This week’s Miami Monkey was a glorious mess of WTF and OMG packed into one little hour, complete with missing rings, screaming matches, Big Ang shouting “Drama!” a bunch of times, and the reality TV line of the century: “By the way I have to fly to Puerto Rico, I’m being sued.” Say what, Cristina?
Let’s count down the Most Important Moments!
5. Snap Snap. The girls (and Nate) gather for a photoshoot from hell, in which they sex up and grind all over the bar for a photographer named Chrispy. During this time Marissa yells at Cristina for stealing Ang’s Patron, Ryan talks about herself nonstop, and Morgan shows up late for no good reason, loses a $7000 ring for no good reason, and then quits for no good reason.
Also: If you close your eyes, Morgan sounds exactly like Lindsay Lohan.
Also: Ryan still hates Morgan.
Also: Ryan is still flirting with Nate.
Also: The party goes great. Except for:
1. Marissa’s stumble. The Brooklyn drama queen falls on a slippery part of the floor, yells about it, and then demands an ambulance to the emergency room. The episode ends without any news about her injury, but we have a hunch what the diagnosis will be: