But what followed was a glorious meltdown that we need to recap in minute detail for the comedic nuances and brilliant reactions.
Katie returned to the clothing optional Dating Naked villa from the hospital with a shiner and a vengeance. She was going to place blame squarely on Keegan for not pulling the handbrake in time on the zipline, causing her to hit a 50-pound weight with her face. Keegan was already repulsed by Katie, and to see her spewing bile at him only made his feelings for her more apparent. Dan, on the other hand, who had previously been bullied by Keegan, was loving every minute of this. “She is gonna kill somebody and I am going to be on her side of the pool.”
Keegan excused himself and after many drinks, Katie ended up making out with Scott, the other meaty musclehead who quickly came to his senses and bailed on her. “She’s just…CRAZY.”
The next day at the…shall we say, rose ceremony?…Keegan chose Jessie as his first choice, and Katie let her feelings fly.
“F— this show…I hate everything about naked dating. F— this place, f— this island, f— you VH1!”
“Take your picture, bitches!”
To that, host Amy Paffrath, the essence of grace under fire, simply responded, “Katie…sorry about your face.” Amy, if your searching for a title to your autobiography, we’d like to suggest that.
That didn’t stop Katie from asking Amy to get naked. “Me and you should go on a f—ing date.” After shooting that idea down, Amy bid Katie farewell, saying “Bye, Katie! Sweet, sweet girl.”
Of course it ended with the greatest epilogue ever written:
Katie, wherever you are, we hope you found a ride or die type of guy who knows how to pull a hand brake.