Being Mary Jane Season 3, Episode 6: Rock Out With Your (What?!) Out

Why is Mary Jane dressed like one of the Kardashians?

By Michael Arceneaux

On tonight’s Being Mary Jane, the show’s resident gay, Mark Bradley, finds himself in the midst of scandal after a photo of him and his penis having a nice night on the time with another gentleman surfaces. Meanwhile, Mary Jane tries to juggle the side pieces she’s been picking up along the way while also enjoying some newfound perks that come with doing prime time. And then there is my boo, Kara, who finds herself popping off on her fellow office Latina.

Let’s discuss.

Have you talked about wanting to smash President Obama with the homies?

No disrespect to my all time favorite First Lady, Michelle Obama, but yes, I, too, have succumb to discussions of wanting to have sex with President Obama. Even with his Newport mouth (that’s code for black lips associated with smoking, beloveds), that man is legendary bae. I feel so awful for typing this, but you know, I’ve got to walk in my truth.

What did you make of Mary Jane’s circle of homegirls, the anchorettes?

I want to live in a world where all of the Black female news anchors regularly hang out and discuss sex and politics over marked down drinks during the happy hour portion of the club. Like, someone please tell me that Tamron Hall calls Gayle King, Richelle Carey, and other fly Black woman news anchors over for drinks. Lie to me. I need to believe this happens.

Why is Mary Jane training to treat her THOTs less humane?

You know, I don’t appreciate folks encouraging Mary Jane to treat the men she keeps relegated to only sex-status as subhuman. Is she a little too nice to them? Maybe, but so what. We should all be a little kinder — even if it’s to people whose mouths we want no parts of unless they’re *loses signal*. Perhaps it’s the southern gent in me, but c’mon nah, y’all. Don’t shun Mary Jane for being a little too sweet. Lord knows she isn’t that nice to that many people.

What do you do when the man you’re having sex has a seizure in your bed?

I’d probably scream and call 9-1-1. Shout out to Mary Jane for being so quick on her feet, though. Also for later asking him about it despite him clearly being uncomfortable talking about it. I’m assuming there’s a future concussion-related storyline on the horizon.

Can people stop saying “gay is the new Black?”

I just want you all to know that I definitely said “shut up” at the screen when Mary Jane told Mark that “gay was the new Black” i.e. trendy. When you’re gay and Black, you know how stupid this is. Black is the same old Black. Gay is gay. When you’re Black and gay, double your trouble. Stop saying this.

Anderson Cooper is all over the world, but Mark can’t go anywhere?

I know it’s just a television show, but I’m trying to understand how Anderson Cooper has to get a new passport every other week on CNN, and yet, I’m to believe that Mark can’t go anywhere for fear of being attacked by some homophobic bigots in Nigeria? I mean, I know that’s a legitimate concern – I am not rushing to certain parts of the world for this very reason – and yet in the context of the story, it doesn’t seem to mesh reality. However, not Don Lemon needed more screen time, so whatever.

Why is Mary Jane dressed like one of the Kardashians?

I understand that she got a clothing budget now, but what was that white number she was wearing? You know, the one that looked like big ass, deflated clouds were stuck to her arms? That wasn’t it. Or am I off? You can tell me. I can take it. I promise.

Are we glad Mary Jane apologized to Greg?

Usually, my first thought is to not go “Well, the white man is right,” but Mary Jane shouldn’t have been surprised Greg was going out of his way to keep Mark on the station. I mean, he dealt with your CP-time, attitudinal self. Don’t be that shocked, sis. I’m glad she apologized. Greg deserved it.

Were you ready for Kara’s beef with Marisol?

I knew there was some tension, but that confrontation felt somewhat abrupt, no? That said, I loved like hell at Kara telling she’s been in the office “prancing like a Chiquita banana.” Bloop.

Would Mary Jane had been a ho for smashing more than one in a week?

I vote no. And before you try me, think of NeNe Leakes saying on the reunion coach, “I SAID WHAT I SAID.”

Is Mary Jane over it?

There was this underlying criticism about the state of news i.e. people caring more about the salacious, entertainment-centered portions more than anything else. I’ve heard this before from colleagues (including actual news anchors), so I can only imagine her frustration. Hell, I can very much attest to knowing there will always be more people invested in my pop culture-rooted pieces more than anything else. With that in mind, I can’t be mad that she’s taken a more cynical approach to her career: rock her hips, then wave in sip in that couture. Mark’s rebuttal was just as valid, though. I’m hoping Mary Jane finds a middle ground, because primetime is the right time to stir things up. And not in a CNN kind of way. Blah.