Recently, alleged recorded artist Rita Ora drew the ire of people with taste the world over when she suggested a new cover of “Lady Marmalade” featuring her and a few other names that did not belong. Ora was quoted explaining: “It’s always been my goal to create another ’Lady Marmalade.’ I’m trying to round up the troops – I think it would be me, Miley [Cyrus], Charli XCX – she’d be fun – and Iggy [Azalea].”
Knowing she has far too many strikes against her, Iggy Azalea took to Twitter and wrote: “Please leave me out of the whole Lady Marmalade conversation. I have nothing to do with ritas ideas & agree it should be left alone. Thanks.”
Indeed it should. Although Rita Ora needs to go find something else to do besides give music fans nightmares, there is something to be said about a good cover. Say, Britney Spears’ somewhat surprisingly solid rendition of “Tom’s Diner.” They don’t all have to be as horrible as what Rita Ora suggested.
With that in mind, I have more suggestions.
Rihanna performing Apollonia 6’s “Sex Shooter”
Frankly, I don’t know why this has not happened yet. While we have since learned by way of Vanity Fair that she’s not as sexual off stage as she is on, that’s none of my business. I’d like to keep the dream alive, ergo, I want Rihanna to cover this on stage. I need the vocals, the body rolls, and the perfect attire. And if she needs a background dancer, I’m happy to play the part of Brenda or Susan. Unlike Pusha T, I’m secure enough in my masculinity to do it.
Nicki Minaj performing Salt ‘n Pepa’s “Shoop”
So, we’ve already been treated to a preview of what this could sound like and I’m sold. It would not be the first time a rapper paid homage to the hip-hop legends. Mia X did a fantastic rendition of “I’ll Take Your Man” and I quite enjoy Foxy Brown’s cover of “Tramp.” Nicki would kill this and considering the age group of her core fan base, expose them to Salt ‘n Pepa.
Christina Aguilera performing Teena Marie’s “Casanova Brown”
Who remembers Christina Aguilera’s gorgeous rendition of Whitney Houston’s “Run To You” performed at the 2000 BET Awards? Or Aguilera’s equally beautiful rendition of “I Loves You Porgy?” Christina’s music has ebb and flowed through the years, but when given proper material, she always nails it. A lot of people don’t know this song, but it’s a classic from the late legend that X-Tina would kill. Do it. Do it. Do it.
Ariana Grande performing Toni Braxton’s “Let It Flow”
I’m a huge fan of Toni Braxton. I’m quite a fan of Ariana Grande. Both of those women mumble like hell. Ariana Grande is essentially Mariah Carey with Toni Braxton’s penchant for word sorcery. I’m curious to see which one is the biggest offender and what better way to solve it than to hand Ariana the mic and cue up a Toni Braxton classic.
Sam Smith performing Tender Pendergrass’s “Come Go With Me”
No shade to Sam Smith, but I don’t find this man to be at all soulful, and for every fool that argues otherwise, I want to hear that young British man take a stab at some real soul music and see what’s good? I bet it won’t sound anything like Christopher Williams’ version.
dumblonde performing Changing Faces’ “Stroke You Up”
Since I refer to Aubrey and Shannon as “The White Changing Faces,” why not have my girls cover the real thing. I wouldn’t mind a dance version of the freak ‘n B classic. And you just know Aubrey knows the words and has danced to it before.
Fantasia performing Adele’s “Hello”
I’m curious to know what any Adele song would sound like when sang by a woman who likes to keep her shoes in the air while performing a number on stage, aren’t you?
Charli Baltimore performing Iggy Azalea’s “Pu$$y”
Because I think it’s about time folks heard the source of Iggy Azalea’s flow.
Beyoncé performing Prince’s “Private Joy”
Yoncé would kill this in the studio and certainly on stage. There are many other Prince songs to choose from, but I want her to cover this one. I want her to wear that big curly fro weave that she wore when she did the “Work It Out” video, too.
JoJo performing Betty Wright’s “Tonight Is The Night”
Look, I remember JoJo when she was just that cute young white girl who covered SWV. However, for one reason or another, many of my friends and I want her to be an old Black woman so badly. I mean, not like Rachel Dolezal’s Fake Ass Freddie Brooks from A Different World self; think more so Teena Marie’s play niece (i.e. she’s white, but she doesn’t like when they don’t season their food or sing with soul either). Sonically, the girl is best when she’s doing soulful material and given she’s already covered Anita Baker, she might as well add Betty Wright to the list. I don’t doubt for a second that JoJo doesn’t know this song.