by (@katespencer)

Brit Released from Hospital, Romances Pap

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We’re not totally sure how it’s possible for one woman to create a gajillion news stories in one day, but Britney Spears seems to be capable of doing just that. So let’s break down the Brit report into two easy categories to try to simplify this mess.

1. What shocked us: Brit tested clean for drugs and alcohol. Turns out Britney’s just really just high on life!

2. What didn’t shock us:

  • Where to begin? How about with Dr. Phil? He of course got involved in the drama and then took a beating in the press after it was alleged he arrived unannounced and freaked the freak (Britney) out. He cleared his name this morning and says her fam wanted him there, in true trashy fashion.
  • Britney was released early from the hospital. Because celebrities can do whatever they want, no matter how crazy they may be. Lucky!
  • Kevin is “freaked out” by Brit’s release and is stocking up on security. The Fedster continues to prove he is way smarter than his outfit choices make him look.
  • X17 is accusing Britney’s paparazzi boyfriend of trying to sell his stories – and pics – to news agencies for $5 million dollars! And here we thought he was just interested in making a new friend.
  • Brit doesn’t seem to care, and she’s been spotted in Santa Barbara shopping and kissing her new man. Oh, and some video shows Britney on her hotel balcony not wearing pants – the least shocking news of all.
  • Sources tell TMZ that her family is desperately trying to get Britney into mental hospital to deal with her (alleged) bi-polar disorder. Maybe they should have thought of this like, four years ago when they were all living the good life off of her cash.

by (@katespencer)

Britney’s Breakdown: Hair Intact, Mental State Long Gone

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We may not be hearing from Britney Spears for a few days – she’s reportedly going to be hospitalized and receiving some serious medical care for the next 72 hours. Here are some other tidbits surrounding Brit-Fest 2008 that have popped up since this morning:

  • The starlet apparently was hysterical when strapped down to the gurney. “They had to strap her down like a mental patient and she was going between laughing and hysterics,? a source said.
  • Britney may not have been on drugs at all – in fact a new report alleges that her blood tests cane back completely clean. Soberly insane seems kinda crazier than drugged up and insane, right?
  • Lynne Spears is distraught and has asked us all to pray. I am praying that I never read about Britney again. How about you?
  • Before she locked herself in the bathroom with Jayden, Britney told her court-appointed monitor that she wasn’t planning on giving her kids back to K-Fed. The monitor called the cops, saving the day.
  • Brit’s currently being held at Cedars-Sinail Medical Center on an “involuntary psychiatric hold, also known as a Section 5150,” which allows for people in need of “serious need of mental health treatment” to be held involuntarily for up to 72 hours. If it’s determined that she is in need of further treatment, the stay can be extended, against her will.

We hope Britney’s getting all the rest, care and Cheetos that she needs – maybe they can even ween her off her Frappucinos in between dealing with all that mental stuff. And now, back to praying.

by (@katespencer)

Britney’s Breakdown: Takes Kids Hostage, Ends Up Hospitalized

Britney Spears Hospitalized After Custody Dispute.

Last night sh*t went DOWN at Britney Spears‘ Beverly Hills mansion (she had given a deposition with Kevin Federline‘s lawyers earlier in the day). After refusing to turn over her kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard at the scheduled pick up time of 7PM PST, his lawyer and the police were called to the scene. Brit stayed holed up in her house with the tots, hours passed, fire trucks and ambulances arrived, and at 11:45 PM Britney was removed from her home on a gurney and taken to the Cedars-Sinai hospital in a police-escorted ambulance. Cops revealed that they believed that Britney was “under the influence of an unknown substance.”Her youngest son Jayden was also taken to the hospital but has been released, and both boys are now in the safe arms of their stable backup-dancer dad. Meanwhile, Britney remains at the hospital where she is allegedly a “special needs” patient, explained a source, meaning that “they have either overdosed or tried to commit suicide. So we go stay with these patients and monitor them constantly. We watch them so they don’t hurt themselves…”

You can check out the insanity and Brit’s arrival at the hospital in the video below. We’ll keep you posted on any further updates. Until then, holy sh*t. [Us/OK! Photo: Splashnews]

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by (@katespencer)

Test Yourself on Britney’s Bad Decisions

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Not a day goes by that our favorite mess of starlet doesn’t do at least a few monumentally stupid things that seem out of the realm of regular human behavior. So we’ve fancied ourselves a little quiz to see if ya’ll can pick out today’s real Britney Spears news from the fake. Give it go and check your answers under the jump!

1. According to a statement, Britney’s lawyers fired her as a client yesterday because of:
a) “a mental breakdown.”
b) “a breakdown of communication.”
c) “her constant breakdancing.”
d) “her dog London, who Ms. Spears permitted to urinate on her counsel’s leather chairs.”

2. Britney Spears skipped what very important event yesterday?
a) Her sister Jamie-Lynn’s first mammogram.
b) Sean Preston’s tanning appointment.
c) The opening of a new Starbucks on Robertson Boulevard.
d) Her deposition in her custody battle with K-Fed.

3. Britney and her new photographer “boyfriend” Adnan Ghalib spent 5 hours, from 2am – 7am, at the Parker Hotel in Palm Springs together allegedly doing what:
a) Drugs. Ambiguous, plentiful drugs.
b) Discussing the future Britney Spears photo-book he is creating.
c) Ordering and eating fifteen continental breakfasts off the room service menu.
d) All of the above.

Check out the answers under the jump!

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

Britney Spears: Sleeping with the Enemy

britneyspears-010208.jpgScientists have often argued that animals, unlike humans, do not have or use reason. And with her current choice of boyfriend, it looks like Britney Spears has a lot more in common with her dog London that we thought. The peculiar pop princess is supposedly dating one of the stalkerazzi that follows her around 24/7, and the pair even spent New Year’s Even together with her kids. Seriously. This is either the stupidest idea Brit’s ever had or she’s working some awesome spy move, where she’s boning the dude to get into the inner circle that’s set out to destroy her. After the photog spent time with Brit in her hotel room last week, the gang rang in ’08 at a fancy beach house – with her court appointed monitor along for the ride, obvs. Think they posed for any pics?

You can check out her new man – Adnan Ghalib – in all his creepy paparazzo hotness here. What do you think is their favorite date activity?

a) Running over each others’ feet with Brit’s Mercedes.

b) Finding a quaint gas station bathroom to cuddle in.

c) An early morning surprise photoshoot outside of Brit’s fave Starbucks.

d) An all day shopping spree where anything goes – cars, dogs, birds, chandeliers & tanning, ya’ll!

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: November

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

November 14 ? Inhalers and Car Seats ? Spears failed one of her mandatory drug tests, which were put in place as a stipulation of her custody agreement. The drug Provigil ? which is used to treat narcolepsy — was found in her system. Just two days later, a judge ruled that Britney is prohibited from driving with her children in the car. [Access Hollywood]

November 18 ? Natural Born Hustler ? Spears made a stop at the Hustler Store, purveyor of sexy lingerie and sex toys, after midnight. When the pop star attempted to try on the underwear she?d selected, store staff informed her that due to the laws of society and the rules of hygiene, she was not allowed. The star then stripped down in the middle of the store in front of 15 customers. When asked to pay, the late-night skivvy shopper rolled her eyes, and snatched a pink wig as she walked out. [Us Weekly]

November 20 ? Like A Virgin, Only Not ? Just two days after her bizarre episode at the Hustler store, Us Weekly wages all out tabloid war, publishing a report that Spears lost her virginity at the tender age of 14, and not to Timberlake, which she?d always maintained. The magazine also revealed several family skeletons in its cover story on the fallen star, chiefly that depression runs in the Spears family, and Britney?s grandmother had committed suicide after her infant son died. [Us Weekly]

November 28 ? Knocked Up? ? InTouch reports that Britney is in a family way, by producer JR Rotem. Rotem was one of the pop star?s first suitors following her separation from Federline, and confessed to Blender magazine that he?d ?f*cked her wheelbarrow style.? InTouch reports that Rotem had confirmed the pregnancy, but Britney pal Sam Lufti quickly quashed the rumor, calling it ?B.S.? [JustJared]

November 28 ? Britney?s Very Own Wonderland ? On the same day the pregnancy allegations broke, Star magazine had a cover story on Britney?s ?Fantasy Room.? Apparently Brit has a room in her house dedicated solely to her kinky sex hobby. Within the mirror-ceilinged room are ticklers, spanking paddles, fur-trimmed handcuffs, costumes and pictures lining the walls of the pop star in a variety of lewd positions. Apart from the double-locked fantasy room, the spy also claimed that Brit?s house is a mess, with feces-stained couches. [Star Magazine]

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by

While You Were Having a Life…

If you were too busy stuffing your face with junk to stuff your brain with gossip and entertainment news over the past few days, have no fear: we’ve rounded up the biggest pop-culture stories that happened over the long weekend. The following is all you need to know about what happened when you were on holiday or just too lazy to turn on the computer:

jay-z_roundup.jpgJay-Z Quit Def Jam – Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Jay-Z came to day, “Beyonc?, with your nose so bright…” Kidding! But Jay really did announce on the 24th that he’s leaving his post as president of Def Jam. There wasn’t much by way of explanation: in the vague wording of his official statement, he’s looking to “take on new challenges.” Bizarrely, he plans to keep recording for the label. If his history with retiring is any indication, expect him back in that leather seat and chomping on a cigar within a year’s time. [E! News]

Katherine Heigl Married – Bland led the bland as the world’s most inexplicable movie star met her singing, songwriting beau Josh Kelley at the aisle Sunday in Park City, Utah. And when they get divorced it will be just as uninteresting! [People]

Lindsay Lohan Turned Out To Be a Sex Addict - I knew she was too good in I Know Who Killed Me to be acting! [News of the World]

Michelle Rodriguez Spent Christmas in Jail – At least someone would have her over. [Us Weekly]

A Woman Was Arrested for Taking a Picture of R. Kelly in Court - And then he peed on her. [Yahoo!]

Will Smith Maybe Said Something Questionable About Hitler…? – On the goodness of human nature, Will Smith reportedly told a Scottish paper: “Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today.’ I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.” So, maybe it was foolish of him to attempt to get into Hitler’s brain in the first place, but whatever — he didn’t say that Hitler was good, he said that Hitler was deluded. The distinction was, apparently, lost on the Jewish Defense League who said that Will’s words “spit on the memory of every person murdered by the Nazis.” O RLY? The outcry caused Will’s rep to proclaim the allegations “a lie.” “It speaks to the dangerous power of an ignorant person with a pen.” So, wait, he didn’t say that, then? Sorry, I can’t hear anything over the Christmas carols and rustling of wrapping paper. [TMZ.com]

Britney Spazzed at the Paparazzi – For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For others, it’s just business as usual. [TMZ.com]

[Image credit: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

2007′s Craziest: It’s Barely Britney, B*tch

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No matter how many times Lindsay left rehab or how many tears Paris shed in prison, 2007 belonged to Britney Spears. And nothing – NOTHING – solidified her complete transition from teen star to train wreck more than her botched performance at the MTV VMAs in September. The sequined bikini, the dead look in her eyes, her stumbled dance moves and half-assed attempt at lipsyncing all sealed the deal. It was truly too much for most people to stomach. The whole world was rooting for a comeback, and well – we got one. After that five-minute mess, the world gave up on Britney because Britney gave up on Britney. And that, my friends, should be a used as a lyric in a song on her next album, permitting that she actually gets out of her Frappu-coma and heads back into the recording studio.

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: October

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

Britney_SpearsOctober 3 ? Loses Mind, Babies ? After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver?s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [MTV News]

October 5 ? Nobody?s Home — Just two days after the custody hearing wherein Federline was awarded full custody, the singer?s erratic behavior ? and a broken intercom ? caused her to miss her initial visit with her sons Jayden James and Sean Preston. Spears had initially planned to have her sons visit her at the Beverly Wilshire, then changed the location to her Malibu manse so as to make them more comfortable. The kids returned to Federline after several attempts to reach Spears, who was said to be inconsolable. [DListed]

October 26 ? ?Snort it, eat it, lick it?? ? At the follow-up custody hearing where Spears hoped to regain partial custody of her children, television correspondents inquired how the proceedings were going. Initially Spears responded that things were ?great,? then burst into a Tourette?s-type rage and shouted, ?Snort it, eat it, lick it, f*ck it.? [OK! Magazine]

October 29 ? Blackout, Indeed ? Without irony, Britney names her first studio album in four years Blackout. The name is intended as a message to ward off all the harm-wishers and haters who?d like to see the one-time Queen of Pop fail. The album, in addition to topping the charts, enrages the Catholic community, as it features shots of Ms. Spears seated on an attractive young priest?s lap. [NY Daily News]

October 30 ? Everyday is Halloween, Even Halloween ? In a bizarre turn of events, Britney ventures out for Halloween, just like unfit mothers around the globe. But they typically only have one costume. Apparently our girl spent over $1,000 on seven different get-ups. First up, Brit hit Winston?s as a slutty pirate wench, but quickly tired of the costume. Instead of leaving, she chatted up the bartender, stating ?You have nice tits. Mine are all saggy!? before demanding the bartender switch outfits with her. The following evening Britney was spotted out in her magenta cat-suit. [OK! Magazine]

[Image: X17]

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: September

britney_spears

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

September 9Gimme Less ? After days of speculation, MTV announces that the recently rehabbed pop star would make her triumphant comeback on the channel that made her. Unfortunately, Spears spent the night before the performance out with Diddy, staying up until 6 a.m. and skipped the dress rehearsal. Sarah Silverman?s pre-performance monologue, and what looked like a handful of sedatives derailed Spears: She bombed, moving through her routine like a zombie. The only person who deemed the performance a success was 50 Cent, who called it ?a highlight?she worked it.? We believe that 50 was in the bathroom at this point in the show. [Us Weekly]

September 12 ? Timbaland Says Apologize ? In an interview with MTV News, Timbaland says that he and Justin will never work with Britney unless she apologizes. Timbaland remains vague about what caused the bad blood, saying only, ?She knows what she’s sorry about. She needs to say, ‘I was wrong,’ and it’ll definitely move forward…. That’s all she has to say.” The producer then called her ?big-headed.? At press time, it appears Timbaland is still waiting on apology. [MTV News]

September 17 ? It?s Not Us, It?s You ? Just hours after her lawyers quit, the pop star found herself without representation when The Firm pulled a Timberlake and dumped her because of her behavior: The company claimed that ?current circumstances? prevented them from working with the enormously talented pop star. Current circumstances?could they mean the head-shaving? Or the erratic behavior that might be the result of a serious drug addiction? Or the barefoot-in-public-restroom thing? This is the second time Brit?s management has quit in as many months. [People]

September 23 ? The Bodyguard ? In a sworn deposition in the custody battle between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, former bodyguard Tony Barretto revealed the torments of his job as her protector: He had to allow her to rub her breasts on him and grind with her on a dancefloor. In addition to sexual harassment, Barretto was charged with keeping her full of Special K (her favorite cereal), and orchestrating the shutting down of Rite-Aids so the star could shop in privacy. [News of the World]

[Image: Seth Browarnik/Wire Image]

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