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Coldplay Save Rock 'n Roll by Bob Lefsetz Forgive me for working on Passover. Used to be the Jews controlled comedy. No more. Where's the funny Sandy Koufax? Refusing to work on one of the holiest nights of the year? But Saturday Night Live has been overrun with goyim. At least that's what my uncle would say. But that Tina Fey. I want to be with her. Hang with her. Have her be funny. Like one of the guys, but DIFFERENT! I want to touch that scar on her cheek. I want to laugh. I want to KNOW her. It's how the teens outside the TRL studio feel about the boys inside the studio. But unlike 'N Sync. And Christina. Tina Fey can THINK! And thinking is the biggest turn-on. I didn't have the first half-hour of the show. My VCR was taping something more important. And by time I came in, Alec Baldwin was performing. I've got nothing against Alec, but used to be when someone hosted this much they were Steve Martin. People funny in their own right. I fast-forwarded. To the news. That's all you've got to see, the news. And this evening, Tina and Jimmy weren't that funny. The jokes were falling flat. I almost couldn't take it anymore. Tracy Morgan's routine about Darryl Strawberry. Execrable. But then Tina whipped out a picture. Of Hugh Hefner on his 75th birthday. With his seven babes. And she started to riff on each one. If this were the old days, before cable, when there were only three networks. THIS would be the talk of the school on Monday. Hell, if this were the old days, I don't think Tina's rap would even be on. About the 19-year-old who was working at Dairy Queen before she was rescued for evenings with Bill Maher and the other Mansion regulars. Oh, but it was even BEFORE that. Yup. It's coming back now. The original spin of the joke. Was discrimination. How there were no brunettes. Asians. Just these seven golden-haired girls WITHOUT A BLOND PUBIC HAIR BETWEEN THEM! That's what she said. Really. And it went on and on. Her raking each and every one of these babes over the coals. It was the most riveting TV I've seen in at least a week. If Tina Fey were a musician, we'd rate this appearance equal with Elton John at the Troubadour. A star-making performance. She stood up and DELIVERED! And hell, even at the end, when Kid Rock was singing "Bawitdaba." She banged her head just like Beavis and Butt-head. And don't get me wrong. This ain't some sexual fascination on my part. She is a woman, but she was just totally THAT GREAT! And since Tina delivered, I decided to hang in there and see who the musical guest was. Coldplay were the new David Gray. Everybody started emailing me. I got the CD. Didn't reach me. Left me cold. And then the negative reviews flowed in. How the act was wimpy. But tonight on SNL. They saved rock and roll. This was just four musicians. Playing their instruments and singing. No tapes. No singing to tape. We're so inured to the phoniness, it's so DE RIGUEUR, that when we're confronted with the real deal, honest music, it's STRIKING! With the phonies, there's no room in the aural spectrum. Nothing breathes. It's an assault. But you could hear the drummer slap out the beat. The lead singer's acoustic. Warm but with a backbone. The bass? Well, bass doesn't translate that well on TV. But the lead guitarist. He was playing a Fender JAGUAR!! Yup. I know. I used to be fascinated with the equipment. Like every other red-blooded male. Back before it was all about image. And this guy is picking out the notes. It sounds like a TELEVISION record. Just so right. I don't want to see ANY band. Lisa told me she was going to see Sarah McLachlan at the Rock for Choice benefit. Who would want to go to that? It was at that hellhole known as the Palladium. And Sarah? I'm a fan ... but jeez, she really milked it. And she's not that good. Oh, a great voice. Save the hate email. I'm not really saying anything negative. I like Sarah. But on her very best day, she can't even hold Joni Mitchell's purse. Her lyrics? Pretty basic. Albums? Infrequent. The college girls. They love her. If only they'd been exposed to Joni and the great acts of the '70s. But it's not about Sarah. It's about OUT! I KNOW what a great concert experience is. It's when you feel this something in your chest. It's not a thump. It's a nascent fire. One that is beyond flickering, but that could go out. You just hope it stays lit. And it does, for the performance. I don't get this fire with almost all of today's acts. That's why I don't go. That's why I tell you they suck. Because they DO! It's all show. All money. But there was no show involved in this Coldplay performance. It was music ONLY! The way it used to be. "Yellow" was much tougher-edged than on the album. I imagined being at a gig. I remembered being at that David Gray gig. It was a different feeling. I wasn't thinking about what I was going to do when it was over. The following week. I was in the MOMENT! It's always the English acts. Because they're not caught up in the American Dream. It's about MUSIC! Not the trappings. Not the publicity. And I just wanted to tell you. Because nobody watches the same stuff anymore. You missed it. Really. |
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