by (@katespencer)

Monday: Paris Chops Her Hair Off; Britney Speeds and Pleads with Cops

paris_082707.jpgBrangelina: The Perfect Big Apple Family
The perfect Pitt-Jolie posse have taken NYC and the city’s parks and playgrounds by storm. They win “the coolest tourists” award for this week. [Just Jared]

Paris Lets Her Short Hair Hang
The heiress has chopped off her extensions and was spotted debuting her new Katie Holmes-like bob at her latest house party, where Kid Rock was a guest. Let’s hope she at least donated her unwanted locks. [DListed]

Is Madonna?s New Track a Rip-Off?
Madge’s new track supposedly sounds a lot like Britney’s “I’m a Slave 4 U,” which would make Madonna the only person in America still trying to copy the lost pop princess. [NY Post]

Winehouse: Caught with Crack Pipe?
Amy was apparently spotted getting high with a crack pipe in hand in the bathroom at the Chicago Lollapalooza show. Just her regular ol’ pre-show ritual, it seems. [NY Daily News]

Britney Pulled Over for Speeding
The starlet got a scolding by cops for speeding but got off without a ticket after using the old “the paparazzi were chasing me” excuse. It’s good to know that crazy celebs still get star treatment. [DListed]

by (@katespencer)

The Weekly Wrap Up: Lindsay’s Lucky, Hayden’s Hot, Flav is Back in Business

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by (@katespencer)

Justin Reminds Britney Who’s In Charge

jtmadge082307.jpgBritney’s ex may be teaming up with Madonna to one up Britney’s comeback at the VMAs. Apparently it’s just a sweet rumor right now, but Madonna is reportedly “interested,” according to an E! Online source. This coupling would surely outshine whatever creepy magic show Britney is planning on doing with Criss Angel. What would you rather see – Madonna and JT rocking the house or Criss Angel pulling Brit out of a hat as her new depressing song plays? Plotting a comeback is gonna to be a lot harder than Brit thought, especially since her peers spent the last few years building careers – not ruining them. [Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney’s New Song is Sadder Than Her Life

britney082307.jpgThere’s only one thing we enjoy more than Britney being crazy, and that’s hearing new Britney music! Thankfully we have BOTHnot today. On the crazy front, Lady Spears – who is still at home in California and not peeing her way across Europe – is apparently so desperate to keep her sons that she is thinking of fleeing to London, Madonna style. She was also spotted by Life&Style magazine out at a Hollywood night spot recently looking down and depressed, and when pressed by the mag’s spy about her mood she replied, “My babies are my life.”

Poor thing. Check out her new song that leaked today and you’ll get a sense of the weird, dark place she’s currently living in. Brit actually belts it out pretty hard, when not bizarrely reenacting a phone call with K-Fed. She also apparently loves sampling beats from music boxes. The last line is definitely the best – is she talking about the sun in the sky or the son(s) her ex is trying to take away from her?

Listen to Britney’s new sad slow jam HERE and tell us what you think! Sucktastic or comeback worthy? [Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Bolts to Belgium

Weirdo!Britney’s apparently decided to head across the Atlantic to woo the Europeans with her adorable meltdowns. They’re probably a lot cooler with craziness than we Americans are. According to the latest cover of Star (see pic, left), Brit was plotting to head to France with her kids. While it appears that the kids are currently with K-Fed, Britney was allegedly spotted taking one of her signature piss breaks at a restaurant in Belgium wearing an ill-fitted wig. Maybe she is on her way to London to save Pete Doherty’s cats. K-Fed supposedly was worried that Brit would try to kidnap the kids and take them overseas. I’m sure he’s pretty relieved that she decided just to bring a couple of wigs instead. Bon Voyage! [Dlisted]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Makes Her Worst Career Move Yet

britjt082207.jpgIt’s official – Britney is an effing idiot. Page Six is reporting that the washed up pop star was on board to do a duet with her ex-flame, the world’s most famous man Justin Timberlake. JT had written the song especially for Brit and it was all set to be produced by Timbaland when suddenly, right before she was set to leave to record the track, she pullled out and is now refusing to do the song.

Shaving her head may have been a little weird, but this is just insane. Imagine the awesomeness if Brit was to open the VMAs with her ex-boyfriend at her side on-stage! Now people are worried her “comeback” is going to be more embarrassing than the past year of her life. Her actions are doing nothing to stop people from whispering about her mental state, too. A source says, “People like her are sick. It’s like an anorexic who’s sick in the head and needs help. She needs help.” Right. Maybe our expectations our way to high for Brit right now. She doesn’t need help picking comeback songs, she needs help getting dressed in the morning. Parents, don’t let your children become pop stars! [NY Post. Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

K-Fed Celebrates Subpoenas in Vegas

082007.jpgMr. Mom Kevin Federline continued covering Hollywood in legal papers this weekend, serving Promises Treatment Center – Brit’s rehab home in Malibu – with a subpoena. I kinda want to see him serve Britney’s new “man” Criss Angel some legal papers, just to see the magician try to make then disappear. This brings the total K-Fed subpoena count up to four (including assistants Shannon Funk and Alli Sims and bodyguard Daimon Shippen), which gave the guy something to celebrate in Vegas this weekend, where he macked ladies and danced like the tool awesome dad that he is. Meanwhile Brit’s attempting to get back at K-Fed, but apparently her lawyer, Lauren Wasser, wants nothing to do with the pop star and is trying to hand her off to another legal adviser. Anyone else see a trend here? [Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Monday: Justin is Single and Mingling; Joel Pops the Question to Nicole

justin82007.jpgTimberlake Loves the Single Life
Even though he’s been lovey-dovey with Jessica Biel lately, the singer was spotted getting super cozy with a hot brunette this weekend. Get ready to cry a river, Jess. [NY Post]

Lindsay: Ready To Record Album?
Forget movies – Lindsay is ready to revive her singing career with a third album. Expect it to be chock full of great songs for car rides. [NY Daily News]

Brit Goes Bare Without Extensions
Check out these photos of the pop princess without her extensions and you’ll be dreaming of the days she rocked that bad weave. [X17]

Winehouse: Serious About Rehab
Amy skipped out on going to a cushy treatment facility and instead opted for Britain’s more serious Causeway Retreat. Now if only she’d get serious about rehabbing her hair, too. [NY Post]

Nicole and Joel Hear Wedding Bells
Joel Madden apparently proposed to his baby mama Nicole Richie on Thursday. These two are pregnant and engaged after only six months of dating – at the rate they’re going they’ll be retired and living in Florida in a year. [People]

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by (@katespencer)

The Weekly Wrap Up: Bret Speaks, Foxy Beats, and Kim Kardashian Loves Her Ass

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by (@katespencer)

Friday: Nicole Bosses Her Man Around; Amy Winehouse Gets Healthy

nicole0817071.jpgBrit and Criss Angel Plot VMA Spot
The singer’s VMA performance is reportedly confirmed, and she’s brought Criss Angel in to help plan her gig. He can get on stage and distract the crowd with card tricks while Brit bombs. [X17]

Nicole?s Got Joel Whipped
Joel had to turn down a photo with a lady fan after Nicole gave him strict instructions to avoid any situation that may get rumors started. Let’s star a rumor about Nicole being controlling instead! [NY Post]

Reece and Ryan?s Secret Dates
The estranged couple have apparently been going on dates to try to rekindle their romance. Nothing like a little divorce to spice things up! [E Online]

Read more…