by (@katespencer)

Brangelina Likes Bono Better Than You

Sorry, regular peeps. There is absolutely no chance you’ll be considered for the role of god-father to the new golden gods, Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt. Super famous kids need super famous godparents, and Bono‘s getting the job, soley for the reason that it’s pretty f*cking cool to get money on your birthday every year from the dude who sings “With Or Without You.” Also, Brad and Angie are star f*ckers. Need examples?

1. A source says: “They have been friends for years. Brad is a massive U2 fan and told Bono how much he admired him when they were introduced at a party a few years back.”

2. The same source reveals: “Angelina is inspired by Bono’s humanitarian work and gets on with his wife Ali Hewson. Ali’s given Angelina some clothes from her ethical clothing range Edun.”

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Coldplay Singer Bummed Brad Banged Gwyneth First

What’s the toughest part about being married to Gwyneth Paltrow? Knowing that Brad Pitt got there first, according to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. In an interview with Rolling Stone, Martin confesses to still being hung up on the fact that wife Gwyneth Paltrow was engaged to one of the world’s hottest men before Martin dated her. “If your wife went out with Brad Pitt you’d want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?”

In another revelation the sappy singer offers up to the magazine, Martin confesses that he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 22. “There were religious issues and sh*t like that…Also confidence. I had a tricky time with girls.” With lyrics like Martin’s (sample: “Tell you I’m sorry / You don’t know how lovely you are”) you’d think he was above it, but like 99% of rockers, he got into music for the ladies.

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Family Bids Heath Farewell

heathledger.jpgJessica Balks at Break Up Rumors
Simpson is suing the mag that claimed Tony Romo is desperate to dump her, which only makes her seem that much more annoying. [TMZ]

Brit?s Bud Sam Lufti Grilled in Deposition
K-Fed’s lawyers went after Brit’s sidekick Sam, attempting to discover what Britney drinks, thinks and does all day long. Try: vodka, little and nothing.? [TMZ]

Angelina Knocked Up with Twins?
Brangelina is well on their way to creating their own country of adorable, well-dressed kids.? [Star]

Ledger Family?s Last Messages to Heath
The Aussie fam left their son/brother heartbreaking messages in their local Aussie paper. Read them and weep.? [Us]

Heidi & Spencer: Paid for Paparazzi Shots?
The most hated couple from The Hills has a not-so-secret deal with a photo agency that pays them cash for all those posed shots.? [Jossip]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Jay-Z’s a Birthday Boy

jayz-1206.jpgVivica A. Fox: DUI Drama
Come on Vivica, we thought you were smarter than that! Happy booking. [Yahoo]

Jay-Z?s Birthday Bash with Beyonce
Awww. The pair celebrated Jay’s special day with a romantic dinner in Paris followed by a trip to a fancy strip club. [People]

Celebs Speak About Skinny Standards

Hotties like Petra Nemcova, Rosario Dawson and Anne Hathway got Jennifer Love Hewitt’s back. Girl power! [People]

More Babies for Brangelina
Orphans around the world are clamoring to be the it baby of the year. Good luck little ones! [Us]

Ryan Phillippe Back with Abbie
Reese’s ex has gone public with the woman who broke up their marriage – and she’s even getting cozy with their kids.
[DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Eva’s a Spoiled Housewife

eva-longoria-1204.jpgEva Longoria’s Free Shopping Spree
The actress got free sh*t for being famous so she bought her pals expensive shoes while shopping in NYC. Everyone wins! [NYDN]

Madonna & Guy: Red Carpet Bickering
This conversation reads just like that annoying fight you and your ex got in right before you broke up. We love foreshadowing! [NYDN]

Lauren Conrad Gets in Bikini Shape
The Hills star finally put all that free time to good use – her ass. [People]

Brad Pitt Reviving New Orleans
Mr. Angelina does good in Nola, donating his own cash and helping to build houses for people put out by Katrina. [NYDN]

Britney: Most Searched Person of 2007
Because we all can’t get enough of her constant meltdowns and hair messes, Brit is the number one Yahoo! search of the year. The number two search: ‘Isn’t everyone sick of Britney Spears yet?’ [Reuters]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Mary-Kate Olsen Leaves Hospital to Canoodle

mk-olsen-1130.jpgMary-Kate Gets Back to Clubbing
Quick recovery? You got it dude! Hospitalized for a kidney infection last week, Mary-Kate Olsen is back out on the town – dancing until 3Am and getting cuddly with a generic Hollywood hunk. [NYP]

Emails ‘Confirm’ Britney?s Baby
In Touch claims the emails they have on a Blackberry from JR Rotem confirm their claims that Brit’s knocked up; however isn’t that like the easiest thing to fake? [In Touch]

Paris? Boy Toy Meets the Parents
Paris took her Swedish model out to dinner with her parents. Is it getting serious or did she just need them to pay? [DListed]

Brad Pitt Bans Nude Scenes
Daddy Braddy doesn’t want to be mortified when his kids watch his films, so he’s canning all nude scenes moving forward. Will Angie follow suit? We doubt it! [Us]

Madonna: England’s Animal Abuser?
Always the ‘innovator,’ Madge died her sheep different colors for a Vogue photoshoot, pissing off animal activists galore. Not quite as controversial as that sex book, but she’s still got it! [NYP]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: No Nicotine for Nicole Richie

nicole-richie-1030.jpgKid Rock Cleared in VMA Fight
Phew – now all the singer has to worry about is the charges from that pesky Waffle House beatdown. [People]

Nicole Richie Negs Smoking Rumor
It was alleged that the starlet was spotted smoking in NYC, but her rep reports that Nic is is nowhere near the east coast. Better take it back before Joel kicks some ass! [Us]

Britney Causes Late-Night Craziness
The singer and her gal pal Alli get pulled over last night and all hell breaks loose – including some drunk dancing on the side of the road. Amazingly, Brit was not the booty shaker – this time. [TMZ]

Did Barack Obama Diss Brad Pitt?

The presidential candidate may have rejected Pitt after the actor offered his endorsement services to Obama’s campaign. Finally – someone who’s not been bitten by the Brangelina bug. [NYDN]

Lindsay Looks Hot for AA Meeting
She looks like she’s going clubbing, but instead she’s sexing up an LA medical Center at her AA meeting. The 12 steps never looked so good (and tan). [x17]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Nicole Kidman’s Pricey Flop

nicolekidman1024.jpgHeidi Klum and Seal: Singing Together?
Just what we never wanted to see – Heidi Klum singing with her hubby. Next up: Seal aufs a bunch of designers. [Us]

Nicole Kidman?s Career in the Toilet?
With a bunch of bad films under her belt and her new fantasy flick (that cost $175 million to make) already getting trashed in the press, it might be time for Nicole to stop botoxing her face and stick a little juice in her career. [NYP]

Brit Leaves Back Up Dancers Unpaid
Big surprise – Britney still owes her VMA dancers some cash for their work. Starbucks is expensive ya’ll! [Us]

Baby Shiloh Travels in Style
Shiloh’s spoiled and has already seen more of the world in 17 months than we’ll see in our lifetimes. But at least our parents let us eat sugar cereals! [Ok]

The Many Faces of Lindsay?s New Man
Isn’t it cute how Riley Giles looks totally hot in every one of his four mugshots?! Zexy! [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Monday: Ellen’s History of Homeless Dogs

ellen1022.jpgJ. Lo?s Hubby: Singing About Baby?
Marc Anthony belted out Journey’s love song “Faithfully” at a recent show and dedicated it to his wife. Either he wants us to know she’s knocked up, or he just loves really bad 80′s jams. [Us]

Britney Gets Her Babies Back
The singer had her visitation rights with her kids reinstated, which means they’ll probably be taken away in a couple of hours. [TMZ]

Is Ellen a Chronic Dog Ditcher?
A producer has come forward to reveal that the talk show host adopted, and then re-gifted, her pup a few years back. The plot of Puppy-gate thickens! [NYP]

Kim Kardashian Claims to be Tame
The big-bootied nobody says she’s not a party girl – she just poses as one in Playboy. [Us]

Brangelina Mix Business with Pleasure
The perfect pair are producing a new HBO show together about aid workers saving the world. We wanted sex tapes! [People]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Paris Gets Smart About Drunk Driving

paris1019.jpgPartying Paris Hires a Driver
The heiress arranged for transportation so she didn’t have to get behind the wheel after a night of table dancing and shots. It only took her 40 days in jail to wise up! [Us Weekly]

Heidi Montag?s Sexy Music Video
As if Heidi and Spencer couldn’t get more loathsome…The two recently shot her music video on the beach, with Heidi prancing around in a bikini. The concept appears to be T&A – her only two redeeming qualities, natch. [Just Jared]

Is Seinfeld’s Wife a Liar?
Jessica Seinfeld’s new kids cookbook is eerily similar to another recipe guide that came out earlier this year. Which leads us to ask, “What’s the deal with plagiarizing about pureed food?” [NYDN]

Britney Settles Hit & Run
One problem out of the way, 68950302840303 more to go! [TMZ]

Doggone Tired Ellen Cancels Show
After a grueling week of dog drama, Ellen takes the day off. Will her fans call in death threats to her now, too? [TMZ]