The stakes were high and the cash was flowing on this week’s episode Hit The Floor, as both Sloane and Derek were straight up about they’ve done in the past and what they want to do in the future. Can Ahsha handle all that honesty?
Creator James LaRosa takes us through Sloane’s teary reveal about her party girl past, and the cracks that may exist between Ahsha and German now that Derek has outlined exactly what he wants from this working relationship. Plus, Kyle shows us even more ways in which we can get people to fork over some Benjamins. Read on for more!
(I’m not giving you this SPOILER WARNING again. If you’re just gonna read this without watching this week’s episode of Hit The Floor I don’t know WHAT to do with you. But you’re cute so we cool.)
I’ve heard every theory under the sun about what is or was in Mia’s uniform that Oscar’s desperate to get his grubby little paws on. Cocaine, a shrunken head, the Rosetta Stone that decodes all of German’s tattoos. Now we know: it’s a microphone. We also now know it’s still out there. What we don’t know is WHAT THE HELL IS ON IT? Would love to hear your theories…
BUT FIRST: How about that Santa Monica Pier dance? Last week it was all hot, sexy bikini nekkidness. This week, since it was “for the children”, we got treated to the cutest routine ever. Okay there was ass slapping but you know you did that at your fourth grade graduation so don’t front.
Between the uniforms, the rides and the song, that routine is one of my faves this season. The song is called “Bom Bom” by Sam and the Womp, when I heard it I flipped (not literally–I’m 6’3”, lives could be lost) and I can’t tell you any more freakishly enthusiastic that you have to go to iTunes right now and buy it. You need it in your life. I can wait.
Did you buy it yet?
Sam and the Womp.
Okay how ‘bout now?
Good. Play it while you keep reading.
Not everything was a womping good time at the Pier. Jelena set her sights on German (how amazing was he, letting her hand dangle when she reached out to shake his with that phony smile–put her in her place G!). Of course that didn’t stop her from staging an elaborate scheme to humiliate him in front of all of Devils Nation by forcing him to watch Derek and Ahsha’s $100G dance. I guess that would hurt more than just sending him a video of Ahsha smiling at Derek from a pool. Jelena is a lot of things, but direct is not one of them. But don’t worry, she got her comeuppance when Terrence named a restaurant after–wait, HE NAMED A RESTAURANT AFTER HER? HOW IS THAT FAIR?? Ooh she makes me soooo mad. Either that or I think she’s hiiiilarious. Does that make me a monster?
LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU.
You’d think that dance with Derek was the most dramatic thing that happened to Ahsha at the auction, but then Sloane dragged her into the ladies room. The last few days saw Pete making some progress with Ahsha, each Gogling each other to learn who the hell the other was (and making us privy to what Pete Davenport looks like as a blond–can’t unsee!). They even made a dinner date. But then Sloane finally told her daughter what she’s been demanding to know–what the hell happened back in the day that made Ahsha grow up without a father. What she got in the process was a completely different view of St. Sloane than she’d had her entire life. Sloane was wild, partying hard, doing drugs, blacking out, and everything else saints don’t do.
Kimberly Elise and Taylour Paige’s chemistry is amazing, and the tears flowing in that ladies room during filming had everyone reaching for Kleenex behind the scenes. “Getting pregnant saved my life. You saved my life.” Are you kidding me??
Sadly this put the ole kibosh on Ahsha’s father-daughter dinner date. But Pete’s no quitter.
What Pete IS though is someone who can’t be alone, or sit in his emotions too long. Count how many drinks you see in his hand when he’s on screen. He needs distractions, and when he was rejected by both Sloane and Ahsha this week, the guy who doesn’t dance asked Raquel if she wanted to hit the floor (HIT THE FLOOR! SEE WHAT I DID??). Her pleasure was his pain, and combined with that Usher song “Climax” I couldn’t decide if I wanted to swoon or slit my wrists. Which is my favorite place to live.
ARE YOU STILL LISTENING TO SAM AND THE WOMP? Don’t think I’m not watching you.
Thank God Kyle was at the auction to lighten things up. Once our emcee for the evening Mel O’Grane (aka Father Christmas) flung into his World War II flashback (which managed to be racist, sexist AND homophobic–the trifecta!), Olivia had no choice but to let Kyle take over. For her troubles, Kyle got the name of Olivia’s dermatologist (NOT her plastic surgeon), and some serious flirting time with Akon in his TV acting debut. Looked like she’d get a dance with him too, until Akon was outbid by Mel, idling nearby in his wheelchair. Never one to shirk her obligations, Kyle hopped on for a dance. Leading to our…
LINE OF THE WEEK: “He might be dead y’all!” – Kyle Hart, before gingerly hopping off his lap and tip-toeing away, leaving him to rot.
I must’ve laughed a hundred times seeing this. You know who else laughed? Kat Bailess, who could not keep a straight face around Mr. Bernie Koppel (DOC FROM LOVE BOAT B*****S!). Bernie is one of the funniest guys on the planet, and also one of the best sports. He may still be there in that wheelchair too.
*Fun fact: “Mel O’Grane” is the last name of our fearless line producer, Maria Melograne. Who isn’t NEARLY as sexist, racist or homophobic.
Thanks to Akon, Mark Cuban and Omotola Jalade Ekeinde (one of Time’s 100 Most Influential People in the World–booyah!) for gracing us with your awesomeness this week. One of these three will be back, in a most unexpected way… #teehee
QUESTIONS FROM YOUUUU!
I promised I’d begin my replies to this week’s questions with “You sexy AF.” So here goes.
“#HitTheFloor is so great when are auditions for season 2 @JamesLaRosa!!!” —@KhristinDorWill
You sexy AF. I get this question more than any other. Which is awesome. When we get a season 2 pick-up I will scream it from the Twittertops. And then who knows, there could be a few opportunities to appear on the show. #hmm…
“What made you decide to change the name of the series from Bounce to Hit The Floor?!” –@ItsJaeMichele
You sexy AF. And a historian! It’s true, we used to be called Bounce. We also used to be called Devil Girls and Game On. We have a SERIOUS identity crisis. But Hit The Floor had the kind of aggressive vibe we were looking for. IT’S AN ORDER. It’s also what your jaw does every time something off the rocker happens. Which on this show is about once every fifteen minutes.
“WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CASTING OF “HIT THE FLOOR”??? Everyone is beautiful.” —@CassidyJrdn
Clearly someone super shallow. Oh, and you sexy AF.
Got a question for me? Hit me up on Twitter at @JamesLaRosa.
NEXT WEEK: a huuuuuuuuge episode. Power outage = hot sex. Who’s hooking up? Who likes it Fifty Shades of Gray-style? And what does it look like to dance in the dark?
Till next time HTF-ers!
Catch new episodes of Hit The Floor all summer long on Mondays at 9/8 C. And for all things Devil World, head to The Locker Room.