It’s Throwback Thursday and we are taking a weekly look back at old shows that you may (or may not) have forgotten about. First up: Tool Academy. For three seasons, the show duped a group of men, who thought of themselves as ballers, players, pimps and badasses, into thinking they were competing for the title of Mr. Awesome. Once on the show, they realized it was actually a charm school designed for tools. Each week, the men found themselves competing to prove their worth (and maturity) to their girlfriends, who had secretly enrolled them on the show. Of all the contestants on the series, these were the ones that tested us the most.
10. Angelo aka Teary Tool
Of all the tools from three seasons of Academy, Angelo was the weepiest. The guy cried. All. The. Time. To the point where the humor was gone and it was just embarrassing because it’s like, ’dude, seriously?’ But his fellow tools were the quickest to grow wary of it, noting that his tears started before group therapy.
9. Charm aka Shit Talkin’ Tool
Basically anytime Charm spoke, you set your eyes to perma-roll. But nothing topped this statement in episode two: “I’m a model and I’m not over here to let this dude break my face. This is all money right here. This is money. Money in the bank right there.” He’s a model, he’s not here to make friends!
8. Margo aka M.E.G.A.’s girlfriend
While there have been a share of questionable girlfriends on the show (Aida – season 1, Courtney – season 3), Margo was the first girlfriend to get her man eliminated. M.E.G.A. was one of the more mature men in the group but it was his girlfriend, who was holding him back. Relationship counselor Trina Dolenz saw through Margo’s guise and sent her and M.E.G.A. packing.
7. Josh aka Tiny Tool
In episode 3, seemingly nice guy Josh slips up in the worst way. When the tools start ranking their ladies in bed, Josh gives his girlfriend a six out of ten, claiming he could have better sex with a blow up doll. The moment got worse when Josh attempted to guess Ashley’s weight, saying she “could be 300 pounds, could be 200 pounds.” Unfortunately for Josh, the entire conversation was caught on camera and shown to her during group therapy. Oops!
6. Josh aka Spray Tan Tool
Sometimes there are poor losers and sometimes there is Josh. Not wanting to make himself look like an idiot, Josh refused to leave after being eliminated. When producers and security grew tired of his whining, they threatened him with trespassing and forcibly removed him from the premises. Host Jordan Murphy quickly grew tired of Josh’s stunt. “You’re a tool, you’ve been expelled, get the fuck out,” he screamed at the loser.
5. Jacob aka Neander-Tool
They don’t get more meathead than Jacob, who was all brawn and no brains. Jacob was the unlikely contender for the finale, especially after his constant outbursts, which included sparring with Angelo, intimidatingly chugging milk and smashing the TV with his foot. Ultimately he proved he was the biggest tool that needed the most help – somehow taking the crown in season three.
4. Daniel aka Glow Stick Tool
Nothing says tool like a jealous tirade. After girlfriend Lesly had one too many conversations with Kyle (see Jennavecia), Daniel went off on her. “No matter what I do, I can’t turn a ho into a housewife,” he screamed at Lesly in episode eight. Boom goes the dynamite! And when he was eliminated, Daniel took his rage one step further. Instead of begging for Lesly to stay with him, he dumped her on national TV. Glow Stick out!
3. Tommy aka Slacker Tool
All season, Tommy lived up to his nickname. He proved that he only cared about himself and when it came time to ask Krista to stay, she walked away. So when it came to the reunion, fans were surprised to learn the two were back together. But the blissful moment didn’t last long when Krista accused Tommy of cheating. Again. Aghast that she would charge him with infidelity, Tommy insisted on taking an impromptu lie detector test, which he failed. Krista got the last laugh when she slapped him and walked off the set.
2. Jennavecia aka Toolette
Where does one begin with Jennavecia? The Toolette represented a new generation of Tool, the female version. As the daughter of a brothel-owning-mother, Jenna’s constant cheating was confused for sexual empowerment. However, Jenna revealed how deluded she was when she railed against her boyfriend Kyle for spending too much time with a fake baby during the family values challenge. When Kyle wouldn’t play nice and share the baby, Jenna retaliated. “And that’s why I can never have a baby with you,” she yelled. But that wasn’t enough. As she was dragged to the limo (after being eliminated), she left one final message for Angelo’s girlfriend Dayna. “Blog about that, bitch,” she screamed. (Hey Jenna, don’t threaten her with a good time. That’s my job!)
1. Shawn aka Loud Mouth Tool
There are numerous instances when Shawn proved how much of a tool he could be (the piglet, his hair, etc.). However, nothing proved worse than when it was revealed that he had a big secret. During group therapy, Aida, Shawn’s ex-girlfriend, confronted him and his current “girlfriend,” Jaimee. Apparently, Shawn and Aida had been together for six years and things weren’t quite over for the couple. With a few screams and collective gasps, Aida took her seat next to her man while Jaimee was sent packing. Despite all the strain put on all the hair extensions, Shawn remained cool, focusing on the positive: “I did have two hot girlfriends at one point.”
I’m sorry guys, but you’re all just complete tools.
Want more Tool Academy? The entire series is now available for free on the VH1 app.
[Photo: VH1/495 Productions]