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10 Things Beyoncé Doesn’t Want Mentioned In Her Unauthorized Biography

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-By Phoebe Robinson

As some of you know, I am a Scandal & How To Get Away With Murder fan, so life is hard. So hard, in fact that every night when I lay myself down to sleep, I ask the Lord to spray some Miracle-Gro on my head because every week, Shonda Rhimes snatches my edges with her crazy plot twists and I end up looking like Naomi Campbell circa 2013, which is not cute when you don’t have Naomi Campbell money. Anyway, the point is that just as my edges were starting to recover, Grand Central Books announced that they are releasing an unauthorized biography of Beyoncé in fall 2015. The book will not feature any quotes from ‘Yonce, but will rely on secondary sources, which is code for “shady heauxes.” I am not a shady heaux, but I do have the inside scoop on Queen Bey! So without further ado, here are 10 not at all made up for comedic effect completely factual things that Beyoncé doesn’t want mentioned in her unauthorized biography.

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20 Times Beyonce Was Terrifying

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The concept of Beyonce is terrifying, never mind the woman. A powerhouse of fierceness, Beyonce has talent and intellect, and has managed to create an iconography for herself in a relatively short career that many struggle to achieve. When she’s not dropping surprise records or creating sublime music videos, she champions feminism and humanitarian causes, and is a momma to the adorable Blue Ivy. So it’s settled — there is literally nothing Beyonce can’t do.

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So You Think You Can Dance? Music’s Most Epic Dance Battles (And Our Picks For Winners!)

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There’s only one kind of fighting we truly encourage, and that’s dance fighting! We love a good old fashioned dance-off to settle a score, and music videos feature some true dance-battle gold. So put your fists away — all you really need to sort out an argument is a great body roll!

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Queen B****? A Tribute To Beyonce’s Shade Throwing

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Let’s get one thing straight: You do NOT mess with Beyonce! She will slice you down with a side-eye so strong your grandchildren will feel it. Hey, she’s not the Queen for nothin’. The lovely, beautiful and talented Mrs. Carter is adored around the world for her music and good deeds, but she’s not afraid to be tough as nails every now and again. We’ve collected 10 of our very favorite diva-tastic moments from over the years. So now, without further ado, here are Beyonce’s shadiest moments!

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Cold As Ice: The 10 Most Brutal Band Dismissals Ever

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Getting fired is always horrible, but it’s especially bad when you’re getting sacked from a rock band. We’ve already told you about bad boys who got the boot from their world famous groups, and dudes who were kicked out just when the band about to break big onto the world stage. But those horror stories pale in comparison to these brutal band dismissals!

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by (@sllambe)

Pre-Michelle: The Last Year The Original Destiny’s Child Was Together

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The year was 1999 and it felt like anything could happen. (For the most part it did.) One of the breakouts of the year was a group comprised of Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett known as Destiny’s Child. For many fans, it was the first time they even heard of or really listened to the group. But for longtime fans, the ones who knew them from their “Killing Time” days, this was just the next chapter in the girls’ story.

Formed in 1996, the Destiny’s Child had been steadily building an empire, chipping away at the success of girl groups before them. With many of the ’90s acts on the way out, there was only TLC to contend with. But just as quickly as it started, it was over. Like we said: it was 1999, the last year the original line up of Destiny’s Child was together.

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

This Is The End: The 10 Most Devastating Band Breakups Of All Time

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Like the great poet Neil Sedaka once said, breaking up is hard to do. It’s bad enough with couples in love, but when a band splits up, everyone suffers. Sure there’s always some solo stuff to look forward to, but it’s always lame (let’s be honest). The magical blend of your now-defunct favorite band is gone forever…and it’s hard, man!

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