10 Things Movies Get Wrong About College

Why is everyone having sex but me?! (News flash: They're not.)

It’s officially fall, which means gaggles of co-eds are gearing up for another semester at university. Ahhh, college—if you watch movies, the word conjures up images of tyrannical sorority girls, casual sex parties, and alcohol. Too. Much. Alcohol. But, in actuality, college is a blurry barrage of Netflix, sleeping until noon, the occasional orgasm, and lots of effing pizza. (Unless you’re president of a fraternity or some crap, then we’re sure 2014’s Neighbors is your life personified.)

But for us mere mortals, college is often—dare we say—tame. Don’t tell that to Hollywood, because college movies will get significantly less fun. Just for your eyes, though, here are 10 things movies get incorrect AF about those big four years.

  • 1 Your random roommates will be crazy and try to kill your fish.
    More often than not, they’re normal humans who will eat Chipotle and watch Scrubs with you. (They may smell occasionally or, like, never clean the toilet, but no one is perfect, right?)

  • 2 People attend ~*WiLd PaRtIeS*~ every night.
    Universal Pictures
    The kids at this shindig clearly don’t have 8 a.m. classes the next day (which, if you’re a freshman, is damn near impossible to avoid). Most nights, you’ll be star-fished on your twin bed wondering if Domino’s is still delivering.

  • 3 Sorority girls are demons in human form.
    Most are too friggin’ excited about Mountain Weekend to make you scrub the house kitchen with a toothbrush. (Also, hazing is banned at many universities—and they take that shit very seriously.)

  • 4 Spring break is always in Florida. Naked.
    This might happen one time—if you’re lucky. More likely, you’ll be stuck in your hometown scooping ice cream while your mom complains that you never call. (Or, even worse, you’ll go on a GD cruise. Actual hell.)

  • 5 Your dorm is a palace.
    A queen-size bed and a dresser, Elle? GTFO. You’ll be in a shoebox for the next four years. Love thy neighbor.

  • 6 The entire campus is having sex (and you’re not).
    You think everyone is feverishly humping while you’re home alone eating Ramen and trolling PornHub. But here’s the tea: More people are doing exactly what you’re doing than having frat house orgies. Seriously, maybe 1 percent of college students do that—and they’re uncomfortably attractive.

  • 7 Model-esque boys are rampant and will sit next to you in every class.
    Universal Pictures
    Nope. They’re probably urchins who will attempt to sniff you during lab.

  • 8 You’ll pull hundreds of all-nighters.
    Again, you might pull one or two—I did just for the heck of it senior year—but, trust me, sleeping is too precious. You’re more likely to just wing the exam and pray for a C than slowly die in the library. And for what? An underwhelming C+? *Hits snooze button.*

  • 9 Cliques still exist.
    This isn’t high school. Nerds, jocks, preps, and goth kids aren’t things anymore. We’re all on the same level now: horny, afraid, and late.

  • 10 You’ll sit at the front of the class.
    MGM
    LOL, bye. If you show up, you’ll be in the back corner creeping Brad’s sister’s best friend’s Facebook. (You’ve never met her but 100 percent need to know her life story.)