Heard the one about Britney Spears getting collagen lip injections and then driving over a photographer? There’s no actual punchline, because Britney’s enough of a joke on her own. As you can see in the above video, the wreck of a singer left an LA medical center covering her mouth. Pics show her lips looking extra large, but maybe they’re just swollen from eating too many Big Macs. Girl likes things super-sized! Poor thing probably couldn’t see over her massive mouth, and that’s how she ended up nailing a photographer’s foot under her car. I have a sneaking suspicion that her lips actually knocked him out. They’re so huge she had to open her window to make room for them, and crunch! Man down. The incident so upset Britney that she stopped for a moment, started crying and then drove away to go eat a cookie. You know, something she just urgently NEEDS to do in public.
Partying Paris Hires a Driver
The heiress arranged for transportation so she didn’t have to get behind the wheel after a night of table dancing and shots. It only took her 40 days in jail to wise up! [Us Weekly]
Heidi Montag?s Sexy Music Video
As if Heidi and Spencer couldn’t get more loathsome…The two recently shot her music video on the beach, with Heidi prancing around in a bikini. The concept appears to be T&A – her only two redeeming qualities, natch. [Just Jared]
Is Seinfeld’s Wife a Liar?
Jessica Seinfeld’s new kids cookbook is eerily similar to another recipe guide that came out earlier this year. Which leads us to ask, “What’s the deal with plagiarizing about pureed food?” [NYDN]
Britney Settles Hit & Run
One problem out of the way, 68950302840303 more to go! [TMZ]
Doggone Tired Ellen Cancels Show
After a grueling week of dog drama, Ellen takes the day off. Will her fans call in death threats to her now, too? [TMZ]
The judge in Brit’s custody case has denied the starlet any and all visitation rights with her kids! Oh snap. No sleepovers, no monitored play time, no family dinners where each kid gets his own KFC bucket of Extra Crispy chicken. So why has the starlet’s visits been suspended? Because the Queen of all Idiots “did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests.”
Sigh. Come on Britney, get it together! If you don’t, you’re gonna have to resort to some drastic measures to see those kids. Check out the hilarious video above for some sweet ideas – Mrs. Britfire has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?? [TMZ. BWE]
Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]
Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]
Lilo & Her Man?s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]
Oprah?s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]
Britney?s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]
Britney turned herself in last night to to the LAPD at around 9:30 PM and went through the regular booking routine – photographs, fingerprints, a detailed account of what the eff she was thinking when she hit a car in front of swarms of cameras and then walked away. The starlet was decked out in a typical Brit outfit of designer clothes that somehow, when combined on her bod, look like streetwalker garb. Brit was reportedly “polite and courteous to the officers,” and according to the booking sheet is 5’5 and weighs 125 pounds (so healthy – hurray for Taco Bell!). Check out the clip of her chat with a local LA newscaster as she walks from the jail to her car, especially if you’re dying to know Brit’s answer to “Any plans for Halloween?” That is stellar journalism at work right there! America needs to know! Interestingly enough, Britney was spotted driving around in a pink wig prior to her jail journey. Isn’t every day Halloween for her? [TMZ. Image: Getty]
The pop tard is looking for a few brave souls to strut their stuff in her latest music video. Britney will be holding auditions for the gig this afternoon in Los Angeles and anyone can show up – it’s an open call! Maybe she’s secretly on the hunt for a new husband? If you’re comfortable wearing wigs and pleather while riding stripper poles, head on down today! You may get lucky and end up beside Brit in her next video – if you consider that sort of thing a positive. If your skills are lacking, just bring her some Taco Bell or a Frappucino, you’ll be grinding on camera in no time. [TMZ]
Could This Be the Blackout Cover?
Help Britney Design Blackout
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Britney’s Most Shocking Moments
Box Set: Britney Spears
After yesterday’s rash of fake covers for Britney Spears‘ forthcoming Blackout disc (including one “verified” by the always reliable source that is Fox News), one comes along that could really be real. Really! Via ONTD, this one supposedly can be found on Sony BMG’s login-only promo site that services images and album info to media outlets. Of course, the irony of this being the possible official cover is that a) it’s about 10 times uglier and tackier than Cheeto-dusted fingers and b) a fan could have made it. Literally! The main image is just a colorized version of a shot previously used for the U.K. version of the “Gimme More” single:
Look at all that effort! It’s the album-artwork equivalent of that somnambulist performance Britney stumbled through on this year’s VMAs. Or that laughable “Gimme More” video. Or, you know, Britney’s half-hearted attempts to win back her kids. Whatever, at least this project has a theme: sloth.
Bet you Photoshop geniuses have some ideas what the real Brit cover art should look like. Send us some examples to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll put them up.
With news that Britney Spears‘ label has moved up the release of her much-anticipated fifth album Blackout, the Internets are ablaze with suspected album covers. Given the amount of speculation and Britney?s recent struggles, we put together a few of our own suggestions and invite you to do the same. E-mail creations to email@example.com, and we’ll add submissions to this post as they are received.
From the Internet:
None of these take into consideration that her album title (which refers to “blocking out negativity and embracing life fully” according to her record label) may go down as the most ironic in the history of recorded music, given the star’s stints in rehab and her rumored drug and alcohol addiction.
We’re thinking the album title has more to do with what she does each evening, or what she’s done to the unburned photographs in the family album. Regardless of the title, we’re still thinking it’ll do better than “Popozao.”
From the VH1 Blog:
From our readers:
Pillow fights! Popcorn! Watching Pretty Woman together and giggling! Brit wants her babies to sleep over, and her lawyers are going to court this morning (yes, Britney skipped the hearing again) to beg the judge for some baby time. Brit currently is only allowed monitored daytime visits, but she’s apparently passed a few drug tests and has now decided that she’s a fit mom. Her request seems pretty reasonable to us. Her worst offense is really this horrible fur coat she rocked last night, when she went out and only drank water. So adult! You go girl!
K-Fed’s lawyer is obviously not having Brit’s request for more sleepovers, and used some seriously mean legal language to tell her so. Yet even though the court case has divided the family, they are all still connected through one thing. Nooooo, not their love of Happy Meals. Britney, Kevin, Sean P and Jayden J all have PINK EYE! Maybe that parenting coach can advise this family to wash their hands more. [Getty]
You ready for Brit’s 1-2-3 punch? Here it is!
1. She’s been accused of being physically violent against her ex-hubby, which may account for the “no corporal punishment” clause in their custody agreement. Did all his tank tops make her throw fisticuffs?
2. Britney’s been ordered by a judge to be booked for that ‘Whoops! I just hit a parked car, ya’ll!’ moment she had in August. Seeing as Brit just walked away from the scene the incident is technically a hit and run, and she is trying to settle with the ‘victim’ out of court. We just want a Britney mugshot!
3. The album of the year is about to hit stores early! Britney’s latest attempt at a comeback, her new album Blackout (yes, that’s the real name), is dropping two weeks early on October 30th. This means you can actually buy all the songs you’ve already heard leaked all over the internet! [Image: Getty]
Britney Loses Her Kids
Britney Bombs on the VMAs
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Britney’s Nutty, Naked Photoshoot
Britney’s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Britney’s Most Shocking Moments
Box Set: Britney Spears