It all started with some ratty extensions…
…and it only got worse from there. Is this the VMAs or a Rob Zombie movie?
Still too hard to tell.
Britney’s trainwreck more or less set the tone for the rest of last night’s show, which was supposed to be a new-and-improved version of the Video Music Awards. Mostly, it just felt schizophrenic, with its performers scattered through a series of “parties” at the Palms Hotel in Las Vegas. Though less ceremonious in general (gone away, for the most part, were performer introductions, thankfully) and about as short as you could possibly expect an awards show to be (just over two hours, double thankfully), this year’s VMAs was a series of quick cuts and excerpted performances. It felt like a parody of MTV and the short-attention-span generation the network supposedly spawned. The awards show is what would happen if ADHD got ADHD. (And what’s worse — they gypped us out of what was undoubtedly the best part of the night: the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee tussle.)
After the jump, we recount some highlights. And by “highlights,” more times than not, we mean “lowlights.”
Apparently after going through one deadbeat husband, two kids, three rehab facilities and a whole lot of shaved hair, our pop princess has completely forgotten what once made her great – a hot bod, bangin’ dance moves, and some serious lip-syncing skills. Britney Spears opened MTV’s Video Music Awards tonight with her new song “Gimme More,” and damn, she was effing horrible. It was as if she went to sleep in a sparkly bikini and hooker boots and only woke up when her assistant shoved her on-stage to do her routine. If Brit’s gonna to pretend to have a comeback, she could have at least chugged a few Red Bulls beforehand. Anything to give her a little energy while she stands around lifeless and forgets the lyrics to her new song. Maybe she should have rehearsed more. We were rooting for Brit, but after this mess we’ll pass the next time she tries to give us more.
Examine the pics of her “comeback” and tell us – what do you think of Britney’s big performance?
Browse All Britney Spears Photos
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Britney’s Nutty, Naked Photoshoot
Britney’s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Sherri Shepherd Scores ‘View’ Seat
Barbara Walters will confirm it on Monday’s show, but word is already out that Sherri’s in. [People]
Jessica Simpson Flies In Style
Forget sweats – Jess wears a long dress, large jewels and massive heels when she hops on a plane. In other words, she’s Texan. [JustJared]
Busta Gets Lucky Break From Trial
The rapper may have four different trials going on, but at least one of the assault cases been pushed back a few months. Now Busta has time to really prepare for court – or to flee.? [NY Post]
No Child Abuse Charges for Britney
Brit’s not getting busted for ruining those kids lives….yet.? [Hollywood Rag]
Brangelina: Big Apple Bound?
The clan is shacking up at Angie’s NYC condo and Maddox just enrolled at a school on the Upper East Side. They’re the richest nomads ever!? [NY Post]
Take a good hard look at Britney Spears. She’s rough around the edges, yes, but she’s not a total mess. Her extensions look more “horse tail” than “rat nest,” her fugly tattoo of a pair of lips seems to not be visible, and her outfit appears to be constructed so that no breasts can escape and flash the world. Not bad for our troubled starlet! Still, the poor thing is hanging with that highlight-haired magician Criss Angel, who’s apparently only tappin’ it to get famous. Spies in the know report that he is a “press whore” and says that Brit’s new man, “doesn’t even really talk to her when they go out. This weekend at [club] LAX, they weren’t seated at the same table, but when the paparazzi were around he jumped in all the pictures.”
He’s also apparently not even helping Brit with her VMA performance as was rumored. Instead she’s supposedly just doing a straight up
song lipsync and dance routine to her new tune “Gimme More.” If he wants a career of baby raising and guest spots on “One Tree Hill,” than it looks like Angel is sleeping in the right bed. Smart career move, dude! [NYP. Image: Getty]
Criss Angel Works His Magic on Britney
Criss Angel Loves Cam(eras)
It’s finally happening! Two new Britney singles – Gimme More and Cold As Fire – from her next album have leaked, and it’s both exciting and totally freaky at the same time. One minute she’s all hot and sexy and the next minute she sounds like a cracked out chipmunk – but still both tunes are kinda catchy. We’re so desperate for a Britney comeback that we’ll take what we can get. If she wrote a kickass jam about her fugly hair extensions we’d probably be into it.
When not laying down tracks, the singer is also reportedly working her butt off with creeptastic magician Criss Angel on her VMAs performance. A source tells the NY Daily News that “Angel will guide Spears in and out of a series of mirrors, making it seem as though she vanishes and then reappears several times.” Dancers are also going to be attached to harnesses and propelled in the air so they appear as though they are flying. Brit’s already made out with Madonna, fondling a snake and danced in a sparkly, nude-colored body suit. She’s topped everyone else, but can she top herself?
Give a listen to her two singles and let us know what you think. Do the new tunes put you back on the Britney bandwagon?
Cold As Fire
“Umbrella” Could Have Been Brit’s Song
Britney’s New Single: Dropping Next Week?
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Brit?s Ex-Manager Feels K-Fed’s Wrath
Larry Rudolph was in hiding for weeks but there’s no stopping the K-Fed subpoena machine. Britney’s former manager will be forced to dish the dirt on the star in court – think she fed him booze to help him fall asleep too? [Us Weekly]
Owen?s Lawyer Denies Pill Popping
The actor’s counsel admits that Wilson slit his wrist in a suicide attempt but says no pills were ingested. It doesn’t really matter what he did or didn’t do – it’s still all just really sad. [WWTDD]
Rihanna Keeps New Love on the DL
The sexy singer tries to play it cool about her new man, saying “we are just friends.” Whatever – he’ll be under her umbrella soon enough. [DListed]
Gwen?s Got the Hot Mom Look Down
The Harajuku girl shows off her goods while vacationing with her fam in Hawaii. Think Kingston will be embarrassed when he realizes his mom’s a MILF? [WWTDD]
Pics: Angelina: From Iraq to Family Time
There’s a reason she stays so skinny – she just jets around and never eats. She’s either a super mom or super crazy. [Just Jared]
New Couple: Rihanna & Shia?
“Umbrella” Could Have Been Brit’s Song
Owen Dabbles in Meth, Jesus & Ben Stiller
Ah, the ’90s.?What a?decade: U2 dressed up like girls, Tupac‘s stomach tattoo?was legendary, and we were all?feeling so magnanimous that somehow Moby became a star. VH1′s 100 Greatest Songs of the ’90s celebrates the days when Britney Spears wasn’t crazy, just jailbait, and O.D.B. was racking up court dates faster than Ike Turner times Phil Spector to the power of?Lindsay Lohan. Now it’s time to honor the decade that began with C&C Music Factory and ended with the stupidity of Woodstock ’99. We want your participation, too. What songs do you think should?make the list? Vote here, now. The people will have their voice! (The show airs in December, so check back for updates.)