Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” has become terrible music to my ears.
When the video was released in December 1983, it quickly took the world by storm. Then in January 1984, the actual single dropped and it continued to be a fan favorite. However, over the years, I personally feel like people have been destroying the hell out of it–and it needs to stop.
I get that people are huge fans of the song. So am I! Or at least I was, before commercial America sucked the life out of it. “Thriller” should be more appreciated and honored. But I dislike it more and more every time I hear it attached to dumb events and things.
How is this happening, you might be asking? I’ll gladly show you the receipts.
These Annoying AF Party City Commercials
Every year without fail, Party City produces these corny commercials before Halloween that show kids dancing to “Thriller.” Every. Single. Year. Have these people ever heard the term “enough is enough”? Their ads make me want to pull my hair out every Halloween season. Stop it, Party City. You’re driving me insane.
Ads For Workshops That Teach You The Choreography
You can NOT be serious right now. This is just extreme. You do realize that you can just watch the video multiple times for free on YouTube right?
This Annual Opera/”Thriller”-Themed Halloween Showcase
Who told these guys that “Thriller” combined with opera was OK? Who signed off on this disaster? I simply cannot.
Dancers Feel The Need To Perform The Video’s Choreography Ever Year
Whatever happened to just enjoying the Halloween parade? Zombies barely move, ya know.
The Word “Thriller” Is Used WAY TOO MUCH By The Media
Doing too much is alive and well during the Halloween season. From one writer to a next, expanding your vocabulary won’t kill you.
Microsoft Made A Struggle Gif
I’m all for fun emojis, but this is just too much. Since new emojis are available now, can you imagine what will happen in the future? “Thriller”-inspired phone or tablet features galore! The list of MJ randomness will go on and on.
Awkward Movie Scenes With Actors Looking Like They’re In Pain When They Do The Dance
Watching people dance to the song should be fun, not painful. Also, if you’re going to dance to it…know how to dance.
Cartoon Characters Are Doing It Too
Their faces are more frightening than Michael’s in the original video.
People Get Too Remix Happy With It
Why is it so difficult for people to leave classics the hell alone? I guarantee you no one was waiting for another version of this.
People Really Think It’s OK To Roam The Street Looking Like Hot MessesGetty Images
“But hot messes always roam the streets,” you say. Very true. But “Thriller”-obsessed people add nasty things like fake blood and guts to their messy selves. That just makes everything even worse–the highest temperature of hot mess. I mean third degree burn-level–and nobody has time for that.