When celebrity couples are on the rocks, they can save themselves the headache of therapy session after therapy session, thousands of dollars and their dignity if they just looked up for the answers written in the stars. Or the next best thing: Astrology.com. If you’re spending your nights awake shipping new couple Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton or wondering exactly what makes sense about mystery couple Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble, we, AKA Astrology.com’s love compatibility section, have all the answers you need.
But beware, zodiac lovers. The stars can prove to be completely bogus and leave you brokenhearted. You may come to learn Victoria and David Beckham remain one of Hollywood’s strongest couple even if their signs suggest otherwise. Was it worth it for you to obsess over your daily horoscope and hold out for a Capricorn all this time? Dare to read on, friends, and find out.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: Libra and Gemini
I see “intellectual interests,” which in this case, clearly means fashion, and that Kanye’s sign “loves the beauty of an idea.” All I can think of is Kim’s reaction to Kanye announcing he was running for president in the next election and this all seems about right.
Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill: Sagittarius and Taurus
The stars suggest a little push and pull in Nicki and Meek’s relationship, but will steamy sexual chemistry overcome that? Probs.
Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble: Scorpio and Scorpio
If they’re not already, these two should be having sex all day, everyday, 6-7 days a week. I’m pregnant from reading their compatibility, honestly.
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton: Libra and Gemini
They love art, they love ideas, so basically what I’m getting is that they’re going to sing sweet nothings to each other until Gwen gets fed up with Blake’s Gemini, “chatty” ass.
Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling: Pisces and Scorpio
This only confirms Ryan’s “mysterious” Scorpio ways which isn’t shedding anymore light on this already mysterious-as-hell couple. Damn you, Astrology.com. What are you good for?
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: Gemini and Sagittarius
So these two are conquering the universe with their worldly adventures and being insanely in love while doing so. Didn’t we know that already?
Joseline Hernandez and Stevie J.: Scorpio and Scorpio
Like Kris and Corey: sex on sex on sex on sex on sex on sex on OK, it’s time for an ice pack.
Victoria and David Beckham: Aries and Taurus
The stars suggest Victoria and David’s personality differences can cause friction for them romantically, but their 16-year marriage proves otherwise, so I dunno.
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux: Aquarius and Leo
Do these newlyweds have what it takes for forever? If they can put up with each other’s bulls–t, I mean, “challenges,” then sure, why not.
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake: Pisces and Aquarius
So they respect each other’s opinions and ideas, etc. etc. but like, how is their sex life, just wondering?
Beyonce and Jay-Z: Virgo and Sagittarius
Bey’s sign “demand[s] perfection.” Who would’ve thought…
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher: Leo and Aquarius
These two will never have a dull moment. That said, if Ashton tries to get Mila Punk’d, she better put his ass in check ASAP.
There you have it. Do the cosmic answers add up to you? Or is it just a bunch of BS? While you think about it, I’m gonna go check my horoscope.