by (@katespencer)

Monday: Paris Simply Sucks on Big Screen

parishilton021108.jpgParis Hilton?s Movie Not Hot at Box Office
Her unfunny flick The Hottie and the Nottie made no money over the weekend, which is wonderfully hilarious. [TMZ]

Ashton Celebrates his B-Day with Bruce
Next time you think your family is weird, just imagine Bruce Willis eating cake with his hands at his ex-wife’s husband’s 30th birthday party. Feel better?? [NYDN]

Is Scarlett Engaged to Alanis? Ex?
The actress (who dates Ryan Reynolds) was spotted wedding dress shopping with her mom, fueling engagement rumors.? [NYP]

Britney?s B*tchy Grammy Commentary
We’re so glad Brit’s out of the hospital, so she can charmingly tell the Grammys to kiss her ass. British Britney is just pissed she didn’t get a nod for Best New Artist.? [TMZ]

Amy Finally Fixes that Tooth
Eff all her awards, her dentist should win an prize for that work.? [DListed]