her boyfriend Joel Madden welcomed a baby girl named Harlow Winter Kate Madden, while Xtina gave birth a couple of hours later to new son Max Liron Bratman. It’s probably too soon – and too creepy – to suggest that these two tots should totally date someday, right? Anyway, everyone (admittedly, ourselves included) is so mushy and gushy over the starlets’ new journey into motherhood that we’ve almost forgotten the moments that got them here. You know the assless chaps, the hair extensions, the trashy make up and boob flashing. But rest assured, we haven’t! So Harlow Winter Kate and Max, when that angsty moment comes around your thirteenth birthday, and you feel the urge to lash out against your super cool Hollywood mom, this post will be there for you, preserved somewhere in the archives of the web. Print out these pics (see below), hang them around your mansion and enjoy the drama that follows. You can thank us by not ever needing to go to rehab.

[Images: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

2007′s Craziest: Nicole Gets Knocked Up

2007nicole.jpgSome gossip stories are too big to forget. We?re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You?ll get a new one posted every day

Though the official word didn’t come until later in the summer, gossips knew all the way back in May that Hollywood’s skinniest starlet was packin’ baby weight. Given her size, it seemed impossible back then, but Richie’s rocked the baby belly better than any other starlet – certainly way better than Mama Spears! Who would have thought that Nicole’s pregnancy would spawn the end of her bad girl image and the birth of a nicer, gentler Nicole, perhaps instigated by her baby-daddy, tattooed nice-guy Joel Madden. She even donated her baby shower gifts and started a charity for mothers-in-need! The new Nicole is a huge improvement from the skinny shell of a socialite we once loathed, and we have her soon-to-be born baby to thank for that.

by (@katespencer)

Celebrity Body Disasters: Time to Shape Up!

jenniferlove.jpgBoth Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Love Hewitt are steaming mad over some recent accusations thrown their way about their less-than-perfect body parts. After pics of J Love in a bikini hit the blogosphere, she took to her blog to tell all the anonymous posters hurling insults at her (and her butt) to eff off. ScarJo is also pissed and preaching, and has issued a statement threatening to sue Us Weekly after they accused her of getting a nose job.

These stars may think that these are minor body infractions, but let’s be honest, lots of celebrities have let themselves go these days. How dare they have regular sized butts or average noses?! Their determination to be just like everyone else is a travesty. Below the jump we lay down the law with some other celebs who need to hit the gym and hop under the knife. If we’re gonna pay $12 to see some star in a movie, we demand airbrushed perfection! ScarJo and Jennifer couldn’t cut it, but there’s gotta be some hope for other celebs. Fix that sh*t!

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

Paris Wants a Baby to Play With

paris-nicole.jpgMen – guard your sperm. Paris Hilton like, REALLY wants a baby. And for all the right reasons, too! To dress the thing up in pink, carry it around in her purse and force it to play with Nicole Richie‘s baby! Paris recently said, “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old.I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

At that rate their kids will be enemies by the time they’re five years old. At least Paris is smart enough to realize that she can’t make a baby happen without a friend: “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” she revealed. “But I would love to start a family.” She also tells People that she plans on popping some babies out in two years, which means she kinda needs to get things going. We wonder what she has in mind for the playdates? Tiny tables for the babies to practice walking dancing on? Thong diapers? Spelling the words Mommy Was In Jail with blocks? Yep, Paris is right, it’d be seriously awesome if she was pregnant right now so this could totally happen. [Image: Getty]