Daddy do-gooder Kevin Federline‘s been super busy this year, spending Brit’s cash like it’s his job. Oh wait – that pretty much IS his job these days. According to documents submitted by his lawyers, Fed’s dropped cash on everything from strippers – $2000 for a $365 bill – and nights out at clubs, where he plunked down over $3000. He even spent almost $1500 for clothes at Versace. Who knew they sold couture jean shorts and white socks! Perhaps most hilariously is this number: $74,102 on music production, even though his music career earned him just $9849 in income. We’re dying to know what else Kev has blown his Britney allowance on. Care to guess?

- $1000 for Mini Britney (a midget impersonator) to come perform at Sean and Jayden’s joint birthday bash.

- $12,756 on suits for court (K-Fed wears them once and tosses them, obvs)

- $650 for yearly subscriptions to Us Weekly, People, Star, OK!, In Touch and Oprah Magazine. To keep up with Britney – and his main girl O.

What else?

After starring in the real-life version of Criminally Insane Blonde, Kevin Federline is in talks to star in Legally Blonde on Broadway. Based on the 2003 Reese Witherspoon girltravaganza, K-Fed is up for “a trio of roles” according to USWeekly, including the UPS guy who falls in love with protagonist Elle’s manicurist.

This isn’t Federline’s first time in the world of song and dance. Before he was Mr. Britney Spears, Federline was a back-up dancer with L.F.O. He also released an ill-fated solo record in 2006 entitled Playing With Fire, which Rolling Stone called a “reprehensible rap debut.”

It couldn’t have gone on forever. Not after the bodyguard spilled the beans. So the court has stepped in and removed Britney Spears‘ kids from the singer’s home. As of Wednesday, that bastion of maturity, Kevin Federline, will take care of his own progeny. You recall the history. The judge ordered a parenting coach, and random testing for drugs after finding “habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances” defining the toxic one’s party-centric lifestyle. So come mid-day Wednesday, K-Fed will have to nurture Sean Preston and his brother himself – if he can stay alive, that is. Check pics of Brit and K-Fed in happier times, plus a few snapshots of Brit’s recent VMA disaster.

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Good News: Britney got new, pretty blond extensions!

Bad News: The latest outlook on the Brit-cast is dark and stormy, ya’ll. A friend of the starlet’s got in a car accident trying to flee K-Fed’s cronies who showed up at his house to serve him with a subpoena. Her former manager, Larry Rudolph, is currently hiding out somewhere to avoid the same fate. His pal Ryan Seacrest said, “He’s actually on the run, if you will…he doesn’t want to say where he is and he doesn’t want to be served because he said it won’t be good for Britney.”

Brit’s also being investigated by the Department of Children and Family Services due to “allegations of poor dental hygiene, as well as poor eating and sleeping habits for her kids.” Apparently it may even be K-Fed who filed the complaint! There are two lessons to be learned here. Don’t marry a tool-ish backup dancer at twenty-three years old. Also, brush your kids teeth.

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Someone hide the clipping shears cuz we smell a meltdown about to happen. Apparently Britney is being investigated for – duh duh duhhhhh – possible child abuse. We know she’s not the most perfect mom, but is feeding your kids soda and Cheetos illegal? A custody hearing about the kids was held this morning between Britney and Kevin’s lawyers, as well as a lawyer for the Los Angeles County counsel. TMZ also reports that, “We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.”

Oh man. No wonder poor Brit wants to haul her ass to London. Though these pics of Britney smoking around her kids sure ain’t helping her win any Mom of the Year Awards. [TMZ. Image: Getty]

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Mr. Mom Kevin Federline continued covering Hollywood in legal papers this weekend, serving Promises Treatment Center – Brit’s rehab home in Malibu – with a subpoena. I kinda want to see him serve Britney’s new “man” Criss Angel some legal papers, just to see the magician try to make then disappear. This brings the total K-Fed subpoena count up to four (including assistants Shannon Funk and Alli Sims and bodyguard Daimon Shippen), which gave the guy something to celebrate in Vegas this weekend, where he macked ladies and danced like the tool awesome dad that he is. Meanwhile Brit’s attempting to get back at K-Fed, but apparently her lawyer, Lauren Wasser, wants nothing to do with the pop star and is trying to hand her off to another legal adviser. Anyone else see a trend here? [Image: Getty]

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