by (@katespencer)

Monday: Lindsay’s Locked Up and Lovin’ It

lindsay0917.jpgMadonna and Pals Invade Israel
The Kabbalah queen headed to Israel for the new year and brought along a slew of lame Hollywood pals. Rosie O’Donnell and the guy from Dawson’s Creek should not be allowed to ruin another country! [A Socialite's Life]

Lindsay: In Rehab for the Long Haul

The starlet’s committed to hangin’ in ‘hab for another 2-3 months. The food must be really damn good for her to want to stink around that long. [X17]

Britney Just Wants her Babies
Her lawyer claims that Britney just wants to be a mother to her two little boys. We’ll believe it when she closes her legs and starts acting like one. [People]

Paris : Having Kids is ?Retarded?
The heiress dispels rumors that she wants to adopt four blond babies, calling the myth “retarded.” Ah yes – people who talk like a dumb kid probably shouldn’t raise one – or four. [People]

Angelina?s Done With Drugs
Brad’s baby-mama claims that she’s done ‘em all (heroin included) and that pot made her feel the most crazy. Funny – we thought four kids would do that. [DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Brit Sprayed on Fake Abs for VMAs, Mary-Kate Hates Wearing Clothes

britneyspears_0912.jpgBrangelina Bolts From Big Apple
Now you see them, now you don’t. The Bran Clan jets from New York City and heads to…who knows? Disney World? Paris? The moon? They just can’t seem to settle down. [JustJared]

Britney Fakes Her Toned Abs
Reports reveal that the singer used “ab-defining spray” to give the illusion of a toned tummy. Sounds like a Criss Angel magic trick! [Us Weekly]

Eve Thirsty for Free Vodka
Eve’s booze-monitoring ankle bracelet is off, and she’s out celebrating her love of all things alcoholic out on the town. Sounds appropriate – for getting in trouble with the law again.? [NYPost]

Diddy?s Diamonds Goin? to Court

The hip hop mogul is going to court for assault and must bring his diamond rings with him, so his accuser can see if the size and shape of the jewels match his injuries bling-juries. [E Online]

Mary-Kate Olsen Runs Around Naked
The actress takes the lead over her sister in their “Which Twin is More Fun” Contest after revealing that she loves to run around her house dressed only in jewelry. [Us Weekly]

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by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Justin’s Dinner Threesome, Jessica Does the Walk of Shame

jessicasimpson0911.jpgBrangelina?s Super Spoiled Babies
Little Maddox has started kindergarten at a posh NYC school, where he only speaks French and eats gourmet lunches. Oh la (b)la(gh). [TMZ]

JT Celebrates VMAs with Two Ladies
The award-winning hottie skipped the VMA after parties to dine with his mom and girlfriend Jessica Biel. Sigh. He woulda been a good influence on Britney. [People]

Lindsay Loves Her Dad Again
The pair’s reconciliation continues at her Utah rehab, where they picked roses and hugged for the cameras. Who knew the paparazzi would be a part of the healing? [X17]

Mary-Kate Olsen Grows Up on TV
Check out this video of the twin’s most recent televised role – as a God-loving pothead on the hit show Weeds. Wanna see her smoke joints and make out on camera? You got it dude! [Just Jared]

Jessica: Desperate for More Mayer
The sad divorcee was spotted leaving John Mayer’s apartment building yesterday morning. Her body may not be a wonderland, but it’s good enough for a one night stand. [Gawker]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Busta Gets Lucky in Court; Brangelina Takes Manhattan

busta090607.jpgSherri Shepherd Scores ‘View’ Seat
Barbara Walters will confirm it on Monday’s show, but word is already out that Sherri’s in. [People]

Jessica Simpson Flies In Style
Forget sweats – Jess wears a long dress, large jewels and massive heels when she hops on a plane. In other words, she’s Texan. [JustJared]

Busta Gets Lucky Break From Trial
The rapper may have four different trials going on, but at least one of the assault cases been pushed back a few months. Now Busta has time to really prepare for court – or to flee.? [NY Post]

No Child Abuse Charges for Britney
Brit’s not getting busted for ruining those kids lives….yet.? [Hollywood Rag]

Brangelina: Big Apple Bound?
The clan is shacking up at Angie’s NYC condo and Maddox just enrolled at a school on the Upper East Side. They’re the richest nomads ever!? [NY Post]