Basketball Wives Season Finale Recap: Crazy As Hell

Happy Halloween!

“Out of all the vacations, this was the best one,” Tami says on the ladies’ last night in London. And it’s true — despite a few early moments where it looked like Suzie and Tasha might bite each others’ faces off, everything went smoothly, especially Evelyn’s fashion show. But things are gonna get real when they head back to the states. Each woman has some kind of drama in their life to deal with and they’re going to have to face reality.

First, there’s Tasha and her stalker.

“This is just about the most asinine thing I’ve ever had to deal with,” she says. She and the rest of the girls meet with this stalker, Monet, when they’re all back in L.A. to confront her because Monet has been following all of them online and they want to hear what she has to say.

Tasha accuses Monet of trying to be her, stealing her friends and stalking them on Twitter, and for each accusation, Monet responds that Tasha is doing the same exact thing.

“Are you stalking her?” Tami asks.

Monet claims she isn’t but says that she’s close to Stephon and his whole family, and that Tasha, who has been with Stephon for 17 years, is not. Shaunie finally asks Monet to agree that after coming all this way to meet with the five of them she does indeed look “crazy as hell.” Monet don’t care! She knows this all sounds crazy but that’s just fine with her. She claps her hands, yells a “Hallelujah!” and walks out. Well, she tries to walk out but she can’t remember which door to exit.

“Goodbye, Monet. Poof! Be gone!” Tasha says.

Next Up: The KB Bomb

Tami reveals to the girls that she has heard from none other than “crazy as hell Kenya Bell,” who has invited them all to her music show. Tami tells the women that Kenya has turned over a new leaf and that she’s willing to forgive and forget all their past transgressions and start over. “I think that is BULL. S—!” Suzie declares. “The bitch is f—ing nuts.”

The best part, Tami reveals, is that Kenya’s new single is called “Hate Me” and she hinted to Tami that it’s about one of the women in their circle. Shaunie thinks she has an idea who it’s about.

Evelyn declares that if Kenya even dares dedicate the song to her, she’s going to bum rush the stage and tell the crowd just how little Kenya offer her to hate. “There’s nothing for me to hate on!”

Finally: Kenya Vs. Suzie

The night of Kenya’s show has arrived and everyone, but especially Suzie, is dying to see her perform so they can figure out who her song “Hate Me” is targeted at. Suzie is taking this very seriously, she has a deep feeling it’s about her and if it is, she plans to go ballistic on Kenya. With tomatoes.

“Really, boo? Is that how you feel? That’s just some foolery,” Shaunie admonishes Suzie from the safety of her confessional. In person, she laughs and tells Suzie to put the produce away.

When Kenya arrives onstage, she greets her audience and starts the song with her middle finger in the air.

As she sings, the reaction she gets from the ladies is highly entertaining.

“Her hair looked good,” Tami offers.

After her performance, Suzie comes right out and asks Kenya who the song is about, and Kenya dodges the question by saying it’s not about any of them, it’s about someone else she knows. Nobody buys it, so Tami says they should all get together for another conversation on the subject.

Kenya has the ladies over to her hotel room and right away they start discussing her performance. Tami offers some constructive criticism about how she sounded winded while singing and dancing. Kenya shuts that down and dismisses Tami, and then opens up the conversation about her song again. Suzie says that she thinks the song is about all of them, and Kenya asks “Do you want it to be about you?” (Gotta say, it sort of seems like she does, just so she can be mad about something, right?)

“I don’t give a f— about you,” Suzie yells at Kenya, who obviously isn’t thrilled to hear that since she’s hosting Suzie.

“I honestly think that Suzie is becoming overwhelmed now with the thought that she has to stand up for herself, that she’s not gonna be a punk,” Tami says.

And that’s when Suzie and her plate of meatballs lunge at Kenya.

Suzie tries to take her down but it takes everyone’s strength to pull Kenya off of her. Shaunie wants no part of this.

And Suzie, as Tami explains, gets her ass beat.

“Getting together with Kenya and the ladies tonight was an event I could have missed,” Tami says. “Because that was a hot-ass mess.” (Even though she suggested it, but she certainly couldn’t have seen this coming.)

They all walk out without acknowledging Kenya, who is lurking behind a corner ominously. But you know, maybe it’s best not to try and set anything else straight with anyone. Ever again.

And that concludes season five of Basketball Wives, ladies and gents. Little Tami, Little Suzie, Big Diva, and everyone else, we’re gonna miss you.