Being Mary Jane Season 3, Episode 7: Darn, It Is The 21st

Let’s get to talking, beloveds.

By Michael Arceneaux

It would have been too much like right if Mary Jane Paul’s [age undetermined] birthday were solely centered on love, celebration, friendship, good food, and lots of that high saddity liquor I’m sure she only drinks. Sure, there was some of that seen on the latest episode of Being Mary Jane, but there was also drama, resentment, pain, and sadness. Lord almighty, these folks are draining, but in the most entertaining of ways.

Let’s get to talking, beloveds.

Why does Mary Jane’s stylist sound half asleep?

Based on the lines the actor is no doubt forced to say, I would expect a lot more energy from him. However, he’s quite the lethargic one when it comes to his delivery. Like, I’ve never heard someone say they’re “getting life” while sounding like they’ve just awakened from a coma. That’s no shade to the actor in question. Maybe he was told to be that way. I’m not entirely sure, but I couldn’t keep going on with my life without mentioning it in this space I’ve been allotted to dissect the show.

This show really understands Twitter, right?

When Mary Jane’s fans were tweeting her birthday wishes, one stuck out in particular: “You fine for a drk girl. HBD.” That is exactly some rude bullshit someone on Twitter would say. By the way, if you use, “HBD,” do humanity a favor: quit it. That is some laziness that is unforgivable. Type out “Happy Birthday.” It will not give you arthritis and it’ll only require a few paltry more seconds of effort.

Did Mary Jane’s co-worker really drop that bomb at her office birthday party?

Okay, so I would surely want to know if my brother was a part of some scandal that’s subject to federal investigation, but I wouldn’t want to know 1) at my birthday party thing at work, and 2) in the context of potentially putting my brother on blast on national TV. Have some decorum, sir. You could have just sent a follow up email the next morning.


How long before B.J. asks Mary Jane to put some money on his books?

My main is going to jail, y’all. While that speech he gave about white folks getting away with gaming the system was cute, I’m glad Mary Jane clapped back with the real: sure, but your Black ass won’t. He is so one of those really smart people who have no patience, thus they turn into a get rich quick scheme that ultimately lands them in handcuffs and stuck wearing the color orange. I also didn’t appreciate him going, “Oh yeah, it is the 21st.” More on that soon.

Is Kara going to have sex with her ex-husband soon?

I’m inclined to say no and she’ll end up back with the boo thang from Madam Secretary, but because she’s so horny, she might end up giving her estranged, annoying hubby some mercy sex in the name of self-care.

So Patrick is getting high again?

I’m assuming those pills are to help him stay awake for the night shift and do the extra work necessary to stay employed. Poor thing. He’s a fiend. It won’t be long now before Mary Jane gets a call about him being butt naked under the freeway turning tricks from a hit.

Are we surprised that Nicey bought Coach bags and Michael Kors shirts with her first check?

She seems like the kind of girl who would rush to buy both items. She also is exactly the sort of person who has long been in desperate need of a job to provide for others only to spend her ends on herself. She gets on my nerves.

“I had an abortion.”

I can’t say that I blame Mary Jane for feeling a way that her family didn’t do much in the way of celebrating her birthday. Yes, she’s judgmental. Okay, she can be harsh and contemptuous. On the other hand, she’s never lying and she often is right when she’s gathering her relatives — most of which depend on her for one thing or several. They really could have gotten the woman a cake, a card, and put on some Drake for her just to say thank you for all that you do.

That said, that’s a hell of a way to tell your pops that you had an abortion. His response was the best, though. No judgment, only sympathy and support for his daughter who was clearly in pain at the time. Shaft is a great TV dad. Well, he coddles Nicey too much, but he’s her granddad so I get it.

“I never danced in public.”

I’m so sorry about Shug Avery falling. I did appreciate what she told Mary Jane at the end about how she always wanted to dance, but didn’t in public because she feared she would look silly. Not to be Mary Jane Paul and make it about me, but I used to feel the same way about dancing — because they minute I start to bop, you can clock me. Thankfully, stronger sense of self and Beyoncé’s B’Day album got me over that hump.

Listen to Ms. Helen, folks. When you get a chance to twerk to Future, do it. Unlike Jennifer Lopez, your legs could ultimately give out on you. Hit your prime squats while you still can.