From the Desk of Britney J. Spears:
Oops ya’ll! Kevin’s lawer is all PO’ed at me because I like, drove my Mercedes Benz (it cost a lot of money!) without a real California license. Big deal! I have a fake license that my cousin gave me that has my actual name on it but instead of California it says “Bimbo’s Driver’s License!” How funny is that? Especially because I don’t even know what a bimbo is. I’m sure it’s something sexy. Anyhoodles, I got a real license too, from like Louisiana or Texas or wherever I grew up. I’m sure I can use that in California. And who cares if my kids were in the car or not? I had them strapped into their tiny people seats with duct tape and straps and stuff. They’re finnnneee. So what if it’s, like, illegal? I’m pretty sure I still have a lot of money, and you know people with money get away with bad stuff because we’re better than other people. Didn’t I just sell some perfume or my own line of hamburger meat or something? Whatever. I’m still rich.
I gotta go pee now.
rum and cokes my fans my kids, ya’ll!
Britney Spears? Sassy New Song
Brit lets it all hang out in her latest leaked single. We mean the mental stuff, not her boobs (amazingly). [Just Jared]
Kate Hudson Dumps No Name Beau
Poor Dax Shephard – those fifteen minutes are long gone now that Kate has jumped ship. At least she did the right thing and had a pal dump him for her. What manners! [OK!]
Jennifer Lopez Rockin? Maternity Outfits?
Er, Jenny and her hubby Marc Anthony are claiming that the diva’s not knocked up, but what other excuse is there for outfits like these? [NYDN]
Angelina Not Fired, Still Perfect
Luxury clothing line St. John denies that they’ve fired Brad’s boo as their spokesmodel. Too bad – Shiloh and Zahara were all ready to take her place. [Us Weekly]
Beyonc? Cancels Controversial Show
The singer canceled her concert in Malaysia following protests from Muslim groups. Maybe she just wanted to hit up St. Tropez with Jay instead. [Us Weekly]
Have you seen Britney Spears lately? She’s all sorts of messed up – fake blue contacts a blazin’, stains on her 1980′s purple Fashion Bug button down tank-blouse, with some serious bra-less boob action going on underneath. She doesn’t need a stylist, she needs a mom. Considering her current state of nastiness, the above ad for her new perfume – appropriately named Believe – is all that more amazing. This isn’t airbrushing, it’s editorial welding! And seriously, has she ever had hair that looks like organic corn silk? Even when her locks were real, they still had that crispy, “been ruined since her first perm at age 6″ look to them. Also, she’s got some serious finger balancing skills. Look at that perfume bottle go! [DListed]
Browse Britney Spears Photos
Britney Spears Bombs on the VMAs
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Britney’s Nutty, Naked Photoshoot
Britney’s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Can’t get enough of that student who was tasered at a John Kerry speech last week? The incident – and his infamous cry of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” – lives on forever on the web, inspiring a ton of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!” musical numbers for your listening pleasure. Why there’s:
Police weapons have never sounded this good before!
Of course it could! She could have uglier, faker extensions. She could – nope, that’s it. Her life has officially hit rock bottom over a 48-hour span. If you don’t believe us, check this shizz out:
- Bad: On Friday that massive bodyguard, Tony Barretto, who served as a surprise witness in Brit’s custody battle revealed the gory details about life with the singer, which apparently included drug overdoses, whiskey kept in the pantry and her own made-up language. It’s-Ay Ritney-Bay, Itch-Bay!
- Totes Bad: Also on Friday, she was charged with a hit and run after she rammed her Mercedes into a parked car in August (see video above). Brit was spotted that day leaving her lawyer’s office in tears.
- Seriously Badtastic: That same bodyguard does a second interview and claims Brit talked about suicide and ate sushi for breakfast. Her craziness clearly has a range.
- Possibly a Good Thing?: This weekend her lawyers and friends(she has friends?) apparently tried to get Britney back into rehab. She did leave LA this weekend, but is supposedly in Atlanta and not detoxing.
- It Only Gets Worse: The bodyguard kept his blabbing going on The Today Show this morning. Stay in Atlanta, Brit! We hear the food their is really
good fried. You’ll love it!
Britney Bombs on the VMAs | Photo Gallery
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Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth