You better not claim to be sick of the Jamie-Lynn baby drama yet! We’re only 2 days in and there’s so much to get caught up on. Let’s make it quick and painless (unlike that ol’ thing called birth that J-L’s gonna tackle in the Spring).
- Jamie-Lynn and her baby-daddy aren’t dating anymore. Girl’s going at it alone in the delivery room with her mom by her side! Brit will have to stay in the waiting room.
- Hey ex Casey Aldridge may be guilty of statutory rape, depending on where the baby was conceived. Someone steal J-L’s diary!
- K-Fed knew about the pregnancy before Britney. Telling the stable one first is always a wise plan.
- Papa Spears is allegedly “devastated” and thinks that Jamie-Lynn “ruined her life.” Give her a chance to at least ruin the kid before you say that, Dad!
- Finally, Brit has already sent her lil’ sister a gift basket of goodies – like this super-cheesy sequined tank top – though a more appropriate gift would have been a handwritten list of mothering advice. Then J-L would know what not to do.
Brit’s 16-Year-Old Sister Pregnant (HOT Photos Inside)
No Baby for Fantasia
The singer has not hopped back on the baby train, she just missed a bunch of her Color Purple performances because she was sick. [Us]
Katie Holmes Called ?Mom? by Tom?s Kids
And Isabella and Connor Cruise call their real mom, Nicole Kidman, “scary plastic-faced lady.” [People]
Larry Birkhead Wants Britney, Her Money
Anna Nicole’s ex is hot for another vulnerable crazy blond to mooch money from. Swoon! [In Touch]
Tony Parker Suing the Sh*t Out of Paps
Eva’s man is defending his name and suing x17 photo agency, who claimed that he was doing it with a French model. [TMZ]
Paris? Pizza Boy: Modeling Career Falls Flat
Everything Paris Hilton touches turns to failure, after her pizza boy boyfriend gets dumped by his modeling agency. [TMZ]
Paris Hilton Saves the Planet
The heiress is helping the earth by buying a hybrid car. Maybe she could stop polluting it with her skanky outfits and cheap perfume, too. [Yahoo]
The Hills Girls Get Boozy
Vogue intern Lauren Conrad got a little too buzzed at The Hills finale party. Is it because the word is out that her Parisian love interest may be a plant? [NYP]
Reese Witherspoon’s a Bossy Co-Star
The actress is letting her Type A attitude flow on the set of her new movie with mellow dude Vince Vaughn. Somewhere her ex-husband is laughing. [NYDN]
Britney’s a Bad Boss
Brit got busted by paps who got her on video showing driving away from a gas station and leaving her assistant behind. [TMZ]
Charlie Sheen’s Psycho About Decorating
We love this picture of Charlie Sheen’s mansion decked out in X-Mas lights almost as much as we love his scandalous past. There’s gotta be something x-rated going on in that wholesome looking house!
Lindsay Hungry for Hilton?s Ex
LiLo satiates her need for booze and drugs with men – specifically Paris Hilton’s. We like these 12 steps! [NYP]
Dave Chapelle’s Six Hour Stand Up Act
The prolific stand-up broke his own record of doing stand-up for 6 hours and 7 minutes, clocking in at 6 hours and 12 minutes. We hope it was one long joke about walking away from $50 million. [Yahoo]
Posh Spice: ?I?m a gay man!?
Victoria Beckham hates all other celebs who attempt a perfume line but excuses herself, claiming she’s “camp” and “such a gay man.” Which has what to do with her crappy scent? [NYP]
Britney: Lames Excuses in Court
The driving machine used her kids’ safety as an excuse to block court records from social workers. Since when does she have safety in mind anyway? Only when it helps her, apparently. [NYP]
Dennis Quaid Sues Drug Firm Over OD
The actor and his wife are suing a pharmaceutical company over the drug that was accidentally given to their newborn twins in large, toxic doses. [People]
Eva Longoria’s Free Shopping Spree
The actress got free sh*t for being famous so she bought her pals expensive shoes while shopping in NYC. Everyone wins! [NYDN]
Madonna & Guy: Red Carpet Bickering
This conversation reads just like that annoying fight you and your ex got in right before you broke up. We love foreshadowing! [NYDN]
Lauren Conrad Gets in Bikini Shape
The Hills star finally put all that free time to good use – her ass. [People]
Brad Pitt Reviving New Orleans
Mr. Angelina does good in Nola, donating his own cash and helping to build houses for people put out by Katrina. [NYDN]
Britney: Most Searched Person of 2007
Because we all can’t get enough of her constant meltdowns and hair messes, Brit is the number one Yahoo! search of the year. The number two search: ‘Isn’t everyone sick of Britney Spears yet?’ [Reuters]
Mary-Kate Gets Back to Clubbing
Quick recovery? You got it dude! Hospitalized for a kidney infection last week, Mary-Kate Olsen is back out on the town – dancing until 3Am and getting cuddly with a generic Hollywood hunk. [NYP]
Emails ‘Confirm’ Britney?s Baby
In Touch claims the emails they have on a Blackberry from JR Rotem confirm their claims that Brit’s knocked up; however isn’t that like the easiest thing to fake? [In Touch]
Paris? Boy Toy Meets the Parents
Paris took her Swedish model out to dinner with her parents. Is it getting serious or did she just need them to pay? [DListed]
Brad Pitt Bans Nude Scenes
Daddy Braddy doesn’t want to be mortified when his kids watch his films, so he’s canning all nude scenes moving forward. Will Angie follow suit? We doubt it! [Us]
Madonna: England’s Animal Abuser?
Always the ‘innovator,’ Madge died her sheep different colors for a Vogue photoshoot, pissing off animal activists galore. Not quite as controversial as that sex book, but she’s still got it! [NYP]
Helio Castroneves Takes Dancing Crown
The soap star beat Mel B. and Marie Osmond to win Dancing With the Stars. Who-lio? [Us]
Oprah Wants You to Love Obama
The most famous woman in the world is hitting the campaign trail in support of her fave candidate. Oprah, Obama. Obama, Oprah. Nope – that joke still doesn’t work. [Variety]
Britney Dumped by New Driver
The singer’s new chauffeur has quit after determining that driving Britney around was a “liability.” Ah, ya think? [TMZ]
Paris Still Courting Pizza Boy
The heiress is still skankin’ around town with her Swedish pizza boy, delivering nastiness all over L.A. in under 30 minutes. [TMZ]
Nicole Gets Personal About Baby
The Simple Lifer opens up about her pregnancy and sounds more like a celebu-mom than a celebu-tard. Now if only she’d go back to being a celebu-nobody, we’d be happy. [People]
Foxy Brown Ditches Cell with Good Behavior
The jailed rap star was allowed to leave solitary confinement early due to her good behavior. Really? [TMZ]
Paris Wears Underwear to Lunch
P, her sis Nicky and pregnant pal Nicole Richie all met for lunch, and Paris wore a slip with stockings and not much else. If she is that desperate for attention maybe she should try covering up. Then we’d actually be shocked. [Just Jared]
Britney Gets Babies for X-Mas
K-Fed generously gave Brit their kids for Christmas after he got the boys on Thanksgiving. He just wants to get sloshed in peace this holiday season. [NYDN]
Madonna Won?t Let Her Hubby Fail
Madge is reportedly doing damage control for her man’s new movie after it got panned by British critics. She should just show them one of her flops and Guy’s flick will look a lot better. [NYDN]
Dancing with the Stars Disappoints
The finale of everyone’s fave show was a flop, because the celeb dancers kinda suck. Eh, Jennie Garth could have told ya that. [Us]
If we told you that Britney ran a stop sign, would you be surprised? How about three stop signs – in a row? Still not surprised, right? Yeah, neither are we. But what’s even less surprising is that there’s video of her dumb driving, and we’ve got it for you above! Because you know that whatever Britney does, it must be documented on tape. Britney waxes her moustache? On tape. Britney clogs the toilet? Gotta film that! No matter how small the dirty deed, regardless of how boring it is, it must be captured for the masses to see! Because as we all know, she does everything wrong. You think her driving is bad? You should see the girl sleep. And at the rate the paparazzi is going, we will, soon. [via Us Weekly]
Finally this divorce is gonna turn into a fun little game of Gotcha! Along with her private investigator (our guess is that this is just cousin-assistant Alli Sims in a Sherlock Holmes hat and pipe), BritBrit is attempting to bust K-Fed doing something dumb. Kevin’s attorney wasn’t fazed by the singer’s latest attempt at couple’s war, stating that he didn’t think her snooping would be “a good expenditure of funds.” But this is Britney Spears we’re talking about! The girl is made of funds. And so what if the Kev’s counselor isn’t freaked? We still like to imagine what dirty business Britney might find goin’ down at Chez Federline:
- Kevin likes to dance around in his underwear to – gasp! - Christina Aguilera.
- Sean Preston and Jayden James are fed Cheez-Its and Ginger Ale instead of Cheetos and Diet Coke.
- K-Fed invited Justin Timberlake over for a sleepover where they ate pizza, prank called Britney and learned the entire dance routine to “I’m a Slave 4 U.”
- Her ex has a weekly hang session with his bros where they smoke some of the green stuff, drink 40’s, and watch The Bachelor.
- Kevin stops at red lights and only makes left hand turns when the stoplight is green - amazing!