Hit The Floor Episode Four: Learning To Be Sexy

Happy Belated Father’s Day to T.I., Pete Davenport, Kanye West, and any other men who may not have known their one nights stand resulted in the miracle of life. Being a parent is a wonderful thing, but on tonight’s Hit The Floor, we saw how quickly Daddy’s Little Girl (or anyone’s tall, innocent, gullible ballerina) can quickly turn into a wet sex pot thanks to a little game-time coaching from Kyle Hart and Derek Roman.

Ahsha’s big day at the Devil Girl calendar photo shoot becomes even more important when Jelena suggests she pose for February–also known as the “hottest month” of the year, which “every guy turns to first.” Umm, do any of my fellow August babies care to disagree? Before she knew she’d be posing solo she was already shaking at the prospect of making love/giving massive amounts of hickies to the camera–unlike Kyle, who’s only worry is which outlet she’ll plug her portable tanning machine into.

Don’t cry, pretty girl (especially if it’s going to be an ugly cry). Flashbulbs don’t bite!

Luckily, Ahsha caught on to the possibility that Jelena is trying to sabotage her at every turn, and has found unlikely allies in not only Raquel, but the madame of Southern comfort and Devils star. When Ahsha helped herself to a solo tour of Derek’s pad (yep, the Devils pay well–you should see his place in Malibu!) the baller cornered her for a sexy speech about confidence and doing what you love. “When is your head clear? When are you all instinct?” he asked. He also just so happened to be shirtless and a close talker, but we’re sure German won’t mind.

“Be-in’ sexy, it’s as easy as 1-2-3, you know the rest.”

While Ahsha is learning to find her sexy, Olivia skipped out on some of the day’s DG obligations to tie up loose ends, with both Sloane and Mysterious Mia. Cue a frustrated Jelena eye roll, adding this instance to her mental list of examples of why she should be the first director slash captain in professional dance. It’s hard to believe these women have coexisted for so long; they’re incredibly similar, but lately whenever they speak there is an underlying feeling that they’re moments away from ripping each other’s eyes out and wearing them as dangling earrings at their next press engagement. Add said M.I.A. Devil Girl to the mix and it feels less than likely that both of them will make it through the season. They know too much! But we digress (in a major way).

There’s nothing like driving up to someone’s home unannounced and demand that they forgive you. It worked wonders for Pete, didn’t it? Pleading with her former best friend, Olivia wonders why they’ve lost touch and we in turn find out some juicy details about the good ol’ days–like when Olivia slept with Pete when Sloane was in love with him (but was she pregnant yet?). Damn, girl. That’s at least six or seven points of the Girl Code violated and destroyed in one fell swoop. “We used to be best friends. And then you changed, you became some other person. And if you’re still anything like that girl, God help the girls you’re in charge of today.” Ouch, burn, wow. Sloane knows how to serve up harsh truths AND make a convenient exit. Sure it’s a longtime overdue, but is it wrong (or selfish) of Olivia to want to make amends with her former BFF? If anything, she’s just trying to make end of the year Devil dinners and holiday parties a lot less awkward.

Ahsha…open your eyes and TURN AROUND.

Her second visit of the day, to the once occupied Beverly Hills residence of Mia, proved to be even less fruitful, as there’s nothing left of her existence save for multiple hotel room keys. Considering Devil Girls don’t perform at away games, maybe she really liked collecting travel size bottles of shampoo? Clothes, jewelry, her uniform–all are there as she left them, in addition to the abundance of digital passes into a temporary vacation. So what does it mean? (She is or was an escort.) And where could she be? (Anywhere the client desires.)

As long as we’re in the spirit of revealing previously hidden secrets…

1. Jelena kinda, maybe, sorta definitely had something to do with why Raquel didn’t make the squad this year.
Our favorite Devil’s Playground employee insists she feels better knowing the truth, but this might lead her to push harder for a spot on the squad.

2. The Roman Emperor has a secret
After the photo shoot is over and supplies are packed up, we find Derek alone, in the dark, snorting away the love he has for his family and friends. We already knew that this superstar enjoyed the company of triples, but narcotics, too? Tread carefully, Derek, and make sure that Terrence doesn’t find out because things will go down–and Ahsha might call the authorities thinking it’s her grandma. Silly, Ahsha! Yes, kids. Drugs are bad.

3. German is all in
Maybe this isn’t a secret, but G-man fast-forwarded his relationship with Ahsha by installing some semi-permanent hardwear at his place that signifies his commitment to Ms. February. We know this’ll make her at-home practicing a lot easier, but does she feel the same way? Forever?

Back to that pep talk Derek gave Ahsha. Look how it well it worked!

Derek is very, very pleased with the results (and most likely, himself):

Maybe it’s because he failed to call her “babe” or break into a silly booty pop. German, you’re going to have to do a lot more than install a ballet barre in your apartment if you want to keep your girl around. And look out for some new photos to hit your inbox in the coming week (that Jelena has her ways, doesn’t she?).

For some reason, doing a little mid-afternoon snooping helped Olivia tap into her creative side. Why have a team of sexy dancers pose on a well-manicured lawn, when they can bust a move in the water? Enjoy.

What did you think of the Devil Girls’ sexy water dance? Should the Devil franchise consider launching a water polo team just so their dancers can perform in the pool? (This is California.) Who will Sloane reconcile with first: Ahsha or Olivia? And is the team one step closer to finally finding Mia’s whereabouts? Let us know your thoughts and theories in the comments below.

Catch new episodes of Hit The Floor all summer long on Mondays at 9/8 C. And for a continuous stream of information from Devil World, check out The Locker Room.

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