Hit The Floor Premiere Recap: Beautiful Bodies And Big Secrets Flying Through The Air

“Professional basketball was no place for children–it was barely a place for grown women,” Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise) tells her daughter Ahsha (Taylour Paige) on Episode One of Hit The Floor. Yes, the time has finally come to talk about our much awaited new scripted series! Don’t worry about how many burgers you consumed this holiday weekend. Watching these hot bodies fly through the air is a workout in itself.

Entering the Hayes household, we see a supportive duo, who look more like sisters than mother and daughter (bow down to Queen Kimberly Elise, y’all). Despite knowing about her mother’s reluctance to talk about her past as a professional dancer with the Los Angeles Devil Girls, Ahsha comes by the field honestly, and has always dreamed of twirling in her momma’s footsteps. Besides, bank interviews usually last all day, right? She may not have acquired her dream job out of college (yet) but she’s got a super-adorable boyfriend in German (Jonathan McDaniel), who’s willing to ghost ride the whip, cheer his girl on as she follows her passion, and provide the necessary getaway car when she’s doing something against her mom’s wishes. Whether or not she makes the squad, she’s still winning.

Because living at home after college is no picnic, Ahsha is determined to hit that Devil Girl audition, interview Sloane got her be damned. Dancing professionally, in front of sweaty, talented, hot athletes is a lot more fun than counting other people’s money, so we totally understand. But every kingdom that looks glamorous and beautiful and effortlessly flawless likely has some nasty dictator behind it, denying his or her people basic necessities in order to maintain the outward air of perfection. Meet Jelena Howard (Logan Browning), Captain of the Devil Girls, who breaks the rules about fraternizing with players, gives interviews to Access Hollywood (Shaun Robinson cameo… drink!), fields mysterious phone calls from mysterious girls named Mia, and is regarded as the best in the business due to her ability to give “face” on the floor. Clearly not a fan of nepotism or newcomers threatening to steal her power, Ahsha’s transparent honesty and little girl lost routine is charming this boss lady. She also thinks Ahsha can’t dance. “You think you can come in here with your busted choreography and take one of our spots?” she snarls. Girls on top seeking to intimidate anyone they can in order to stay there only do so because of their own insecurities, and we’re chalking up Jelena’s bark–at Ahsha, at Director Olivia Vincent (Charlotte Ross), and at anyone barista who spells her name incorrectly–as a sign there’s some deeper issues going on inside that perfectly made up face of hers. Still, words hurt, and being fresh from a system that constantly evaluates (and let’s face it, coddles) The New Girl just can’t hack it during auditions. It doesn’t help that Superman aka Devils’ coach Pete Davenport  (Dean Cain) did, too!

Luckily, the girl can move. Legacy or not, Ahsha deserves to be on the squad, thanks to those perfect pirouettes and the fact that she’s got legs for days. But silly, Ahsha. There’s no crying in the Devil Girls locker room! Luckily fellow hopeful Kyle (Katherine Bailess) was born to do two things: shake her booty and tell it like it is. “Oh my God it’s like a unicorn humped a Care Bear and gave birth to you,” says the former stripper who’s opposed to the “gushy” stuff but not above spending after-hours with a sleazy team executive in order to make it to the next round of Devil Girl auditions. We love Kyle SO much. Early prediction? Her one-liners will make team PR reps pull their hair out and/or score her an amazing endorsement opportunity.

Back to Coach Davenport, that tall, strong, dreamy Coach Davenport. Is it merely coincidence that Sloane, Olivia, and Coach’s lives are colliding once again, stirring up old memories of their player-dancer days and causing any unfinished business or hurt feelings to come crashing to the forefront of NOW, or is Los Angeles just that small? We saw Sloane’s eyes light up when Ahsha mentioned something about an ex-player coaching the team, and Olivia was not short on ego-boosting compliments when announcing said guest judge to her Devil Girl hopefuls. And… that bomb at the end? Um, yeah. BIG STUFF was dropped. Are you still with us?

So Pete is Sloane’s baby daddy, which makes Ahsha the spawn of both a Devil Girl and a Devil player. (That’s some powerful DNA.) We know Coach Davenport has been tasked with keeping an eye on his players (translation: making sure their aggressive pick-up lines don’t create trouble for the team, or God forbid, bring on a losing record) but will this news impact that way he looks at the dance team, too? Why did Sloane keep Ahsha’s father a secret? Does anyone else know about this? When does the season start, anyway? Expect answers to all this and more as the season unfolds. But for now, a few parting words about some strong supporting players we couldn’t get enough of this week…

Superlatives For The Supporting Characters

Most Likely To Make Us Cry: Raquel (Valery Ortiz)
The single mother has the worst kind of baby daddy: a jerk who’s inescapable. As a top agent for a handful of the Devils, Raquel has the displeasure of working her butt off on the court and at home, while being verbally berated and threatened by a man who drives away in a car that’s worth more than her mortgage.

Wardrobe We’d Love To Steal: Olivia Vincent
As Director of the Devil Girls, that red pantsuit is P-O-W-E-Rful. And the Marilyn-in-Seven Year Itch white gown? Forget the “gymnasium,” Ms. Vincent is dressing for the catwalk. Always.

Most Likely To Make Bad Pick-up Lines Sound Good: Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman)
We tried to resist those cheesy puns, but… nope. It’s impossible. Did you see those abs?

What did you think of the premiere of Hit The Floor? Did you see that final twist coming? Are you sticking with us next week? (Hope so!) Sound off in the comments below.

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