by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Eva’s a Spoiled Housewife

eva-longoria-1204.jpgEva Longoria’s Free Shopping Spree
The actress got free sh*t for being famous so she bought her pals expensive shoes while shopping in NYC. Everyone wins! [NYDN]

Madonna & Guy: Red Carpet Bickering
This conversation reads just like that annoying fight you and your ex got in right before you broke up. We love foreshadowing! [NYDN]

Lauren Conrad Gets in Bikini Shape
The Hills star finally put all that free time to good use – her ass. [People]

Brad Pitt Reviving New Orleans
Mr. Angelina does good in Nola, donating his own cash and helping to build houses for people put out by Katrina. [NYDN]

Britney: Most Searched Person of 2007
Because we all can’t get enough of her constant meltdowns and hair messes, Brit is the number one Yahoo! search of the year. The number two search: ‘Isn’t everyone sick of Britney Spears yet?’ [Reuters]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Mary-Kate Olsen Leaves Hospital to Canoodle

mk-olsen-1130.jpgMary-Kate Gets Back to Clubbing
Quick recovery? You got it dude! Hospitalized for a kidney infection last week, Mary-Kate Olsen is back out on the town – dancing until 3Am and getting cuddly with a generic Hollywood hunk. [NYP]

Emails ‘Confirm’ Britney?s Baby
In Touch claims the emails they have on a Blackberry from JR Rotem confirm their claims that Brit’s knocked up; however isn’t that like the easiest thing to fake? [In Touch]

Paris? Boy Toy Meets the Parents
Paris took her Swedish model out to dinner with her parents. Is it getting serious or did she just need them to pay? [DListed]

Brad Pitt Bans Nude Scenes
Daddy Braddy doesn’t want to be mortified when his kids watch his films, so he’s canning all nude scenes moving forward. Will Angie follow suit? We doubt it! [Us]

Madonna: England’s Animal Abuser?
Always the ‘innovator,’ Madge died her sheep different colors for a Vogue photoshoot, pissing off animal activists galore. Not quite as controversial as that sex book, but she’s still got it! [NYP]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Helio is a Dancing Hero

helio-1128.jpgHelio Castroneves Takes Dancing Crown
The soap star beat Mel B. and Marie Osmond to win Dancing With the Stars. Who-lio? [Us]

Oprah Wants You to Love Obama
The most famous woman in the world is hitting the campaign trail in support of her fave candidate. Oprah, Obama. Obama, Oprah. Nope – that joke still doesn’t work. [Variety]

Britney Dumped by New Driver
The singer’s new chauffeur has quit after determining that driving Britney around was a “liability.” Ah, ya think? [TMZ]

Paris Still Courting Pizza Boy
The heiress is still skankin’ around town with her Swedish pizza boy, delivering nastiness all over L.A. in under 30 minutes. [TMZ]

Nicole Gets Personal About Baby
The Simple Lifer opens up about her pregnancy and sounds more like a celebu-mom than a celebu-tard. Now if only she’d go back to being a celebu-nobody, we’d be happy. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Check Out Paris Hilton’s Butt!

paris-hilton-1127.jpgFoxy Brown Ditches Cell with Good Behavior
The jailed rap star was allowed to leave solitary confinement early due to her good behavior. Really? [TMZ]

Paris Wears Underwear to Lunch
P, her sis Nicky and pregnant pal Nicole Richie all met for lunch, and Paris wore a slip with stockings and not much else. If she is that desperate for attention maybe she should try covering up. Then we’d actually be shocked. [Just Jared]

Britney Gets Babies for X-Mas
K-Fed generously gave Brit their kids for Christmas after he got the boys on Thanksgiving. He just wants to get sloshed in peace this holiday season. [NYDN]

Madonna Won?t Let Her Hubby Fail

Madge is reportedly doing damage control for her man’s new movie after it got panned by British critics. She should just show them one of her flops and Guy’s flick will look a lot better. [NYDN]

Dancing with the Stars Disappoints
The finale of everyone’s fave show was a flop, because the celeb dancers kinda suck. Eh, Jennie Garth could have told ya that. [Us]

by (@katespencer)

More Driving Don’ts from Britney Spears

If we told you that Britney ran a stop sign, would you be surprised? How about three stop signs – in a row? Still not surprised, right? Yeah, neither are we. But what’s even less surprising is that there’s video of her dumb driving, and we’ve got it for you above! Because you know that whatever Britney does, it must be documented on tape. Britney waxes her moustache? On tape. Britney clogs the toilet? Gotta film that! No matter how small the dirty deed, regardless of how boring it is, it must be captured for the masses to see! Because as we all know, she does everything wrong. You think her driving is bad? You should see the girl sleep. And at the rate the paparazzi is going, we will, soon. [via Us Weekly]

by (@katespencer)

Brit Wants to Catch K-Fed Behaving Badly

britney-spears-1121.jpgFinally this divorce is gonna turn into a fun little game of Gotcha! Along with her private investigator (our guess is that this is just cousin-assistant Alli Sims in a Sherlock Holmes hat and pipe), BritBrit is attempting to bust K-Fed doing something dumb. Kevin’s attorney wasn’t fazed by the singer’s latest attempt at couple’s war, stating that he didn’t think her snooping would be “a good expenditure of funds.” But this is Britney Spears we’re talking about! The girl is made of funds. And so what if the Kev’s counselor isn’t freaked? We still like to imagine what dirty business Britney might find goin’ down at Chez Federline:

  • Kevin likes to dance around in his underwear to – gasp! - Christina Aguilera.
  • Sean Preston and Jayden James are fed Cheez-Its and Ginger Ale instead of Cheetos and Diet Coke.
  • K-Fed invited Justin Timberlake over for a sleepover where they ate pizza, prank called Britney and learned the entire dance routine to “I’m a Slave 4 U.”
  • Her ex has a weekly hang session with his bros where they smoke some of the green stuff, drink 40′s, and watch The Bachelor.
  • Kevin stops at red lights and only makes left hand turns when the stoplight is green - amazing!

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Ashlee Simpson Hates Her Lungs

ashlee-simpson.jpgAshlee Simpson: Nicotine Addict
First Jessica divorced and now Ashlee’s a smoker? Those Simpson girls sure are wild! [NYDN]

Tom Cruise Freaks Over Fat Photo
Oops! That pic snapped by paps of plump and balding Tommy accidentally revealed his surprise cameo in Ben Stiller’s new flick. [EOnline]

Mary-Kate: Sick and Hospitalized
A tiny Olsen twin sent to the hospital with a kidney infection? Can’t say we’re surprised, but we hope she gets well soon! [People]

Britney Finally Protecting her Kids
The messlet has gotten serious about security for her kids. That’s really sweet, but what took her so long? She’s been too busy text messaging pals about her new lips to notice there was a problem. [People]

Nicole Richie Donates Baby Gifts
Nicole has given all those tiny baby cell phones and miniature giant sunglasses she got at her baby shower to charity! That’s hot generous. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Britney’s Lips are Red and Nasty

britney-1116.jpgLauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]

Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]

Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]

Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]

Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]

by (@katespencer)

Britney Loves the Sound of Toes Crunching

Chris Crocker was right about leaving Britney alone. But it’s not because she’s a victim and needs some space; rather it’s because she’ll turn your feet into gravel with her car tires. Britney was out last night pulling into the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, when one photographer refused to heed the warnings of “Back off the drive! “As Brit rolled along, his foot managed to get wedged under her tire as he snapped pics and she drove right over that mess. You can tell in the vid that Britney is freaked out and can barely see, so it’s no wonder someone got hurt. The guy was later spotted showing off some sort of cast like contraption, but we can’t really feel that bad for him. Britney may be a bad driver (among other things), but this is one situation in which she’s actually not to blame. Now if she can only fix all that stuff with her lips drugs kids – er, everything. [Popdirt]

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by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Jessica Wants Us to Like Her

jessica-simpson-1114.jpgJessica Simpson?s Fake Boyfriends
Apparently her dad is responsible for planting items about Jess and Owen Wilson to help promote her image and album. Cuz everyone loves a girl who dates a charity case! [MSNBC]

Jon Bon Jovi for Governor of Jersey?
The rocker is ready to give politics a bad name. As in Governor Bon Jovi. [NYP]

Pics Prove Jake & Reese?s Love
Sure they’re boring, but they’re also kind of perfect together in that ‘sometimes it’s fun to watch paint dry’ sort of way. [Us]

Angelina Jolie the Journalist
The actress is penning a piece for The Economist, which we hope is about how making babies with Brad Pitt will change the world. [Us]

Britney Heads Back to Court
Here’s a tip Brit – have one of your babies drive and you won’t end up back in court every couple of days. [TMZ]