How to Live a Cheesy Rom-Com Life Everyone Will Hate (But Secretly Be Jealous Of)

Haters gonna hate.

By Colleen Thornhill

In romantic comedies, there’s one formula you can always rely on, and it’s that the leading lady will be a flawed but beautiful woman who hasn’t realized the man of her dreams is a charming stud she overlooked who’s waiting right around the corner. Who wouldn’t want to be that lucky lady? Her life ends up being so perfect in the end that you almost hate her out of sheer jealousy. I’ve taken the liberty of assessing all the characteristics of the rom-com life you’ll need to achieve such perfection and be the envy of everyone around you. Get ready to take the heat, though, because with this much wonderful, no one is going to like you.

  • 1 Land an amazing, unique job.
    Columbia Pictures
    Whether she’s a wedding planner, a movie-trailer editor, or an up-and-coming fashion designer, the rom-com woman has set her goals high and achieved them. You’ll need to figure out your dreams and go for them with gusto. The climb up will be hard, but you’ll love blinding everyone with your light as you bask in the glow of your professional achievements.

  • 2 Don’t do any actual work.
    Paramount Pictures
    It’s important to remember once you have this impressive job, you don’t actually do any work there. Act like you’re busy and occasionally complain about the workload, but mostly your workday will consist of gossiping with your female coworkers over cocktails. Even if you’re a slacker, for some reason your boss will still love you and let you get away with such things, because at the end of the day, you’re just that valuable to the company.

  • 3 Befriend the perfect wing woman.
    Columbia Pictures
    Make sure one of your coworkers is a goofy but totally lovable gal you can count on. She shouldn’t be so amazing that she steals your shine, but she should be a great wing woman. Hers is the advice that will convince you to finally let your guard down and, say, go after that hot fiancé of the woman whose wedding you’re planning.

  • 4 Befriend a guy who’ll totally fall for you.
    Columbia Pictures
    If you can’t get yourself a gal pal, a male friend will do just fine for advice. But if you want to go full rom-com, he’ll need to be absolutely in love with you—and just not know it yet. If you suddenly show up with a hot Scotsman on your arm one day, he’ll finally figure it out. And then all your friends will hate you because you’ll have two steamy dishes duking it out for your love.

  • 5 Always look flawless.
    Walt Disney Studios
    As a rom-com girl, it’s extremely important you look perfect at all times, even when just waking up. This one requires commitment on your part, but you can’t let the stress of it show—that may lead to a breakout, and no leading lady has a bad skin or hair or body day. This means no skipping your weekly blowout at the salon or skimping on the skincare regime. People will mock you for it publicly, but ask you for beauty advice when no one’s looking.

  • 6 Always have something sassy to say.
    Warner Bros. Pictures
    The best part about looking wonderful all the time is you can say whatever you want to men, and they’ll still be interested in you. Whether you’re a too-cool-for-school college freshmen who just joined the campus a capella troupe, or a lawyer with no shortage of sassy comebacks, men won’t be able to resist your snappy attitude. Don’t worry about alienating people along the way—remember, it’s all in the name of love.

  • 7 Travel on whims.
    Columbia Pictures
    When you have so many men fawning over you, sometimes you’ll need to get away. The key here is you must have the ability to travel at a moment’s notice. Thanks to your high-paying job, you can afford the last-minute plane ticket, and your boss won’t mind because they’re just so smitten with your talent that you can get away with anything. People will hate your beautifully-filtered Instagram travel pics, but they’ll rack up endless likes anyway.

  • 8 Ditch the “perfect guy.”
    Buena Vista Pictures
    Before you leave town, you’ll need to bid adieu to your hot boyfriend who is the perfect man in every way—except, maybe not for you. The fact that you can’t see his perfection boggles the minds of everyone around you, but you’re just too good for a well-dressed, well-mannered, well-groomed kind of a guy. Who wants that sort of a bore dragging them down?

  • 9 Dance fabulously.
    Universal Studios
    While you’re traveling is the perfect time to break out those excellent ballroom dancing skills you never knew you had. Usually a hot man will help bring these moves out in you. Everyone will applaud when the dance teacher commends you on how well you did, but behind your back, they’re calling it beginner’s luck. You won’t care, though, because by that time, you and your smitten dance partner will already be chacha-ing into the sunset.

  • 10 Get advice from your supportive family.
    Columbia Pictures
    If you’re torn between your hot new dance partner and the stud you left at home, you’ll definitely have resources to go to for help. No leading rom-com lady’s life is complete without the assistance of a strong family who freely deliver advice, whether or not she wants to hear it.

  • 11 Have an incredibly baller apartment.
    Columbia Pictures
    Once you return home, you’ll break up with your perfect boyfriend (he’ll handle it beautifully, of course), and your new beau will come over to your apartment. To ensure you’re within the rom-com rules, you’ll need to make sure your spot is decked-out to the nines. The good news is you can afford it, thanks to that fabulous job you have. Extra points for bay windows, 10-foot ceilings, and overpriced decorative shelf items.

  • 12 Be unabashedly quirky and charming AF.
    Buena Vista Pictures
    If all else fails, remember your charm is the most important part of leading a rom-com life. Don’t hold back with your funky laugh or endearing bathtub singing. Eventually a millionaire will find your quirks enchanting and sweep you off your feet. You’ll forget all the haters as you fly away happily ever after on his private jet.