The Internet has pretty much come to a standstill this afternoon thanks to Jay-Z’s new track “Glory”, which features vocals from the youngest MC in the game, his 2-day-old daughter, Blue Ivy Carter (aka The Notorious B.I.C.). In the halls here at Video Hits One, the song is pumping out of offices, tinny laptop speakers and even iPod earbuds, and has driven all of the women (and even some grown ass men) to tears. Well, your friendly VH1 Tuner editors have managed to keep the tears at a minimum and stay focused on the task at hand, and we’re happy to bring you this close reading of “Glory”:

BEYONCÉ SUFFERED A MISCARRIAGE … OR DID SHE?
Lyrics In Question: “False alarms and false starts, all made better by the sound of your heart / All the of the pain of the last time, I prayed so hard it was the last time” and “Last time the miscarriage was so tragic / We was afraid you’d disappear but nah baby, you magic”
Translation: Everyone in the media is inferring that this lyric is about Beyoncé, but there’s a pretty good chance that it isn’t. In Jay-Z’s song “This Can’t Be Life,” he makes reference to a stillborn baby (“Baby came out stillborn / So I gotta move on”) from a previous relationship, a fact that was also confirmed in his book Decoded. Now, this isn’t to say DEFINITIVELY that the reference isn’t to something that happened between Jay-Z and Beyoncé —as we know, these two are nothing if not tremendously private— but rather that all of the media speculation attributing this reference to Bey is a bit premature.

THAT SH*T CRAY: BLUE IVY CARTER WAS CONCEIVED IN PARIS
Lyric In Question: “You don’t yet know what swag is / But you was made in Paris / And Mama woke up the next day and shot her album package.”
Translation: Step off, Beyoncé birthers! Much has been made of the legitimacy of Beyoncé’s pregnancy, and the inclusion of this line is a not-so-subtle “Eff you” from Jay-Z to the haters. Because we’re nothing if not sticklers for the truth, we did some research and discovered that Bey and Jay took a 9-day trip to Paris from April 19, 20102011 until April 28, 2011. During this time, they recorded the vocals to “Lift Off” (which appeared on Jay and Ye’s Watch The Throne collaboration) and, apparently, made sweet, sweet love. If you do the math, that trip was eight months and some change ago.

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