These “Sexy” Lyrics Totally Failed At Being Sexy

Killing the mood slowly, but surely.

Talking dirty is hard to do. Say the right thing and you’re golden, but say the wrong thing and you run the risk of planting a not-so-sexy image in your partner’s mind.

The same principle applies to songs. You know you love those nasty Chris Brown lyrics ’cause frankly, they hit the spot. But what about the ones that are supposed to, but don’t, i.e. Nicki Minaj’s “Bed Rock” verse or Trey Songz’s “Touchin’, Lovin'” lyrics?

It’s like when you tried to dress up for your S.O., but couldn’t fit into that lingerie because you were bloated from dinner. It’s the though that counts, right? The following lyrics tried to be sexy, but they just couldn’t take you there because of the un-sexy word choice. Check them out below.

  • “Down South” by Iggy Azalea

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Said he wanna blow fish, I’m hootie / Follow my legs to my booty”

    I get what she was trying to do there, but does anyone actually know what this means?

  • “Touchin, Lovin” feat. Nicki Minaj by Trey Songz

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Girl you fuckin’ with the best / Take a picture while I’m deep up in it” (Trey Songz)

    Have camera handy, ladies!

  • “Sir Psycho Sexy” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Deep inside the garden of Eden / Standing there with my hard on bleedin’ / Theres a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen”

    You only have to hear that line to realize why the name of the song makes so much sense.

  • “Bed Rock” by Young Money

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Maybe it’s time to put this pussy on your side burns” (Nicki Minaj)

    Nicki, girl, why are you dating a man with side burns, tho?

  • “Drunk In Love” feat. Jay Z by Beyonce

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Your breasteses is my breakfast, we going in, we be all night”

    Aw man. I can’t un-hear that one.

  • “The Motto” feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga by Drake

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Almost drowned in her pussy so I swam to her butt” (Lil Wayne)

    Ouch? Maybe?

  • “Trumpets” by Jason Derulo

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Is it weird that I hear trumpets when you’re turning me on? / Is it weird that your bra remind me of a Katy Perry song?”

    I mean. It’s kinda weird, yeah.

  • “S.E.X.” by Nickelback

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “S is for the simple need / E is for the ecstasy / X is just to mark the spot / Because that’s the one you really want”

    Is this why people hate Nickelback so much?

  • “Feedback” by Janet Jackson

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “Cause my swag is serious, something heavy like a first day period”

    Period talk really turns me on, too.

  • “Soft” by Kings of Leon

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    Sexy lyrics fail: “I’d pop myself in your body / I’d come into your party, but I’m soft”

    Guess that’s why it’s called “Soft,” huh?

1/2 Cartoon, 1/2 Beyhive.