The National Movement to Stop Squandering Michael Fassbender’s Hotness Starts Now
In case you hadn't already noticed, Michael Fassbender is really hot. Like, mind-bogglingly, otherworldly hot. You'd know it from his appearances on the red carpet, and from his magazine cover shoots, and from his just general, sexy appearance. You wouldn't, for the most part, know it from watching him on the big screen. Like, yes, he's looked sexy in some of his movies, but more often than not, his characters or anything but.
Fassy's latest film, Steve Jobs, puts him in the brilliant and complicated, but decidedly unsexy shoes of the Apple innovator, and once again, the actor's full talents are on display, but our collective drooling is put on the shelf. Why can't we have both, dammit?! There's rarely a middle ground with the star, and we here at VH1 are sending out a national movement— a call to effortlessly toned arms, if you will— to stop squandering the hotness.
The Oscar-nominated star is tremendously talented, but he's also crazy hot, so let's enjoy the fruits of both, shall we? Now, of course we're still going to see Steve Jobs (and the upcoming Macbeth, for that matter) but let's look back at the squandered hotness of his career. Warning: massive spoilers and wasted opportunities ahead!
Squandered Sexiness: He Looks Sexy, But The Character is So Completely Unsexy
In the critically-acclaimed but very bleak Shame, Michael certainly looks the part of a wealthy, powerful Manhattanite, but there's nothing hot about watching a man struggle with his harrowing sex addiction. For cryin' out loud, it's a movie with Full Frontal Fass and we can't even enjoy it. Shame, indeed. There's also his roles in movies like Fish Tank, in which he looks plenty fine, but plays a creepy, predatory jerk, or his part in Prometheus in which he rocks blonde hair, but is also a decapitated android, which is really of no use to any of us. You could also argue he looks very sexy in the X-Men movies (true), but young Magneto can be just so damn hard to root for.
Squandered Sexiness: He's Hot But They Kill Him Off
Before we get a chance to fully form our crush, foxy Fassy gets killed off in the likes of Inglorious Basterds, Haywire, and 300.
Squandered Sexiness: Just, Like, Zero Sexiness Whatsoever
Michael is utterly brilliant in films like Frank (in which he spends most of the film under a giant head), 12 Years a Slave (in which he plays a brutal, evil slave owner), Hunger (in which he plays an IRA hunger striker), but if you found any ounce of sexiness in these roles...uh, maybe you were watching different movies than we were. (We'd also throw Jonah Hex and The Counselor into this mix, but only because those movies were unspeakably bad and therefor, no sexiness.)
Like, just look at the guy! And he's got a sexy accent to boot! Put him in a rom-com or a somewhat-less depressing drama, for crying out loud!
We know he can dance, we know he can sing, we know he's charming as all hell (even Kate Winslet said so), we know he can be funny (that's evident in any late night talk show appearance he makes), and of course, we know he's hot. We totally respect the art and the craft and that he's turning out some of the best performances of the best past decade or so, but we'd admittedly love to see him play some eye candy for once. We promise to still see the art house stuff! You can be a sexy movie star and a brooding indie gem! We promise! Hollywood, hear our plea!