Fred and George Weasley Have Sex with Lance Bass + More Fan Fiction Scenes That Will Freak You TF Out

Your childhood will never be the same.

The Internet is a strange place. It’s chock-full of porn, cat videos, and Tumblr accounts dedicated to Nicolas Cage’s eyes. But the weirdest part of the World Wide Web? Fan fiction. Hands down.

Just Google the phrase and you’ll see thousands of (typically sexual) stories about your favorite TV, book, and film characters interacting with people from other worlds. The sky is the limit: Professor Snape can get cozy with the Teletubbies, Harry Styles can turn into a crazy stalker, and President Barack Obama can hook up with a damn pony. And because there are no limits, fan fiction tends to be creepy AF.

Here are eight examples that are bound to give you nightmares. Fair warning: Your faves will be forever tainted if you read further.

  • 1 Bella and Edward from Twilight have sex on The Price Is Right set.
    Summit
    The story: In a parallel universe, Edward is host of The Price Is Right, Bella is a show model, and they have a lot of punny game show sex. Don’t question it. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: “Oh, Bella, you and your Price Is Right related sexual innuendos. What’s next?” He pointed down to between his legs before continuing on, “Going to call him Rod Roddy?” (Read the rest here.)

  • 2 Professor Snape gets intimate with the Teletubbies.
    Warner Bros.
    The story: Unhappy at Hogwarts, Snape goes on vacation to the sunny land of the Teletubbies. He meets them, and things get steamy. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: “Teletubbies, lay here with me, I’ll teach you how to be a man. Oh, but you, Poo, aren’t ready yet. You are too young, baby. Stay here in the corner and play with your small hose.” (Read the rest here.)

  • 3 Barack Obama gets a BJ from My Little Pony’s Princess Celestia.
    Getty
    The story: The POTUS goes for a stroll in the White House garden with a bottle of beer and starts to masturbate. Then, out of nowhere, Celestia appears and things get oral. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: Still in his stupor, Barack let the unicorn pleasure him with its mouth. (Read the rest here.)

  • 4 A giant squid has sex with the empty Hogwarts castle.
    Warner Bros.
    The story: With students out for summer, the Hogwarts castle (which is apparently a living, breathing entity) is lonely and horny. Insert the Black Lake giant squid, who is more than happy to keep Hogwarts company. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: “Just trust me,” the giant squid replied, caressing Hogwarts’ outerwalls [sic]. “I’m not ready!” Hogwarts exclaimed, trying to push the giant squid away with his magic. (Read the rest here.)

  • 5 Harry Styles stalks a YouTube star.
    Getty Images
    The story: A girl becomes famous after her YouTube video goes viral, and Harry is her No. 1 fan. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: “Harry, are you on drugs?” I ask. “No, can I have a lick of your ice cream?” he says, eyeing my ice cream. (Read the rest here.)

  • 6 Superman and Jessica Rabbit have self-aware animated sex.
    The WB
    The story: This is classic sex fan fiction. However, here’s the twist: Superman and Jessica are very much aware they’re cartoons, and it’s referenced throughout the story. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: Clark moved to take Jessica inside, she stopped him. “No. We’re not watercolours. We won’t run,” she said. (Read the rest here.)

  • 7 Fred and George Weasley smush Lance Bass from *NSYNC.
    Warner Bros.
    The story: Fred, George, and Lance are all at a party. Through some switcheroo action, F and G both end up boning Sir Lance. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: George’s eyes widened. “Lance Bass wants me?” (Read the rest here.)

  • 8 Indiana Jones and Lord Voldemort get it on.
    Warner Bros.
    The story: Nineteen-year-old Tom Riddle goes in search for an artifact that will make him immortal. Rugged manly man Indiana helps Tom on his journey in more ways than one. The most cringe-worthy excerpt: “I should stop you.” Tom knew he should. This was a Muggle. Not to mention a man twice his age. But that didn’t bother Tom as much. (Read the rest here.)