by (@katespencer)

Bad Britney! No Kids for You

The judge in Brit’s custody case has denied the starlet any and all visitation rights with her kids! Oh snap. No sleepovers, no monitored play time, no family dinners where each kid gets his own KFC bucket of Extra Crispy chicken. So why has the starlet’s visits been suspended? Because the Queen of all Idiots “did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests.”

Sigh. Come on Britney, get it together! If you don’t, you’re gonna have to resort to some drastic measures to see those kids. Check out the hilarious video above for some sweet ideas – Mrs. Britfire has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?? [TMZ. BWE]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Ellen Ends Pup War

Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]

Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]

Lilo & Her Man?s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]

Oprah?s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]

Britney?s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]

by (@katespencer)

Britney Booked for Dumb Driving

britney1016.jpgBritney turned herself in last night to to the LAPD at around 9:30 PM and went through the regular booking routine – photographs, fingerprints, a detailed account of what the eff she was thinking when she hit a car in front of swarms of cameras and then walked away. The starlet was decked out in a typical Brit outfit of designer clothes that somehow, when combined on her bod, look like streetwalker garb. Brit was reportedly “polite and courteous to the officers,” and according to the booking sheet is 5’5 and weighs 125 pounds (so healthy – hurray for Taco Bell!). Check out the clip of her chat with a local LA newscaster as she walks from the jail to her car, especially if you’re dying to know Brit’s answer to “Any plans for Halloween?” That is stellar journalism at work right there! America needs to know! Interestingly enough, Britney was spotted driving around in a pink wig prior to her jail journey. Isn’t every day Halloween for her? [TMZ. Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Britney Wants to See Your Moves

The pop tard is looking for a few brave souls to strut their stuff in her latest music video. Britney will be holding auditions for the gig this afternoon in Los Angeles and anyone can show up – it’s an open call! Maybe she’s secretly on the hunt for a new husband? If you’re comfortable wearing wigs and pleather while riding stripper poles, head on down today! You may get lucky and end up beside Brit in her next video – if you consider that sort of thing a positive. If your skills are lacking, just bring her some Taco Bell or a Frappucino, you’ll be grinding on camera in no time. [TMZ]

britneyflyer2.jpg

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Could This Be the Blackout Cover?

blackout_real2.jpg

After yesterday’s rash of fake covers for Britney Spears‘ forthcoming Blackout disc (including one “verified” by the always reliable source that is Fox News), one comes along that could really be real. Really! Via ONTD, this one supposedly can be found on Sony BMG’s login-only promo site that services images and album info to media outlets. Of course, the irony of this being the possible official cover is that a) it’s about 10 times uglier and tackier than Cheeto-dusted fingers and b) a fan could have made it. Literally! The main image is just a colorized version of a shot previously used for the U.K. version of the “Gimme More” single:

gimme_more_single_cover.jpg

Look at all that effort! It’s the album-artwork equivalent of that somnambulist performance Britney stumbled through on this year’s VMAs. Or that laughable “Gimme More” video. Or, you know, Britney’s half-hearted attempts to win back her kids. Whatever, at least this project has a theme: sloth.

Bet you Photoshop geniuses have some ideas what the real Brit cover art should look like. Send us some examples to vh1blog@vh1.com and we’ll put them up.

by

Help Britney Design Blackout

With news that Britney Spears‘ label has moved up the release of her much-anticipated fifth album Blackout, the Internets are ablaze with suspected album covers. Given the amount of speculation and Britney?s recent struggles, we put together a few of our own suggestions and invite you to do the same. E-mail creations to vh1blog@vh1.com, and we’ll add submissions to this post as they are received.

From the Internet:
Britney_Spears

None of these take into consideration that her album title (which refers to “blocking out negativity and embracing life fully” according to her record label) may go down as the most ironic in the history of recorded music, given the star’s stints in rehab and her rumored drug and alcohol addiction.

We’re thinking the album title has more to do with what she does each evening, or what she’s done to the unburned photographs in the family album. Regardless of the title, we’re still thinking it’ll do better than “Popozao.”

From the VH1 Blog:
blackout_cover_1.jpg blackout_cover_21.jpg

blackout_cover_3.jpg blackout_cover_4.jpg

From our readers:
britney-spears-12.jpg

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by (@katespencer)

Brit Wants a Slumber Party with her Babies

britneypinkeeye.jpgPillow fights! Popcorn! Watching Pretty Woman together and giggling! Brit wants her babies to sleep over, and her lawyers are going to court this morning (yes, Britney skipped the hearing again) to beg the judge for some baby time. Brit currently is only allowed monitored daytime visits, but she’s apparently passed a few drug tests and has now decided that she’s a fit mom. Her request seems pretty reasonable to us. Her worst offense is really this horrible fur coat she rocked last night, when she went out and only drank water. So adult! You go girl!

K-Fed’s lawyer is obviously not having Brit’s request for more sleepovers, and used some seriously mean legal language to tell her so. Yet even though the court case has divided the family, they are all still connected through one thing. Nooooo, not their love of Happy Meals. Britney, Kevin, Sean P and Jayden J all have PINK EYE! Maybe that parenting coach can advise this family to wash their hands more. [Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Pops K-Fed, Drops Album Early

britney1010.jpgYou ready for Brit’s 1-2-3 punch? Here it is!

1. She’s been accused of being physically violent against her ex-hubby, which may account for the “no corporal punishment” clause in their custody agreement. Did all his tank tops make her throw fisticuffs?

2. Britney’s been ordered by a judge to be booked for that ‘Whoops! I just hit a parked car, ya’ll!’ moment she had in August. Seeing as Brit just walked away from the scene the incident is technically a hit and run, and she is trying to settle with the ‘victim’ out of court. We just want a Britney mugshot!

3. The album of the year is about to hit stores early! Britney’s latest attempt at a comeback, her new album Blackout (yes, that’s the real name), is dropping two weeks early on October 30th. This means you can actually buy all the songs you’ve already heard leaked all over the internet! [Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Is Pamela Preggers?

pam10102.jpgPam Anderson Pregnancy Rumors Heat Up
Pam and her new hubby Rick Soloman have apparently come together to create a baby. We hope they taped the conception – it’ll make a great 21st b-day gift!? [DListed]

Britney Spears Passes Her Drug Test
Gasp! She couldn’t possibly have – but she did! Is Brit a better mom than we thought? [Us Weekly]

Kiefer?s Going to Jail for DUI
They’re locking him up for a total of 48 days. Surely his Jack Bauer skills can get him out of the clink, right? [TMZ]

Kid Rock?s Got Love for Pam
The guy offers up some choice words about his ex-wife to David Letterman. Think he’s bitter? [People]

Lindsay?s Cuddly Shopping Trip
The starlet drags her new boyfriend on a shopping spree. Does this poor kid know what he’s getting into? [X17]

by (@katespencer)

Britney’s Behind the Bar, Ya’ll!

brit109.jpgWe can not – must not – try to understand or explain the insane life choices of Britney Spears. Instead all we can do is sit and watch and marvel. And now, we can have her make us a drink too! Yes, Brit is desperate for a career change, and last week the starlet applied to be a BARTENDER at the Cameo Bar at LA’s Viceroy Hotel. Filled out an application and everything. You know – to be someone who serves customers drinks and listens to their problems. Right up her alley, obviously.

This is the perfect job for a washed-up millionaire mom of two. She probably even has a signature drink she wants you to enjoy! Her recipe:

Britney’s Night Out in a Glass

  • 5 shots of generic, cheap house vodka
  • 1 squirt of Coca Cola
  • 7 packets Taco Bell Border Sauce – Hot Flavor
  • Shaken, not stirred
  • Two Marlboro Light Menthol cigarettes crumbled on top as garnish (it’s minty ya’ll!)
  • ENJOY!

[Image: Getty]

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