Chrissy Teigen Recaps Model Employee: The Delightful Specimen Known As Woman

She may not have been aware of Shah’s butt-grazing, but Chrissy Teigen certainly knows (and is willing to call someone out on) behavior that is unbecoming of a brand ambassador. Once again, the Model Employee is providing a humorous and thoughtful look behind the scenes of life in Las Vegas, as seen on our competition series. To the recap!

Read on for Chrissy’s take on the contestants’ fourth challenge, including Shah’s dramatic meltdown, and the fact that we should never, ever, ever think of separating our M&M’s by color–even if it’s to make a reference to The Wedding Planner.

Well this episode provided me with yet another line I will be adding to my refrigerator in the form of those silly word magnets: “I can spot a crazy bitch from a mile away, and that’s where she can stay,” offered up by dear Britany. And that’s pretty much the overall theme of this episode.

The girls are given their challenge by moi, as I stand in front of 100 catered hamburgers with my name written on top in ketchup. I ask Doug, Mandalay Bay’s head concierge, if that’s the craziest request he has ever gotten. OF COURSE NOT. Actually, I am pretty sure I have personally asked Doug in prior stays for things much crazier, but we won’t get into that…

The girls are split up into two teams to take on the task of being hotel concierges. They must pick their own leader and Johanna immediately lets it be known that noooo way should she be the leader as she is not good with people and will curse them out. While I appreciate this honestly, I gotta agree with Shah on this one: how are you gonna be a spokesmodel if you’re bad with people!? In modeling, you can be as huge of a b–ch as you want; you can’t see “b–ch” in photographs. But spokesmodels, your whole world is kissing hands and dealing with people. Probably not the best statement to throw out there, but who am I to talk?

Concierges fascinate me. As I am in hotels most of my life, the concierge kind of becomes my partner in crime in whichever city I’m in. They’re like your one-day best friend. Did you know there are actually life concierges you can hire on a yearly basis? Seriously. (Rich people) can buy yearlong memberships to have a luxury concierge cater to all your life’s needs. This includes s–t like hunting down this month’s impossible-to-find “it-bag” for your wife on your anniversary, dinner reservations at uber-exclusive restaurants, salon appointments, everything. Basically an assistant on steroids.

Anyhoo, the head concierges, who will automatically be the challenge MVPs if their team wins are Aspen and Alexis which I thought was great–both are mothers who cater to the needs of someone else every day, alllllll day. Shudder. I can’t even imagine.

Alexis and Aspen are stuck at the desk, fielding outside tasks to their teams and taking on some oddball tasks at their stations. The first of which is separating brown and more colorful M&M’s from a couple of dudes. Personally, I would have flipped the bowl of M&M’s onto the floor at such a request, only after Googling that the brown ones indeed have the same effing ingredients as the colorful ones so those two guys can kindly stop wasting my time. But, hey, that’s why I’m not a concierge. They do it and are completely sweet about it, of course. They’re great.

Fun fact: did you know that Van Halen were the first to add such a request to their rider for every show? A giant bowl of M&M’s but absolutely no brown ones? This had nothing to do with the fact the brown ones were bothersome in any way, but more about the fact that their show had an extremely intricate production. If band members found brown M&M’s, they knew the promoter hadn’t fully reviewed the rider or contracts and there could be other problems lurking.

The more you know.

Ok blah blah, the girls are running around doing crazy s–t and do an excellent job, quite honestly. They’re forced to run around and get party supplies for some little boy named Timmy’s 10th birthday party. PS what kind of family takes a 10 year old to Vegas for his birthday?! But whatever (I end up being Timmy, by the way)–let’s move on to the part where the girls are back safe and sound at the house. Well. Everyone is safe but Shah. And Shah, I wish I got to live in the damn house with y’all as well. Sigh.

I gotta say, I really had a great time with Aspen, Johanna, Shah and Jassmine at the freedom party. As I’ve said time and time again, I wanted so badly to just hang out with these chicks but even a simple bathroom break required me going around the entire casino to avoid them at all costs. Jassmine has this ease about her which I love, Johanna is outspoken as f–k (and I hope my babies have hair like her), Aspen has an amazing heart and is as normal as they come, and Shah is one smart cookie. Speaking of Shah, I never realized she was up my bum. And I have a really small bum.

The winning ladies then went back to the suite where Shannone was bathing with Clorox wipes for some reason. The girls then proceeded to get Shah to near-blackout levels of drunkenness while they did shots of water. Then sat back and watched as she, well, acted like she was near-blackout levels of drunk. Oh, women. We are such a delightful specimen, are we not?

Despite the attempts at sabotage, Shah killed it on the red carpet interviews the following day. You know what? Not enough people realize how difficult red carpet interviewing is. Seriously. Three years ago I said, “THAT’S IT, NEVER AGAIN” after a few failed attempts, and I haven’t done one since. Is it rocket science? No. But there is SO much room for error and bruising some self-loving egomaniac’s, well, ego, is never good. It is a horrifying feeling to have to interview someone you know JACK S–T about. Trust me.

That pretty much sums it up. I am VERY much looking forward to next week’s episode–it is the episode I talk most about in interviews because well… ice… and vaginas… and butts. I don’t know what else to say.

See you next week!


Catch an all-new episode of Model Employee on Wednesday at 11/10 C.

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