Empire Season 2, Episode 10 Review: Poor Fake Kelly Ripa

Also, how delusional is Lucious Lyon?

By Michael Arceneaux

The first half of the second season of Empire has been interesting to say the least. Interesting is my polite way of saying inconsistent. I’ve made it through to the finale with each of you, but y’all know this show goes from soap opera to Telemundo show to Nollywood and then has the nerve to sometimes try to be a serious drama. I’m surprised I am not wearing a neck brace trying to keep up with the twists and turns that have happened since September.

Now that I’ve released that, let’s move on and discuss what all went down.

So is Laz Delgado dead?

I assume so, but I wish I would’ve been given more time to grieve.

“I would stay close to my Twitter notifications.” Who talks like that?

Apparently, Jason Derulo does. You should never follow suit, though. Never, ever.

What woman would be this excited and presumptuous after kissing a gay guy?

You mean to tell me that Skye didn’t know this apparent hugely popular star in Jamal Lyons was gay before she decided to sleep with him? Granted, maybe she assumed after the fact that he was bisexual, but she seemed to be operating under the assumption that her vagina magically transformed him from a taken gay man to her boyfriend. Now that I think about it, do you think anyone on set said, “Alicia went from taking Mashonda’s man in real life to Michael’s on the show?” Okay, that was a little petty, but so was Skye’s behavior. I can see why Lucious’ dumb, hateful ass wanted to believe Skye “fixed” Jamal, but what kind of trip was she on?

And where the hell has Michael been? He can smell an erect penis near his man from a mile away. You mean to tell me that dude can’t also peg a pestering straight woman trying to get what’s his, too?

By the way, we got way too much of her singing last night.

How did Def Noap get so nominated for a major award three minutes after being signed?

As far as we knew prior to the finale, Freda Gatz was a recent signee to Empire Records whose claim to fame was a diss track to Hakeem. Now, she’s pushing him out of a major rap category based off of this mysterious hit single we know nothing about? If y’all say so, staff writers.

Why was the nomination process so long?

It felt like they were announcing nominees for that damn awards show for three months.

What was that biracial brouhaha with Skye about?

I understand Charlamagne Tha God had to make that cameo count, but we didn’t know nearly enough about Skye’s character for all of that. I mean, they had her as R&B Rachel Dolezal.

Why didn’t Da Brat give us a few bars?

I mean, I was hoping her and Cookie might’ve entertained us with a spirited rendition of “Funkdafied” or “Give It To You.” Maybe in the Spring? Here’s hoping.

Did Jamal really grab a Pepsi from a homeless man on the D train?

That didn’t seem real at all. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to process what it’s like to watch paid advertising included on a major TV show. I’m used to product placement, but that was a real commercial included in the storyline of a TV show.

What would the real Naomi Campbell have done to Cookie?

Yo, spitting in someone’s face is pretty much one of the most disrespectful things you can ever do to a person. On the show, Camille, just stood there and took the saliva, but I know the real Nay Nay Campbell would’ve cracked Cookie’s skull open with her iPhone 6 mere seconds after that move.

Who is going through all of that trouble for Hakeem?

Let Camille tell it, she spent her MIA time marrying a lesbian in the name of revenge for her boo thang? Granted, based on what is to come, Hakeem will be running the show, but that sounds too good to be true. Like, couldn’t she have just not let at all? Why do I keep trying to make sense of this senseless show? And where does this fit that little girl from Destiny’s Bilingual Child?

How delusional is Lucious Lyon?

Considering all of the awful things he’s done for Hakeem, I’m not at all surprised Hakeem opted to strip him of his cherished spot atop of the label he founded. That was cute of Cookie to try to get Hakeem to see that when you take on one Lyon, you take on all of them, but this man has done so much damage to his son – including keeping him away from his mama – I’m surprised he didn’t dropkick Lucious in the face directly after voting alongside Mimi.

Was it really that bad Lucious?

Okay, having your label taken from you sucks, but Lucious, why were channeling Tony Montana? Help me understand, somebody.

Why did Anika have to push fake ass Kelly Ripa down those stairs?

Rhonda has had such a hard life, y’all, and she’s pretty much the only true ride or die romantic partner on this show. Okay, Cookie back in the day, but Rhonda in the present.

Why the March preview look better than this entire first half of the second season?

I am trying to be hopeful about what’s to come on Empire, but this first half was like Kelly Rowland’s solo career: it has had its share of bright spots, but I’ve needed my flashlight to navigate through the darkness more times than I’d like. And don’t take it that badly, Kelly Rowland fans. I’ve bought most of her albums. Yes, I’m serious.

Can we get more Tiana next year?

Listen, her character is nothing more than Rihnahgirl, but of all the acts on this show, her Great American Value brand Rihanna tracks have long proven to be the best. Use her more. Actually, get her to figure out how to include Taylor Swift on the show. I’d love to see Cookie curse her out.

Can we find something better for Anika to do, too?

Something that actually makes sense unless that’s asking for too much.

Watch the Empire cast congratulate Taraji P. Henson for her VH1 Big In 2015 with Entertainment Weekly award.