ABC/Nicole Wilder

Scandal Rips Our Hearts Out By Saying Goodbye to the Eternal Bae

Jake!

Michael Arceneaux

As soon as I saw Rowan Pope’s face appear at the very end of the last edition of Scandal, I heard Lil’ Kim’s voice in my head rapping, “Hot damn, ho, here we go again.” Back to Daddy Pope’s monologues. Back to his twisted beef with his daughter. Back to him acting like he’s Darth Vader without the mask. Back to all of that happening and then him giving three more monologues before the credits roll. He did not disappoint in those endeavors, but I officially want to ask him to step outside because I want to go oops, upside his head (said oops upside his head) for KILLING BAE.

1. Did that man say, “No matter how white the knight that all men are like your father?”
It wouldn’t be Scandal if we didn’t get Rowan scrutinizing his daughter for dating that married white man named Fitzgerald Grant. But, I will say I am impressed with his ability to always find a way to to sneak that dig in — and never the same way. That is a skill. Whew, was he tickled like shit at Liv no longer feeling Fitz like that (well, for more than seven seconds anyway). Say what you will about Liv’s terrorist mama, but she was never this harsh about her kid’s choice in men. I mean, she didn’t like Fitz either, but she tried to kill him once or twice and left it at that.

2. Should I be surprised that Liv knows how to pretend to be drunk?
In theory, Liv drinks a gallon of bougie red wine every night (with popcorn for dinner), so I imagine she knows a thing or two about being drunk. Then again, my girl has the liver of Superman so who knows? Whatever the case, good for her being quick to play a role after her date was drugged and tied up by her pops.

3. So Marcus Walker is an activist and mayoral candidate as well as a murderer and mistress?
Let that be a lesson to you, readers: No matter how far you go in life, you can still be a THOT.

4. How much do we hate the VP?
I’m sure in her mind, she thought she was doing her due diligence in opting to read all 1200 pages of the Brandon Bill before casting her vote in the Senate. But, if she were TRULY ‘BOUT THAT LIFE, she would’ve kept up with what was happening beforehand. Unless you’re Joe Biden or Dick Cheney, traditionally vice presidents don’t do a great deal. My girl could’ve at least been watching C-SPAN when they were debating it on the floor. Lazy.

5. Wasn’t Liv amazing in that police station?
I loved seeing Liv storm the police station to slap the taste out of the police chief’s mouth without using her hands. Liv looked him square in the eye and told him that he best not say he sees her client Marcus or she’s shutting it down. That was an amazing display of unnatural fast talking, Kerry Washington. The only thing that would’ve made that scene better is if she had said to Chief Shut Up, “Bitch, you see me? No, bitch, you don’t.” Next time.

6. When is Liv going to get herself some therapy?
I asked in the last recap. I’ll keep asking until her hand stops shaking at random. Liv, your attire suggests you’re in the one percent. Use that blessing to book yourself some time with a trained medical professional.

7. Liv literally fixes everything, huh?
Liv’s Mystery Machine crew figuring out the mayor had his wife murdered by his driver and his friends for cheating on him was one thing, but then she used that knowledge to push the mayor out of the race in favor of Marcus. I want this woman to do something like that for me with my student loan lenders.

8. So Marcus is an honest person?
He confessed his sins before all of local D.C. media, effectively ruining his political career in order to clear his conscience. Cute for him.

9. Isn’t Rowan crazy as hell?
Even as he realizes he’s going to have to kill all of his daughter’s friends — and maybe even his daughter — Rowan seemed more interested in his daughter finally “picking a side” since it made her a “worthy opponent” finally? I don’t know how Liv has managed not to poison his wine. ‘’

10. Did Jake have to die?
First off, I need someone to hold me because I’m sad that I’ll no longer be seeing Jake Ballard the Bae on Scandal anymore. However, his time has been up. Liv was never going back to that island. She clearly still prefers Fitz wrecking her nerves than Jake blowing her back out. Jake could not let his rift with Rowan go, thus he didn’t have many options on this show left.

Regardless of those realities, Rowan must die a slow, painful death on this show because Jake is eternal bae. I’ll miss you, sir.

ABC/Nicole Wilder