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I'm Thirsty for Britney by Mikki Halpin "I love the jingle so much I just can't get it out of my mind!" --From Britney's diary on pepsi.com It's been three weeks since the Academy Awards show and I'm still entranced with the Britney Spears Pepsi commercial. It engenders such existential questions! Is it an ad for Britney or an ad for Pepsi? Is it a video or a commercial? Are her abs even more cut than they were at the Super Bowl? Is this what Britney's tour will be like? Is that Justin Timberlake at the very end with his back to the camera? There's a lot to think about. I made a convenient topic guide for you, if you care to create a discussion group on this important subject. Britney has worker solidarity! The clip opens with Britney in coveralls and a cap, shot from the back. You know what comes next - she whips around and tears off the coveralls, which neatly references her scandalous tear-away suit at last year's MTV Video Music Awards. Then she was nearly nude in a spangly see-through jumpsuit, but in the Pepsi version she is wearing jeans, a corset top, and - weirdly - suspenders. Nanu Nanu Britney! Later we see Britney dancing through a Pepsi plant with workers who have been transformed. It's not a real Pepsi plant, they built it for the commercial, but I'm sure it looks just like one. Through these clever images, we learn that even the lowest-paid hourly workers in the Pepsi corporation are happy that Britney was paid millions of dollars to be in the ad. Otherwise, they wouldn't be dancing with her. Pepsi has the greatest product placement ever! After the coveralls go, Britney has a sequined Pepsi symbol on her jeans, and of course she holds a Pepsi in lots of the shots. But the killer branding move is the Pepsi bottle-cap bellybutton jewelry she wears. That midriff is probably the most prime advertising real estate in the world, and Pepsi owns it. It's like planting an American flag on the moon, that bellybutton ring. How far can we take this symbolism? A bottle top in her bellybutton? Can we crack Britney open on a hot day like a refreshing bottle of ... let's not go there. We are not forgotten! There are two versions of the Britney commercial. One is all Britney. The other is called the "vignette" version and reprises the original one, intercut with scenes of ordinary folks like you and me watching the commercial. In grad school, this is called "intertextuality." There's a guy in a fast-food place who becomes so enthralled with the commercial that his fries go up in flames. There are women at a bowling alley who stolidly mimic Britney's dance moves. What is the message here? That these workers could be uplifted, like the Pepsi ones, if their corporate overlords signed Miss Spears on as spokeswoman? Is this how Britney sees us? As unspangly dweebs? Will the fry guy tear off his hair net and become a sexy empowered spokesmodel? I doubt it. But at least we are represented. Bob Dole is a dirty old man! The end of the vignette version contains the single greatest sick moment in television history. It comes courtesy of Bob Dole, who has also brought us several other great moments of television. ("Tell George Bush to stop lying about my record!") The not-too-subtle theme for Bob's cameo is SCHWING! The former senator and presidential candidate is of course already linked with masculine equipment and functions courtesy his Viagra endorsement. (He did a solo Pepsi commercial associating the soft drink with sexual rejuvenation. That clip features Bob talking about how Pepsi renewed his vitality and ends with him ogling and then frolicking with young women on a beach.) But Bob Dole takes it to the phallic limit in his brief appearance on Britney's ad. Bob is seated, knees wide open, with his hand dangling near his crotch. In his hand is a pen. Most people know that the pen is a longtime Bob Dole prop. Most people also know that a pen = penis. He holds a pen in his right hand, which was injured in military service. The other hand holds a Pepsi, if course. We understand that the pen makes Bob Dole feel empowered. Something that didn't work (his arm) now works (as a pen holder). See also: Viagra. He is smiling and nodding. I guess Britney gives Bob a rise, too! At the end, Bob Dole's dog barks, clearly excited by Britney's video, just like his master. "Easy boy," Bob says. Easy, indeed. Pepsi archrival Coke recently signed Britney's archrival, Christina Aguilera, to an archrival endorsement deal. (And you thought only superheroes had archrivals.) We can call this one at the starting gate, I think. In terms of midriff baring, working-class cred, and audience identification, Christina might give Britney a run for her money, but who could possibly be dirtier than Bob Dole? Unless we see Christina in Bill Clinton's lap sucking on a bottle, I think Britney and Pepsi will rule the soda world for a long time to come. Guess that's why they call it pop. |
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