by (@katespencer)

Spencer & Heidi Scare Adults AND Little Kids!

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Your favorite freak show, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, showed up at the ‘A Time for Heroes’ Celebrity Carnival, and they spent their time cuddling with that creepy purple dinosaur Barney and sitting on tiny children in a ferris wheel booth. That poor little girl is afraid of being smothered by plastic. Though it looks as if Spencer and Heidi are all sugar and candy and everything sweet and nice, we’re pretty sure it’s just a front. Perez Hilton reported today that the pair were spotted buying guns “for Heidi’s protection.” Spencer Pratt can barely control his mouth – just think of the harm he could do with a real weapon!

We’ve got more pics of the terrible twosome, as well as The Hills gals, Khloe Kardashian, Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie. Click!

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Montag’s Fake Duet with Britney

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We just listened to the worst song ever created by humans, and want to share it with your precious ears. Listen to it here, but be warned, it is atrocious. But that’s also what makes it so effing enjoyable. The offenders? Heidi Montag and Britney mother-effing Spears! The song – which debuted this morning on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show – is a duet between the two blonds, who sing some sort of garbage about a dude who deserves dumping. But Perez Hilton is reporting that while both ladies technically sing on the track, Britney never authorized the song’s release and knew nothing about it! His source says, “Heidi and Spencer got their hands on an old demo recording of Britney’s that never made it onto any of her albums…They decided to turn it into a duet instead of having Heidi re-record the song with just her vocals because they knew they’d get more press this way.”

There goes poor Brit, gettin’ used again. But we think this song is kind of a good thing for our troubled starlet, because compared to the tone-deaf Montag, she sounds AMAZING.

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Cried Over Crappy Video

heidicries.jpgPoor little Heidi from The Hills lost it when she discovered people on the internet were saying mean things about her budget music video for her song “Higher!” Has she just now discovered what the world wide web is all about? The wannabee singer claimed that she “started sobbing uncontrollably,” after discovering the disses, and cried herself to sleep. There is a very simple solution to all of this – don’t put garbage on the web. Stop posing for staged pictures on the beach in nothing but a string bikini. Don’t get “engaged” to your devil boyfriend on a reality TV show. Don’t make a PG-rated sex tape and stick it up on the internet. Easy!
Heidi claims the video was just a spur of the moment thing. “We did it in one take, maybe two, and it took us 20 minutes to film and cost us zero dollars,” she said. That right there is a sign to never show it to anyone, ever. Hopefully the plastic princess has learned her lesson and will find a way to make it big without big mistakes. After all, she’s “just a 21-year-old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams.”? [Us]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Family Bids Heath Farewell

heathledger.jpgJessica Balks at Break Up Rumors
Simpson is suing the mag that claimed Tony Romo is desperate to dump her, which only makes her seem that much more annoying. [TMZ]

Brit?s Bud Sam Lufti Grilled in Deposition
K-Fed’s lawyers went after Brit’s sidekick Sam, attempting to discover what Britney drinks, thinks and does all day long. Try: vodka, little and nothing.? [TMZ]

Angelina Knocked Up with Twins?
Brangelina is well on their way to creating their own country of adorable, well-dressed kids.? [Star]

Ledger Family?s Last Messages to Heath
The Aussie fam left their son/brother heartbreaking messages in their local Aussie paper. Read them and weep.? [Us]

Heidi & Spencer: Paid for Paparazzi Shots?
The most hated couple from The Hills has a not-so-secret deal with a photo agency that pays them cash for all those posed shots.? [Jossip]

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Montag’s Cheap-Ass Video Shoot

Heidi?s New Music Video

Heidi Montag and her boy loser Spencer Pratt are never boring, especially when what they’re doing is so downright pathetic! And honestly, what is sadder than having your boyfriend/manager/self-esteem ruiner shoot your music video (for her single “Higher”) with a hand-held camera (while playing your single on a boombox) as you prance around the ocean in a bikini, flailing your awkward arms? NOTHING! Check out video of the two “working” on the shoot and just try not to cringe. I hope Lauren and Audrina watched this and had a good laugh – and then shot it a couple times for The Hills.? [Mollygood]

by (@katespencer)

Tuesday: Halle Berry’s Bad Joke

halle1023.jpgCheck out Brit?s New Big Lips
What’s shocking about these pics is not the size of Britney’s newly enhanced lips, but rather how rough her face is looking these days. Ease up on those fake tans, girl. [Us]

Halle Berry Sorry for Rude Remark
A remorseful Halle Berry apologizes for a ‘Jewish joke’ gone wrong on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. [NYP]

J Lo?s Stingy Reputation
Lopez is refusing to pay the bills she racked up providing cars for peeps like her sister while shooting her last flick. Maybe she’s confused – it’s love that don’t cost a thing, not limos. [NYP]

Reese and Jake Kiss – OMG!!!
It’s only taken these two like, a hundred years to finally show some real PDA – and it’s not even scandalous! We won’t see the sex tape until 2065.? [Us]

Tom Cruise Shows Fans Crazy Love
Little Tommy worked the red carpet and schmoozed with fans for two and a half hours at his new film’s premiere. Even the crazy celebs gotta work hard for their money. [Socialite's Life]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Paris Gets Smart About Drunk Driving

paris1019.jpgPartying Paris Hires a Driver
The heiress arranged for transportation so she didn’t have to get behind the wheel after a night of table dancing and shots. It only took her 40 days in jail to wise up! [Us Weekly]

Heidi Montag?s Sexy Music Video
As if Heidi and Spencer couldn’t get more loathsome…The two recently shot her music video on the beach, with Heidi prancing around in a bikini. The concept appears to be T&A – her only two redeeming qualities, natch. [Just Jared]

Is Seinfeld’s Wife a Liar?
Jessica Seinfeld’s new kids cookbook is eerily similar to another recipe guide that came out earlier this year. Which leads us to ask, “What’s the deal with plagiarizing about pureed food?” [NYDN]

Britney Settles Hit & Run
One problem out of the way, 68950302840303 more to go! [TMZ]

Doggone Tired Ellen Cancels Show
After a grueling week of dog drama, Ellen takes the day off. Will her fans call in death threats to her now, too? [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Ellen Barks While Her Fans Bite

ellen1017.jpgEllen?s Pup Problems Escalate
She may have wept openly on her show yesterday, but Ellen’s flack has apparently been playing a little dirty with the dog agency in question, whose president is now receiving death threats. [NYP]

Hills Stars Spencer & Heidi Get Hacked
Hackers allegedly broke into the couple’s respective blogs and posted confessions, claiming that they leaked the sex tape rumors about co-star LC. We smell two idiots orchestrating a super-smart publicity stunt! [People]

Pics: Pam Anderson?s White Wedding
Hurray! It’s the first pic from Pam’s Vegas wedding and – big surprise – she looks like she does all the time. Tiny skirt, big hair and massive boobs say matrimony to us! [Ok!]

Brit Bashes her Custody Judge
The worst mom in LA was overheard ragging on the judge in her court case. That’s the way to get those babies back, girl!? [Us]

Lindsay Drops By Favorite LA Haunts
She’s backkkkkk. Linds did a little shopping yesterday on Robertson Blvd. surrounded by a posse of paparazzi. And here we thought she had kicked her addiction to attention. [DListed]