Chrissy Teigen Recaps Model Employee Episode Five: Cold Drinks And Melted Spray Tans

After lavish parties and poolside challenges seemingly without consequences, Model Employee is getting down to business in its search for the “face” of Mandalay Bay. Host Chrissy Teigen is back with more insight into how to best serve drinks for the rich and famous, as well as the pros and cons of surviving on an all-chicken finger diet in triple digit heat.

Read on for Chrissy’s thoughts on the first elimination and dearly departed Aspen. Take it away, C!

This week’s episode opens with painnnnnful-to-watch footage of Aspen completely bombing the Hoodie Awards red carpet. I mean, I know we saw it last week, but it was just as painful to watch the second time! And boy, have I been there. I mean, she calls Judge Mathis, “Tavis”–which is hilarious to me not because of the mix up but of all people in the world to think someone was, Tavis? I go years and years without thinking of that man. Anyhow, as I said: I’ve been there and there is nothing quite as embarrassing. Usually on these red carpets, interviewers will have a producer right there and maybe the addition of an earpiece feeding you names, questions and facts. Almost like your own personal Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada. Anyhow, I don’t know if she had this person or perhaps just misheard Mathis as Tavis? Whatever the reason, it was hilarious. And Shah killed the challenge. Doesn’t this chick get hangovers?

Anyhoo, this episode marks my first time getting to see Jassmine frustrated and snap. She is so cool and calm and together all the time that she must have been Level-10 over Britany by this episode because this girl had nooooo patience for her this week. And poor Brit. She could use a little help in the comeback department: Brit, if you’re reading this, call me. In return, she can help me learn to smile at people as they are total a–holes to my face. I don’t know how she does it.

Kurt the butler, who was probably one of my favorite human beings on set, AND A REAL BUTLER who I grilled constantly (poor guy), delivers the challenge for this week: the girls will be given a series of poolside challenges that put them head to head with other models. And let me tell you, this had to have been the HOTTEST day of the year. Seriously. I go to Vegas alllllll the time and I have never ever been this skin-boiling hot. I couldn’t even concentrate I had spray tan melting away in my cleavage, hair extensions stuck to the back of my neck–and I actually had the luxury of not having to be outside so often!! Since, thankfully, no one passed out, we can definitely say these women are much stronger than I am. Mentally and physically. Hence my cover-up. I basically ate chicken tenders for 30 days–they must have been healthy as shit in their suite because their bodies were bangin’.

Where were we? Ok first up, chair stacking with Jassmine vs. Johanna, featuring some hilariously-awkward bright-white-shoes-with-bikinis speed walking. Jo admits to having zero strategy while Jassmine seems to have her plan down which ends up with her doing a much better, cleaner job. Johanna was a chair-throwing mess.

Next up was a drink-serving challenge which seemed to be easy as pie for Sonja, a part-time server with yearrrrrs of experience. God dammit I could NEVER be a server. The term “the customer is always right” doesn’t even register in my brain. I have zero patience. I cannot multi-task. I would sneak food all day. I’d live-tweet my horrible tables. RESPECT, Sonja. Shah’s competitive ass did well also but we had a clear winner in Sonja.

Then we had Shannone vs. Britany (oh my god no one on this show has the typical spelling of their name) head-to-head in an ice-bucket challenge, probably the only challenge I would have been capable of doing well. Britany. Oh, Britany–WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE YOU, BRITANY?–was caught running by not only the judges and the opposing team, but her own team had to tell her to stop on numerous occasions. Brit chalked this up to her just being a “bouncy walker.” Sigh. Anyhow, Legs McGee Shannone won without running.

The final challenge was between Aspen and Alexis (the two I always felt like should be best friends for some reason, I wonder if they still talk?) and they had to clear out trash from the pool which I would have definitely drowned doing but would have still agreed to in the 105 degree weather. Seriously. I would have suicide-missioned this challenge. Alexis did a great job (and I believe she put a soda can in her butt) but graceful Aspen was an efficient fish (effishent? HAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA ugh) and came out on top.

And then deliberation happened. It can basically be summed up as “YAYYYY ASPEN GREAT JOB ps you’re fired pack your bags”. The judges let Aspen go right off the bat. Even I was like WHAT!? But it makes sense–those MVP reward challenges, while rewards, are still challenges and are actually kind of damning to get. If you’re great, then they’re amazing. If you suck, you will wish you never won the challenge in the first place. I don’t think Aspen will ever be able to watch an episode of Judge Mathis ever again.

The two challenge MVP’s ended up being Sonja and Alexis–Alexis by default, but whatever, I’d take that s–t. They were to become ushers (no, GATEKEEEEEEEPERS excuse me) for the Cirque show KA, which I’ve never been to dammit. One time I saw O and they shut it down and made an announcement halfway through that I thought was part of the show until 45 minutes later when I was like uhhhhh this sucks. Anyhow, KA looked way more exciting and the girls got to show their actressin’ skills while escorting guests to their seats. Sonja was the all-knowing one while Alexis was the creepiest flirt I’ve ever seen. Like super flirty in the way the murderers are on Snapped but it worked and they both seemed to have had a great time. But we’ll find out how they did next week… and lol at Shah, “You would give yourself a B? How could anyone even mess that up?” Damn I love clear and concise bitchy statement.

Man. I gotta say, I loved Aspen from beginning to end. And her elimination definitely shook some s–t up in the house.



Catch an all-new episode of Model Employee on Wednesday at 11/10 C.

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