12 Questions We Have After Watching the Second Episode of Empire Season 2

5. How would you describe Lucious’ flow?

By Michael Arceneaux, @youngsinick

To my surprise, I discovered that a lot of y’all felt that the season premiere of Empire was slow. What type of Speedy Gonzalez-like lives are you folks leading? In any event, hopefully this week’s edition was more to your liking. Personally, I felt like the storyline was too busy hitting the Quan to stay on task, but to each his own.

Now, let’s discuss as a family.

1. Does Jamal have Stockholm Syndrome?

I still can’t quite understand how Jamal and Lucious suddenly became BFFs given the chances of Lucious attending Jamal’s big gay wedding are about as likely as Meek Mill sucking Drake’s big toe on The Wendy Williams Show. I do understand that the pursuit of power can change a man, but something about this seems a bit forced — notably Jamal being so cold to Cookie. You know, the woman who rescued Jamal from the trashcan Lucious tossed him in.

2. How do we feel about Cookie’s wig having shades of blue in it?

In my mind, it was a subtle homage to Lil’ Kim’s “Crush On You” video. I approve.

3. What did you make of Ludacris’ debut on the show?

I’ll just say that Ludacris is no Meryl Streep. He’s definitely Lionel Richie in the face, but not as strong a thespian as my girl Meryl (I’m overlooking her saying she’s a “humanist” as opposed to a feminist). Some felt Ludacris was far more believable in his role as an overzealous corrections officer who would rather be district attorney than Chris Rock was as a cannibal goon. Eh. That’s like saying a fuck Gucci belt is more believable than a fake Chanel bag.

4. Can we talk about Tiana and her songs?

So, the actress who plays Tiana is gorgeous, but as far as her music goes, they sound like fake ass Rihanna songs. That can sometimes work, considering Rihanna’s catalog is full of far more wins than losses, but something is missing. I hope she figures it out, because she’s a beauty and her body roll is on point. You can’t let things like that go to waste.

5. How would you describe Lucious’ flow?

To me, Terrence Howard raps like trap Gargamel from The Smurfs.

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