by (@katespencer)

Do You Believe This is Britney Spears?

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Have you seen Britney Spears lately? She’s all sorts of messed up – fake blue contacts a blazin’, stains on her 1980′s purple Fashion Bug button down tank-blouse, with some serious bra-less boob action going on underneath. She doesn’t need a stylist, she needs a mom. Considering her current state of nastiness, the above ad for her new perfume – appropriately named Believe – is all that more amazing. This isn’t airbrushing, it’s editorial welding! And seriously, has she ever had hair that looks like organic corn silk? Even when her locks were real, they still had that crispy, “been ruined since her first perm at age 6″ look to them. Also, she’s got some serious finger balancing skills. Look at that perfume bottle go! [DListed]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Spears Goes Camera Crazy

In this video, Britney Spears is:

  1. Filming what her chewed-up hands look like on a driving wheel. Scary!
  2. Auditioning paparazzi for Season Two of Britney and Kevin Your Name Here: Chaotic.
  3. Desperate to capture the magic that one lunch of cheesy Mexican food can do to her saggy ass.
  4. Hoping to catch the naive happiness the adorable waitress feels when she realizes she’s serving a a train wreck. Just you wait until Britney demands her fifteenth basket of free chips! Not so happy anymore, eh?
  5. All of the above.

Any guesses?

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by (@katespencer)

Everyone’s Invited to Britney’s Pit Stop

Watch this video and you may feel a little bad for Britney Spears. Girl has to pee, runs into her local Quiznos, and ends up with a gajillion cameras in her face and dudes falling over tables as she tries to leave. But here’s the weird thing – she appears to have invited one of the cameramen into the bathroom with her. Weird? Yes. Creepy? Yes. Insane? Yes. Britney’s so effing predictable, it hurts! The way she does things these days, it’d be weirder if she peed in a clean bathroom in the privacy of her own home with no one watching. [IDLYITW]

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by (@katespencer)

“Don’t Tase Me Bro” Rocks the Web

Can’t get enough of that student who was tasered at a John Kerry speech last week? The incident – and his infamous cry of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” – lives on forever on the web, inspiring a ton of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” musical numbers for your listening pleasure. Why there’s:

Police weapons have never sounded this good before!

by (@katespencer)

What’s in Britney Spears’ Bloodstream?

druggiebritney.jpgThe judge in Britney’s custody case has ordered the new restrictions in her case to be put in place, meaning our girl’s gonna be attending those parenting classes real soon. Even better, Brit’s gotta get drug tested twice a week, and we can’t wait to see what they reveal. What could possibly be floating around in that girl’s bloodstream – besides, you know, all the drugs and booze she supposedly ingests?

  • Two tons of Starbucks Venti Java Chip Frappuccino
  • Seventeen liters of Clairol Nice n’ Easy Hair Dye in Natural Light Ash Blonde
  • A bottle’s worth of Fantasy by Britney Spears perfume
  • Cheetos resin
  • One fake nail chewed off five minutes before VMAs performance
  • Bit Bit the chihuahua
  • A couple of fedoras
  • Oh yeah, and a bunch of drugs

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by (@katespencer)

Could Britney’s Life Get Any Worse?

Of course it could! She could have uglier, faker extensions. She could – nope, that’s it. Her life has officially hit rock bottom over a 48-hour span. If you don’t believe us, check this shizz out:

  • Bad: On Friday that massive bodyguard, Tony Barretto, who served as a surprise witness in Brit’s custody battle revealed the gory details about life with the singer, which apparently included drug overdoses, whiskey kept in the pantry and her own made-up language. It’s-Ay Ritney-Bay, Itch-Bay!
  • Totes Bad: Also on Friday, she was charged with a hit and run after she rammed her Mercedes into a parked car in August (see video above). Brit was spotted that day leaving her lawyer’s office in tears.
  • Seriously Badtastic: That same bodyguard does a second interview and claims Brit talked about suicide and ate sushi for breakfast. Her craziness clearly has a range.
  • Possibly a Good Thing?: This weekend her lawyers and friends(she has friends?) apparently tried to get Britney back into rehab. She did leave LA this weekend, but is supposedly in Atlanta and not detoxing.
  • It Only Gets Worse: The bodyguard kept his blabbing going on The Today Show this morning. Stay in Atlanta, Brit! We hear the food their is really good fried. You’ll love it!

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by (@katespencer)

The Weekly Wrap Up: Mya Drops, Amy Flops, Common Gives Props

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by (@katespencer)

Friday: Britney Pops a Pacifier in her Mouth

britney0921.jpgSnoop Dogg Pleads Guilty in Court
This time murder’s not the case they gave him. Instead, the rapper plead guilty to boarding a plane with a baton. [People]

Pics: Britney Plays with Baby Toys
There are train wrecks, and then there’s Britney. The only way she could look more pathetic while sucking her kid’s pacifier is if she had on a dunce cap and was standing in the corner. Seriously, someone help her. [Just Jared]

Paris? Fake Generosity
The heiress is going to give away her clothes to children’s hospitals because she “never wears something twice.” Interestingly, she’s never worn underwear once. Maybe she should make herself a donation at Victoria’s Secret instead. [Mollygood]

J Lo: Feuding with her Mom
Weird – Jennifer Lopez’s mom bitterly admitted that she and her once-close daughter do not talk or see each other any more. Was Gigli really that bad? [NY Daily News]

Sad Brad Pitt Cheered Up by Kids
We get it. You love your kids. They love you. Who knew boning Angelina would come with such rewarding baggage? [People]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Justin Dishes on Ex-Love Britney

justintimberlake0920.jpgJustin Finally Blabs About Britney
On yesterday’s Oprah, JT reveals that he’ll always have love for the messed up star, but doesn’t know how she ended up in the rough spot she’s in today. How about millions of dollars and Cheetos? [Us Weekly]

Kate Moss Sucks at Fashion
The model went out on the town and came home so messed up that her dress was torn and reconstructed. She’s the British Britney – just with a better accent. [Mollygood]

Charlie Sheen Battles Ex for Kids
The actor and his ex Denise Richards just can’t control themselves when it comes to talking trash and filing legal complaints concerning their kids. For the sake of your children – shut the eff up. [DLsited]

Matt McConaughey Covers for Owen
The stable hunk is set to replace the less stable hunk in the movie “Tropic Thunder.” It’s so nice when bros got each others backs. [Variety]

Lindsay Lohan Penning Memoir?
LiLo may be hitting up the typewriter to detail all the crazy sh*t she’s done for your reading pleasure. Sounds like perfect beach bitch reading! [I'm Not Obsessed]

by (@katespencer)

Britney’s Bad Parenting Finally Busted

britney0919.jpgYesterday the judge in the Britney-Kevin custody battle handed down his ruling, and damn does it paint Brit in a bad light! Here’s what the trashy exes gotta do to keep their kids:

  • No smack talking
  • No Vegas trips without each other’s consent
  • No spanking or other forms of skin smacking punishment
  • Must attend counseling and “Parenting Without Conflict” program
  • No getting hammered or high 12 hours prior to taking the kids

But Brit gets an even worse deal, cuz she’s kinda the worse parent. She’s gotta go to individual counseling, meet with a parenting coach, and get drug tested twice a week (the judge thinks she’s got a problem, natch). Snap! But Brit don’t care – she went out and got sh*tfaced last night at a couple of LA clubs. Sorry Sean and Jayden – mommy needs her “bottle” just as much as you kiddies do – maybe more. Betcha can’t wait for those tests to start! [Image: Getty]

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