Hit The Floor Episode Five: Planting The Seeds Of Doubt

In addition to reinforcing the importance of texting, especially when looking for a friend or colleague who has presumably disappeared, Hit The Floor is teaching us how important general Internet searches can be for those who have been recently reunited with family members they never knew they had. On tonight’s episode, Ahsha and Pete clumsily admitted to Googling each other during one of their awkward father-daughter run-ins at work.

Despite the unfamiliarity of their conversations, this one resulted in the planning of a date, which should only upset a very single Raquel who at this point is convinced that her friendly legal conversations with the Devils coach will lead to a trip down the aisle, or at least dinner and a movie. (So do we, girl. Hold tight.)

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…”

As the Devil Girls continue to flaunt their assets outside of the arena, we see just how many admirers Jelena and her girls truly have. But more public appearances mean more opportunities for Ahsha to bring her puppy dog of a boyfriend along, as German happily accepted an invitation to the team rally at Santa Monica pier and cunningly chose to give the DG captain the cold shoulder.(Good boy.) That’s okay! A little shunning never prevented Jelena from hurling hugely detrimental information back at the person who snubbed her.

“But really: are we OK?”

Hey, German: Did you know who helped Ahsha “nail” her photo shoot? (Excellent choice of words, J.) You know, the one in which she was wearing very little clothing? Still a fan of The Roman Emperor now?

“This is a DATE auction, right?”

While the seeds of doubt have been planted in the otherwise picture perfect couple, Kyle is just out there to do what she does best: get money. When the stuffy, potential stroke victim of a Devils announcer proved to be a bust at the team’s fancy charity auction, Kyle pointed out her charm school pedigree and proven ability to make men grovel. Olivia needed some convincing before she’d hand over the names and numbers of her colorist, eyebrow lady, personal trainer, AND dermatologist (getting appointments in L.A. is tough!) but she eventually put the good of the team and needy children first. During a glorious extended party scene, we were gifted with not one but two celebrity cameos, from Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and reformed Konvict, Akon. We’re guessing the former hit on Kyle as well, and that his pass was in no way suitable to air.

In the midst of old penguins throwing their money around, Jelena once again tried to make Ahsha’s wide-eyed world come crumbling down. I can see how Terrence blowing off their anniversary dinner put her in a bad mood (worse that her regular disposition) but forging Derek’s name and signature to bid on a dance with Ahsha (at $100,000) when German just so happened to be in the room was asking for a chair-flipping, drink-throwing brawl. Clearly Jelena knew that Derek will toss all morals out the window once his competitive spirit has been stoked. But the real lesson learned here? Don’t leave this lady around your credit card.

If German can’t finagle a way for mother and daughter to reconcile, Sloane is just going to have to ambush Ahsha in the bathroom. Few words have been exchanged between these two over the last couple of weeks, and there’s more than a little bit of resentment floating in the air. They were alone, and in their charitable bests. What’s the deal?

In rapid-fire questioning, Sloane revealed the reasons why her relationship with Pete was so destructive and why she fled so quickly, opting to hide the identity of Ahsha’s father for this long. Not only was Sloane violating Devils rule number one by fraternizing with a player, she was involved in some heavy stuff one Derek Roman might know a little  something about. (Drugs.) The most addicting substance she got her hands on, though, was Pete, and Sloane explained to her daughter that she felt she would have died had she stayed with him any longer. It also didn’t help her pride or state of mind that she walked in on him having sex with Olivia–who, remember, once was her best friend. I understand that ’92 was a whirlwind year filled with hotel room parties and mind-altering substances, but does that explain Pete’s decision to go peroxide bottle-blonde? Once again, kids: drugs are bad.

This newfound information affected Ahsha more than her unexpected dance with Derek (it was for charity, y’all!) and in a rattled state she canceled her upcoming getting-to-know-you dinner with her dad. And once again, Pete was blindsided. Perhaps these three should consider family therapy? I hear Dr. Jenn might be available…

Akon may have left the event empty-handed, but I can’t be the only one who’s been bumping his Spotify station all night long, can I? Hopefully Kyle’s performance as de facto MC will garner her a little more respect around Devil Girl practices, in addition to glowing skin and a killer dye job. And maybe her ability to get people to give her stuff could be used in the search for Mysterious Mia? Someone said something about microphones in Devil Girl uniforms and now I’m more confused than ever.

Oh, and as for Jelena? All of Terrence’s sneaking around was only so that he could surprise her with his newest business venture: a restaurant called “Jelena.” Hold that “aww” until the end–I’m sure the food is delicious, but you probably feel terrible after eating it.

What did you think of tonight’s HTF? Were you expecting Sloane’s secret to be that intense? And are German and Ahsha headed for trouble? Would you go on a date with Akon? Let us know in the comments below.

Catch all-new episodes of Hit The Floor all summer long on Mondays at 9/8 C. And for all the happenings in Devil World, head to The Locker Room.

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