The 5 Most Important Things To Know About Miami Monkey: Episode 5

Tonight’s  Miami Monkey  was ca-ray-zay – just how we like it. Wanna relive the magic? Check out these five must-see moments.

5. Ang throws a pool party, and her guests end up screaming in each others’ faces… or sucking them. Raquel and Ryan have a “sisterly fight,” but the real action is in the pool, where Cristina and Ryan grind all up on each other in a hot make out session as Roxanne, Ang, and her husband Neil watch. 50 Shades of Ang? 

4. Morgan finally makes Ang’s sh*t list. Ang confronts Morgan about feeling disrespected due to her skipping out on her pool party, and Morgan just smiles sweetly and says”Sorry, I was sleeping.” Doesn’t Morgan know not to mess with an Italian queen? Ang calls her out on her con game, and Morgan grovels her way back onto her good side. We have a feeling we’ll be seeing this exact same convo next week.

3. Nate invites Cristina out on a date to tell her they’re just friends. They both order calamari and their chemistry is on fire! Until Cristina actually opens up about liking Nate and he shoves her back into “the friend zone.” Because he thinks she’s “sloppy.” This after he’s done nothing but flirt and paw all over her.


Move along, Nate.

2. Marisa is over Ryan being Ryan. It’s a girls night out for Ryan, Roxanne and Marissa! Champagne for all. But after Ryan goes off on a guy who hits on her in a club, Marissa freaks out over how she handled it. (Marissa’s POV: Walk away. Ryan’s POV: Fisticuffs.) Per usual there is screaming, swearing, and Marissa waving her arms a lot. The whole fight overshadows their very cute going out outfits, which were all on point.

The fight continues the next morning over breakfast after Marissa talks to her jailed husband Frankie, who agrees with her instinct, reminding her that someone could pull a shank on her at any moment. Ryan, on the other hand, is all “I don’t associate with thugs like you do, Marisa, and also I’ll fight who I want, thank you very much.” Once again they scream and Marissa’s arms wave and oops, she tells Ryan she’s “as dumb as a box of rocks.”

This all takes place while Ryan is wearing the world’s most adorable stripped pajama set. Because of course.

1. Nate Ryan stomps on Cristina’s tequila-loving heart.  THIS GUY. Argh. Once again Nate acts like a total douche, bringing an ex-girlfriend to the bar who’s also a model. He then proceeds to grope The Model while Cristina watches, heartbroken.

All in a day’s work at the Monkey, right?