The 5 Most Important Things To Know About Miami Monkey: Episode 2

Big Ang is back – and naked! – in this week’s f-bomb filled episode of Miami Monkey. We’ve got the 5 most must-see moments from tonight’s Monkey madness. Be ready to watch them at least twice — they’re more addictive than Ang’s brown cigarettes.

1. Gabby can’t handle the heat so she gets out of the kitchen. The heat being her life, the kitchen being Miami. Before she leaves she has a meltdown about missing AJ while Ang – AJ’s mother – is in the show. Angry Ang in a towel is a glorious sight to behold.

2. The bar drama is as big as Morgan’s…well, you know. The Morgan vs. Ryan hate continues to explode, and Morgan seems to be very good at two things: knotting her shirts above her waist and smooth-talking Ang into loving her.

Meanwhile, Roxanne rips Cristina a new one when she’s 30 minutes late to work. It’s the only time all that Staten Island screaming is acceptable because seriously…30 MINUTES?!

3. Ang invites all the girls over for dinner (except Ryan, who’s at the bar working with Nate AND working on becoming the future Mrs. Ryan Ryan), sets fire to a bunch of corn and scares Morgan, who’s not used to seeing this much food. (“Everyone in Miami is eating lettuce and quinoa!” she says.)

4. Soon, a nice dinner becomes a fight to see who can scream “I WILL GO HAM ON A BITCH” the loudest. We get it – you will all go HAM on anyone who so much looks in your direction. [Insert “Moon Over My Hammy” joke here.] Marissa gives a scream-speech about not screaming at each other as Cristina pours herself another giant orange drink. You know, just an average night for our Miami Monkey gals.

5. Cristina is a “sloppapatomus” when she boozes according to Morgan, and also according to how much we see her drink in this episode. At the end of the night she ends up stealing Ang’s bottle of Patron by putting it in her Louis Vuitton bag . She then hides it in the bushes outside the house and acts offended when the New York Girls check her bag while looking for it. Prediction: We’re going to see Ang’s version of HAM when she finds out who the thief is and it’s not going to be pretty.

It’s going to be f*cking beautiful.