This week’s episode of Hit The Floor Ahsha learned how to be sexy (in front of a camera) and we learned a little bit more about our friend Derek Roman and the missing, mysterious Mia. James LaRosa, mastermind behind the shows unpredictable dropping of truth bombs and pool dancing enthusiast continues to be deliver hilarious commentary from the front lines.
Read on for the creator’s take on Kyle’s fondness for the camera (or any device that allows her to look at herself), Olivia’s misguided attempt for closure, and the career choice of our absent Devil Girl.
(WARNING: Spoilers! If you haven’t seen this week’s Hit The Floor, backstroke over, then doggie paddle on back. But towel off first, for God’s sake, don’t track that ish in here.)
Until now, my greatest contribution to pop culture may have been a modern day allegorical classic exploring the emotional brutality of man on land and at sea, better known as Spring Break Shark Attack. But now it is the Hit The Floor Pool Dance. A photo of 14 flawless sirens dancing on water will be etched forever on my tombstone. And I will sleep that eternal sleep with a great big gaping smile on my face.
How did this even happen? Short answer: a lot of Plexiglas, a lot of sunblock, and a lot of safety inspections.Dancing on water ain’t for everybody y’all.
So much love and respect to our choreographer Michael Rooney, his right hand Danny Valle and each and every one of our dancers, all of whom worked their asses off to make something absolutely epic. Fun fact: our dancers actually rehearse in the studio where the Devil Girls live on the show (hot set!). And when they were practicing this routine, they laid down tape to show where the edges of the Plexiglas stage would be. They had to rehearse within the lines, and anytime one dancer stepped out, we all knew they were drowning to death. (Fun Fact #2: not all the girls can swim! #theseb–chesgohard)
The result was a full-blown watergasm.
This week wasn’t just about girls in bikinis. It was also about demons. Pete, Olivia, Jelena, Derek and Sloane all needed baseball bats to beat off mistakes from their past. Some were more successful than others.
Learning Sloane was pregnant sent Olivia barreling over to her house to apologize. For what? For sleeping with Pete when Sloane was pregnant with Ahsha. Sloane wasn’t having it, telling her former best friend she only came to clear her conscience. Olivia was a piece of work back in the day, and whatever Herve Leger dress and Christian Louboutin shoes she wants to throw on isn’t gonna dress that up any differently.
Olivia was shaken enough by Sloane’s words to check on Mia who she clearly hasn’t done a damn thing about even though Mia essentially vanished (Olivia’s super busy y’all). At Mia’s apartment, Olivia found mail stacked up for weeks, keys to apparently every high end hotel in the city (!) and Mia’s old uniform (!!). When Olivia asked Jelena if Mia was an escort, Jelena (who seemed piss-bothered to hear Olivia had gone to her apartment) replied that “she wasn’t the maid.” Jelena clearly knows a hell of a lot more than she’s letting on. At a dead end, Olivia simply threw the key cards away. Who thinks this story isn’t over? YOU DO. Cuz you’re a smart cookie.
EMERGENCY NEWS BULLETIN: Those of you spinning out over the belief that you’re gonna have to wait an entire season–or beyond–to learn Mia’s story, I invite you to browse our library of bombs we’ve dropped so far. They go off when you least expect…
Sloane didn’t just have Olivia parachuting into her front yard. After refusing to be dragged back to the past by Pete at the arena, he barged into her living room and told her her life. Or, rather, his life. THEN she told him hers. And then they sat on the couch in that kind of awkward silence that just got sexier and more awkward and sexier and more awkward and sexier and SLOANE GET HIM OUT OF THERE. She did. But it took some effort there. Hmm…
Even with Olivia conjuring up Mia, Jelena had another demon to combat in the form of Raquel. During try-outs, Jelena put her former friend on the chopping block just long enough for her to get cut from the team. Raquel’s not stupid and demanded, if their friendship meant anything to them, for Jelena fess up. Not even apologize, just own it. Jelena doesn’t own anything, so when she finally admitted she’d done Raquel dirty, you could see a glimpse of just how much Raquel means to her. Is it possible Jelena has…a heart?
Is it possible Derek has a drug problem? After smiling telling Ahsha about his mother, we see him roll up a check to her for $250G and snort blow with it. The defining characteristic of Derek Roman isn’t his clowning (ho ho ho), his womanizing (triplets, DURING the calendar shoot!), or even his abs (McKinley, put those away before someone gets hurt). It’s his self-destructive behavior. And there’s often collateral damage… #storyhint
If Derek doesn’t drag Ahsha down directly, Jelena looks poised to do it for him. After seeing her plan to screw with Ahsha backfire, she caught a second wind when she caught an intimate exchange between Ahsha and Derek. The first thing Jelena did was track down the name of Ahsha’s boyfriend. To call him, right? Nope, she didn’t want his number. Clearly Jelena has something more up her sleeve than the direct approach. Translation: GERMAN, RUN.
It wasn’t all drama. We got treated to Kyle’s Sexy School, which Ahsha bombed out of, but not before finding out Kyle is allergic to three different kinds of berries and losing her bikini top (we’re gonna give her an Incomplete for that one). But Kyle delivered on one promise, spawning our…
LINE OF THE WEEK: “I’m gonna make love to that camera so hard it’s going to need a cigarette and a pregnancy test after.” –-Kyle Hart
Kyle used a photographer’s assistant, his camera and Derek’s car to take some pictures of her own that will wind up God knows where (knowing her it’s either a mechanic’s wall or a Saudi prince’s iPhone screensaver). The song playing during Kyle’s photo romp is Hi-Fashion’s “Amazing,” which I thoroughly recommend you download because if it’s not already a drag queen anthem, it’s going to be. WERK KWEEN!
QUESTIONS FROM YOUUUU!
“What was the name of the song during the pool dance? Love the show!!!” —@CassTaylor3
“Mind Blown” by Noelia. You say you love it, I know you love it. I…I know you love it, You…you say you love it.
“All Those Hotel Keys! Who After Mia && What Has She Done!!!” —@White_Chik_Nik
There may be an episode where a character you love is not around. It’s not because we don’t love them. It’s because the actor who portrays them likely has a horrible drug problem and went missing for weeks at a time. I’M TALKING TO YOU DON STARK. Kidding of course. He says for legal reasons… Fear not, Rob (and Terrence!) is back next week. And he won’t be wearing a shirt.
Lest you think my work on this planet (or even this season) is done with THE POOL DANCE (I’m just gonna caps lock it forever), there are dances coming up this season that are just as epic, if not more. AND there’s one particular plot twist coming up that may just trump everything.
Till next time HTF-ers.
Catch next week’s all-new episode of Hit The Floor on Monday at 9/8 C. And stay up on what’s going on in Devil World by visiting The Locker Room.
[Photo Credit: James LaRosa]