The 15 Best Schmidt Quotes from New Girl

Schmidt happens.

By Colleen Thornhill

When New Girl premiered in 2011, it was supposed to be the Zooey Deschanel show. But four years later, most of us don’t tune in for Zooey’s character Jess. Instead, we tune in for Jess’ loveable roommate Schmidt, played by Max Greenfield. The Long Island native with a love of cardigans and leave-in conditioner delivers absurd one-liners in a deadly serious manner, making each of his lines doubly hilarious. A former fat kid turned proud metrosexual, Schmidt is the character who provides New Girl with both its humor and its heart. Greenfield’s birthday is today, which seems like a perfectly good excuse to take a look at the beloved character he has embodied for us and some of his most unforgettable quotes.

  • 1 This upbringing certainly explains a few things, like Schmidt’s impeccable J. Crew catalogue wardrobe and perfectly coiffed hair.

  • 2 It takes a special kind of person to be Schmidt’s best friend. Like someone with no job commitments or real life responsibilities, a.k.a. Nick Miller.

  • 3 The best part about Schmidt is you never know what’s going to come out of his mouth next. And apparently he doesn’t either.

  • 4 It takes a confident man to compare himself to a snowflake, even if it is one with a sex drive.

  • 5 Nothing disgusts Schmidt more than a pack of humans who may be under the age of 25.

  • 6 You’re thinking about him right now.

  • 7 Schmidt is a classy, cultured man. While his friends get by on PBRs and stale pizza, he savors elevated foods like “chut-a-ney” with his advanced palate.

  • 8 Only Schmidt could turn Calcutta into a verb. Definitely a line you should try to squeeze in at any Indian event you can—wedding, birthday, funeral…

  • 9 Schmidt is Jewish, but he’s also the most WASP-y man you’ll ever meet.

  • 10 Despite a few superficial obsessions (Where has his kimono gone, by the way?), Schmidt genuinely cares about his friends and sees the best in them even when they can’t.

  • 11 He’s great with fashion and skin care, but Schmidt’s knowledge of NFL quarterbacks doesn’t come as easy.

  • 12 Some people enjoy shoe shopping, others car shopping, whereas Schmidt takes after your favorite neighborhood friend, Mr. Rogers.

  • 13 This is so much better than saying, “Seriously?!” when someone surprises you.

  • 14 Schmidt’s best at delivering a pep talk when it’s to himself.

  • 15 Like a L’Oreal shampoo, Schmidt knows he’s worth it and so do we. Here’s to you, Schmidty.