by (@katespencer)

Britney Spears: Sleeping with the Enemy

britneyspears-010208.jpgScientists have often argued that animals, unlike humans, do not have or use reason. And with her current choice of boyfriend, it looks like Britney Spears has a lot more in common with her dog London that we thought. The peculiar pop princess is supposedly dating one of the stalkerazzi that follows her around 24/7, and the pair even spent New Year’s Even together with her kids. Seriously. This is either the stupidest idea Brit’s ever had or she’s working some awesome spy move, where she’s boning the dude to get into the inner circle that’s set out to destroy her. After the photog spent time with Brit in her hotel room last week, the gang rang in ’08 at a fancy beach house – with her court appointed monitor along for the ride, obvs. Think they posed for any pics?

You can check out her new man – Adnan Ghalib – in all his creepy paparazzo hotness here. What do you think is their favorite date activity?

a) Running over each others’ feet with Brit’s Mercedes.

b) Finding a quaint gas station bathroom to cuddle in.

c) An early morning surprise photoshoot outside of Brit’s fave Starbucks.

d) An all day shopping spree where anything goes – cars, dogs, birds, chandeliers & tanning, ya’ll!

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: November

britney_spears

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

November 14 ? Inhalers and Car Seats ? Spears failed one of her mandatory drug tests, which were put in place as a stipulation of her custody agreement. The drug Provigil ? which is used to treat narcolepsy — was found in her system. Just two days later, a judge ruled that Britney is prohibited from driving with her children in the car. [Access Hollywood]

November 18 ? Natural Born Hustler ? Spears made a stop at the Hustler Store, purveyor of sexy lingerie and sex toys, after midnight. When the pop star attempted to try on the underwear she?d selected, store staff informed her that due to the laws of society and the rules of hygiene, she was not allowed. The star then stripped down in the middle of the store in front of 15 customers. When asked to pay, the late-night skivvy shopper rolled her eyes, and snatched a pink wig as she walked out. [Us Weekly]

November 20 ? Like A Virgin, Only Not ? Just two days after her bizarre episode at the Hustler store, Us Weekly wages all out tabloid war, publishing a report that Spears lost her virginity at the tender age of 14, and not to Timberlake, which she?d always maintained. The magazine also revealed several family skeletons in its cover story on the fallen star, chiefly that depression runs in the Spears family, and Britney?s grandmother had committed suicide after her infant son died. [Us Weekly]

November 28 ? Knocked Up? ? InTouch reports that Britney is in a family way, by producer JR Rotem. Rotem was one of the pop star?s first suitors following her separation from Federline, and confessed to Blender magazine that he?d ?f*cked her wheelbarrow style.? InTouch reports that Rotem had confirmed the pregnancy, but Britney pal Sam Lufti quickly quashed the rumor, calling it ?B.S.? [JustJared]

November 28 ? Britney?s Very Own Wonderland ? On the same day the pregnancy allegations broke, Star magazine had a cover story on Britney?s ?Fantasy Room.? Apparently Brit has a room in her house dedicated solely to her kinky sex hobby. Within the mirror-ceilinged room are ticklers, spanking paddles, fur-trimmed handcuffs, costumes and pictures lining the walls of the pop star in a variety of lewd positions. Apart from the double-locked fantasy room, the spy also claimed that Brit?s house is a mess, with feces-stained couches. [Star Magazine]

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While You Were Having a Life…

If you were too busy stuffing your face with junk to stuff your brain with gossip and entertainment news over the past few days, have no fear: we’ve rounded up the biggest pop-culture stories that happened over the long weekend. The following is all you need to know about what happened when you were on holiday or just too lazy to turn on the computer:

jay-z_roundup.jpgJay-Z Quit Def Jam – Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Jay-Z came to day, “Beyonc?, with your nose so bright…” Kidding! But Jay really did announce on the 24th that he’s leaving his post as president of Def Jam. There wasn’t much by way of explanation: in the vague wording of his official statement, he’s looking to “take on new challenges.” Bizarrely, he plans to keep recording for the label. If his history with retiring is any indication, expect him back in that leather seat and chomping on a cigar within a year’s time. [E! News]

Katherine Heigl Married – Bland led the bland as the world’s most inexplicable movie star met her singing, songwriting beau Josh Kelley at the aisle Sunday in Park City, Utah. And when they get divorced it will be just as uninteresting! [People]

Lindsay Lohan Turned Out To Be a Sex Addict - I knew she was too good in I Know Who Killed Me to be acting! [News of the World]

Michelle Rodriguez Spent Christmas in Jail – At least someone would have her over. [Us Weekly]

A Woman Was Arrested for Taking a Picture of R. Kelly in Court - And then he peed on her. [Yahoo!]

Will Smith Maybe Said Something Questionable About Hitler…? – On the goodness of human nature, Will Smith reportedly told a Scottish paper: “Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today.’ I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.” So, maybe it was foolish of him to attempt to get into Hitler’s brain in the first place, but whatever — he didn’t say that Hitler was good, he said that Hitler was deluded. The distinction was, apparently, lost on the Jewish Defense League who said that Will’s words “spit on the memory of every person murdered by the Nazis.” O RLY? The outcry caused Will’s rep to proclaim the allegations “a lie.” “It speaks to the dangerous power of an ignorant person with a pen.” So, wait, he didn’t say that, then? Sorry, I can’t hear anything over the Christmas carols and rustling of wrapping paper. [TMZ.com]

Britney Spazzed at the Paparazzi – For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For others, it’s just business as usual. [TMZ.com]

[Image credit: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

2007′s Craziest: It’s Barely Britney, B*tch

britney-spears-2007.jpg
No matter how many times Lindsay left rehab or how many tears Paris shed in prison, 2007 belonged to Britney Spears. And nothing – NOTHING – solidified her complete transition from teen star to train wreck more than her botched performance at the MTV VMAs in September. The sequined bikini, the dead look in her eyes, her stumbled dance moves and half-assed attempt at lipsyncing all sealed the deal. It was truly too much for most people to stomach. The whole world was rooting for a comeback, and well – we got one. After that five-minute mess, the world gave up on Britney because Britney gave up on Britney. And that, my friends, should be a used as a lyric in a song on her next album, permitting that she actually gets out of her Frappu-coma and heads back into the recording studio.

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: October

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

Britney_SpearsOctober 3 ? Loses Mind, Babies ? After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver?s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [MTV News]

October 5 ? Nobody?s Home — Just two days after the custody hearing wherein Federline was awarded full custody, the singer?s erratic behavior ? and a broken intercom ? caused her to miss her initial visit with her sons Jayden James and Sean Preston. Spears had initially planned to have her sons visit her at the Beverly Wilshire, then changed the location to her Malibu manse so as to make them more comfortable. The kids returned to Federline after several attempts to reach Spears, who was said to be inconsolable. [DListed]

October 26 ? ?Snort it, eat it, lick it?? ? At the follow-up custody hearing where Spears hoped to regain partial custody of her children, television correspondents inquired how the proceedings were going. Initially Spears responded that things were ?great,? then burst into a Tourette?s-type rage and shouted, ?Snort it, eat it, lick it, f*ck it.? [OK! Magazine]

October 29 ? Blackout, Indeed ? Without irony, Britney names her first studio album in four years Blackout. The name is intended as a message to ward off all the harm-wishers and haters who?d like to see the one-time Queen of Pop fail. The album, in addition to topping the charts, enrages the Catholic community, as it features shots of Ms. Spears seated on an attractive young priest?s lap. [NY Daily News]

October 30 ? Everyday is Halloween, Even Halloween ? In a bizarre turn of events, Britney ventures out for Halloween, just like unfit mothers around the globe. But they typically only have one costume. Apparently our girl spent over $1,000 on seven different get-ups. First up, Brit hit Winston?s as a slutty pirate wench, but quickly tired of the costume. Instead of leaving, she chatted up the bartender, stating ?You have nice tits. Mine are all saggy!? before demanding the bartender switch outfits with her. The following evening Britney was spotted out in her magenta cat-suit. [OK! Magazine]

[Image: X17]

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: September

britney_spears

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

September 9Gimme Less ? After days of speculation, MTV announces that the recently rehabbed pop star would make her triumphant comeback on the channel that made her. Unfortunately, Spears spent the night before the performance out with Diddy, staying up until 6 a.m. and skipped the dress rehearsal. Sarah Silverman?s pre-performance monologue, and what looked like a handful of sedatives derailed Spears: She bombed, moving through her routine like a zombie. The only person who deemed the performance a success was 50 Cent, who called it ?a highlight?she worked it.? We believe that 50 was in the bathroom at this point in the show. [Us Weekly]

September 12 ? Timbaland Says Apologize ? In an interview with MTV News, Timbaland says that he and Justin will never work with Britney unless she apologizes. Timbaland remains vague about what caused the bad blood, saying only, ?She knows what she’s sorry about. She needs to say, ‘I was wrong,’ and it’ll definitely move forward…. That’s all she has to say.” The producer then called her ?big-headed.? At press time, it appears Timbaland is still waiting on apology. [MTV News]

September 17 ? It?s Not Us, It?s You ? Just hours after her lawyers quit, the pop star found herself without representation when The Firm pulled a Timberlake and dumped her because of her behavior: The company claimed that ?current circumstances? prevented them from working with the enormously talented pop star. Current circumstances?could they mean the head-shaving? Or the erratic behavior that might be the result of a serious drug addiction? Or the barefoot-in-public-restroom thing? This is the second time Brit?s management has quit in as many months. [People]

September 23 ? The Bodyguard ? In a sworn deposition in the custody battle between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, former bodyguard Tony Barretto revealed the torments of his job as her protector: He had to allow her to rub her breasts on him and grind with her on a dancefloor. In addition to sexual harassment, Barretto was charged with keeping her full of Special K (her favorite cereal), and orchestrating the shutting down of Rite-Aids so the star could shop in privacy. [News of the World]

[Image: Seth Browarnik/Wire Image]

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by (@katespencer)

Jamie-Lynn Still Pregnant, 6 Months To Go!

jamielynn_britney.jpgYou better not claim to be sick of the Jamie-Lynn baby drama yet! We’re only 2 days in and there’s so much to get caught up on. Let’s make it quick and painless (unlike that ol’ thing called birth that J-L’s gonna tackle in the Spring).

  1. Jamie-Lynn and her baby-daddy aren’t dating anymore. Girl’s going at it alone in the delivery room with her mom by her side! Brit will have to stay in the waiting room.
  2. Hey ex Casey Aldridge may be guilty of statutory rape, depending on where the baby was conceived. Someone steal J-L’s diary!
  3. K-Fed knew about the pregnancy before Britney. Telling the stable one first is always a wise plan.
  4. Papa Spears is allegedly “devastated” and thinks that Jamie-Lynn “ruined her life.” Give her a chance to at least ruin the kid before you say that, Dad!
  5. Finally, Brit has already sent her lil’ sister a gift basket of goodies – like this super-cheesy sequined tank top – though a more appropriate gift would have been a handwritten list of mothering advice. Then J-L would know what not to do.

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by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Don’t Call Her Katie

katieholmes1220.jpgNo Baby for Fantasia
The singer has not hopped back on the baby train, she just missed a bunch of her Color Purple performances because she was sick. [Us]

Katie Holmes Called ?Mom? by Tom?s Kids
And Isabella and Connor Cruise call their real mom, Nicole Kidman, “scary plastic-faced lady.” [People]

Larry Birkhead Wants Britney, Her Money
Anna Nicole’s ex is hot for another vulnerable crazy blond to mooch money from. Swoon! [In Touch]

Tony Parker Suing the Sh*t Out of Paps
Eva’s man is defending his name and suing x17 photo agency, who claimed that he was doing it with a French model. [TMZ]

Paris? Pizza Boy: Modeling Career Falls Flat

Everything Paris Hilton touches turns to failure, after her pizza boy boyfriend gets dumped by his modeling agency. [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Paris Loves Her Mother Earth

paris-121307.jpgParis Hilton Saves the Planet
The heiress is helping the earth by buying a hybrid car. Maybe she could stop polluting it with her skanky outfits and cheap perfume, too. [Yahoo]

The Hills Girls Get Boozy
Vogue intern Lauren Conrad got a little too buzzed at The Hills finale party. Is it because the word is out that her Parisian love interest may be a plant? [NYP]

Reese Witherspoon’s a Bossy Co-Star
The actress is letting her Type A attitude flow on the set of her new movie with mellow dude Vince Vaughn. Somewhere her ex-husband is laughing. [NYDN]

Britney’s a Bad Boss
Brit got busted by paps who got her on video showing driving away from a gas station and leaving her assistant behind. [TMZ]

Charlie Sheen’s Psycho About Decorating
We love this picture of Charlie Sheen’s mansion decked out in X-Mas lights almost as much as we love his scandalous past. There’s gotta be something x-rated going on in that wholesome looking house!

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Lindsay’s Love Leftovers

lindsay-1205.jpgLindsay Hungry for Hilton?s Ex
LiLo satiates her need for booze and drugs with men – specifically Paris Hilton’s. We like these 12 steps! [NYP]

Dave Chapelle’s Six Hour Stand Up Act
The prolific stand-up broke his own record of doing stand-up for 6 hours and 7 minutes, clocking in at 6 hours and 12 minutes. We hope it was one long joke about walking away from $50 million. [Yahoo]

Posh Spice: ?I?m a gay man!?
Victoria Beckham hates all other celebs who attempt a perfume line but excuses herself, claiming she’s “camp” and “such a gay man.” Which has what to do with her crappy scent? [NYP]

Britney: Lames Excuses in Court
The driving machine used her kids’ safety as an excuse to block court records from social workers. Since when does she have safety in mind anyway? Only when it helps her, apparently. [NYP]

Dennis Quaid Sues Drug Firm Over OD
The actor and his wife are suing a pharmaceutical company over the drug that was accidentally given to their newborn twins in large, toxic doses. [People]