by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Christina Stinks So Good

xtina1003.jpgX-Tina Jumps on Perfume Bandwagon
The singer has her own scent and a (kind of) sexy new commercial. She may have the best voice, but can she beat Mimi and Britney when it comes to stinkin’ up America? [Just Jared]

Brad Blabs about Copying Angie
Mr. Jolie sounds more like Mr. Mom in this interview, in which he dishes on politics, helping others, and his paparazzi-savvy son “Maddie.” Cute? [ICYDK]

Pics: Lindsay Acts like a Kid in Rehab
Just another little girl picking out her Halloween pumpkin! Except that she’s washed up and 21-years old. [X17]

Nicole Richie Shows off her Glow
In these pics Nicole proves the theory that pregnant ladies glow – or her hair highlights are just that good. [Just Jared]

Britney Hates Super Fan Chris Crocker
The singer was apparently “insulted” by Crocker’s “Leave Britney Alone” rant. We think she’s just a little jealous that someone else is getting all the attention. [Us]

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Act Like An Ass, Lose Your Kids

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It couldn’t have gone on forever. Not after the bodyguard spilled the beans. So the court has stepped in and removed Britney Spears‘ kids from the singer’s home. As of Wednesday, that bastion of maturity, Kevin Federline, will take care of his own progeny. You recall the history. The judge ordered a parenting coach, and random testing for drugs after finding “habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances” defining the toxic one’s party-centric lifestyle. So come mid-day Wednesday, K-Fed will have to nurture Sean Preston and his brother himself – if he can stay alive, that is. Check pics of Brit and K-Fed in happier times, plus a few snapshots of Brit’s recent VMA disaster.

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by (@katespencer)

K-Fed Out to Bust Brit for Driving Illegally

britney1001.jpgFrom the Desk of Britney J. Spears:

Oops ya’ll! Kevin’s lawer is all PO’ed at me because I like, drove my Mercedes Benz (it cost a lot of money!) without a real California license. Big deal! I have a fake license that my cousin gave me that has my actual name on it but instead of California it says “Bimbo’s Driver’s License!” How funny is that? Especially because I don’t even know what a bimbo is. I’m sure it’s something sexy. Anyhoodles, I got a real license too, from like Louisiana or Texas or wherever I grew up. I’m sure I can use that in California. And who cares if my kids were in the car or not? I had them strapped into their tiny people seats with duct tape and straps and stuff. They’re finnnneee. So what if it’s, like, illegal? I’m pretty sure I still have a lot of money, and you know people with money get away with bad stuff because we’re better than other people. Didn’t I just sell some perfume or my own line of hamburger meat or something? Whatever. I’m still rich.

I gotta go pee now.
I love rum and cokes my fans my kids, ya’ll!

- Britz

by (@katespencer)

Monday: J. Lo Dressing Like a Mom-to-Be

jenniferlopez1001.jpgBritney Spears? Sassy New Song
Brit lets it all hang out in her latest leaked single. We mean the mental stuff, not her boobs (amazingly). [Just Jared]

Kate Hudson Dumps No Name Beau
Poor Dax Shephard – those fifteen minutes are long gone now that Kate has jumped ship. At least she did the right thing and had a pal dump him for her. What manners! [OK!]

Jennifer Lopez Rockin? Maternity Outfits?
Er, Jenny and her hubby Marc Anthony are claiming that the diva’s not knocked up, but what other excuse is there for outfits like these? [NYDN]

Angelina Not Fired, Still Perfect
Luxury clothing line St. John denies that they’ve fired Brad’s boo as their spokesmodel. Too bad – Shiloh and Zahara were all ready to take her place. [Us Weekly]

Beyonc? Cancels Controversial Show
The singer canceled her concert in Malaysia following protests from Muslim groups. Maybe she just wanted to hit up St. Tropez with Jay instead. [Us Weekly]

by (@katespencer)

The Weekly Wrap Up: Ja Rule Speaks, Britney Snaps & Kosmo Closes His Final Set

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by (@katespencer)

Do You Believe This is Britney Spears?

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Have you seen Britney Spears lately? She’s all sorts of messed up – fake blue contacts a blazin’, stains on her 1980′s purple Fashion Bug button down tank-blouse, with some serious bra-less boob action going on underneath. She doesn’t need a stylist, she needs a mom. Considering her current state of nastiness, the above ad for her new perfume – appropriately named Believe – is all that more amazing. This isn’t airbrushing, it’s editorial welding! And seriously, has she ever had hair that looks like organic corn silk? Even when her locks were real, they still had that crispy, “been ruined since her first perm at age 6″ look to them. Also, she’s got some serious finger balancing skills. Look at that perfume bottle go! [DListed]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Spears Goes Camera Crazy

In this video, Britney Spears is:

  1. Filming what her chewed-up hands look like on a driving wheel. Scary!
  2. Auditioning paparazzi for Season Two of Britney and Kevin Your Name Here: Chaotic.
  3. Desperate to capture the magic that one lunch of cheesy Mexican food can do to her saggy ass.
  4. Hoping to catch the naive happiness the adorable waitress feels when she realizes she’s serving a a train wreck. Just you wait until Britney demands her fifteenth basket of free chips! Not so happy anymore, eh?
  5. All of the above.

Any guesses?

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by (@katespencer)

Everyone’s Invited to Britney’s Pit Stop

Watch this video and you may feel a little bad for Britney Spears. Girl has to pee, runs into her local Quiznos, and ends up with a gajillion cameras in her face and dudes falling over tables as she tries to leave. But here’s the weird thing – she appears to have invited one of the cameramen into the bathroom with her. Weird? Yes. Creepy? Yes. Insane? Yes. Britney’s so effing predictable, it hurts! The way she does things these days, it’d be weirder if she peed in a clean bathroom in the privacy of her own home with no one watching. [IDLYITW]

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by (@katespencer)

“Don’t Tase Me Bro” Rocks the Web

Can’t get enough of that student who was tasered at a John Kerry speech last week? The incident – and his infamous cry of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” – lives on forever on the web, inspiring a ton of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” musical numbers for your listening pleasure. Why there’s:

Police weapons have never sounded this good before!

by (@katespencer)

What’s in Britney Spears’ Bloodstream?

druggiebritney.jpgThe judge in Britney’s custody case has ordered the new restrictions in her case to be put in place, meaning our girl’s gonna be attending those parenting classes real soon. Even better, Brit’s gotta get drug tested twice a week, and we can’t wait to see what they reveal. What could possibly be floating around in that girl’s bloodstream – besides, you know, all the drugs and booze she supposedly ingests?

  • Two tons of Starbucks Venti Java Chip Frappuccino
  • Seventeen liters of Clairol Nice n’ Easy Hair Dye in Natural Light Ash Blonde
  • A bottle’s worth of Fantasy by Britney Spears perfume
  • Cheetos resin
  • One fake nail chewed off five minutes before VMAs performance
  • Bit Bit the chihuahua
  • A couple of fedoras
  • Oh yeah, and a bunch of drugs

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