Being Mary Jane Season 3, Episode 9: “You Are A White Man in America”

We have some questions.

By Michael Arceneaux

On tonight’s episode of Being Mary Jane, Patrick’s car breaks down as does my last patience levels at the sight of CeCe, who once again dominated another episode. I wish Mara Brock Akil would write out a death scene for her. Find some other ornery Black woman to hold Mary Jane’s feet to the fire. In any event, let’s discuss last night.

Is Daddy back on drugs again?

My thug went from Bun B to Anita Baker ballad after hearing Patrick’s daughter as Mary Jane if her pops is back on that shit. Well, I’m paraphrasing, but that’s what the kid meant. Poor girl. It’s never easy for a child to have to grow up fast enough to realize their parent is an addict. She’s a fictional TV character, but I did lift her in prayer all the same.

Did Mary Jane try to feed that child granola and a quinoa/kale salad?

Literally seconds after I thought about how cute Mary Jane was serving as custodial parent with her niece, she tries to feed that child as if she’s reading Goop every morning. Bless Mary Jane’s heart, but no child wants granola for breakfast and a quinoa/kale salad for lunch. Hell, I don’t even want that. I personally want some chicken strips right now. Hold the toy. I’m not that much of a kid.

Has Mary Jane become her parents’ bitch?

First, I cackled like hell at Kara giving it to Mary Jane this straight. It’s classic Kara, but something about telling your friend that you’ve become your mama and daddy’s bitch is hysterical. She was right, though. Mary Jane has been like the Big Mama of the family despite being the middle child. Much of that has to do with her income, and well, Mary Jane having no problem being evil when duty calls. Still, Kara was correct in that when it comes to Patrick, it’s not her fight, it is her parents’ battle. And towards the end, even Paul Sr. realized that he and his wife have given too much of themselves trying to take care of their adult children and cover for their mistakes.

What would you do if someone advised you to entitle your show “Ugly Black Woman?”

Or I guess I should ask, how loud would you yell at them? I know that it comes from a previous segment, but there was something about that smug TV boss who barely had Mary Jane’s attention saying that that made me want to sic Rev. Al on her.

Why is CeCe still with us?

Loretta Devine has done a tremendous job of playing the purported pro-Black, spiritual, money-grubbing CeCe – who, by the way, kinda hit on Mary Jane with that “if I fall on my knees, it’s to…” line – but I want her to fall directly into a fire pit of hell and leave me alone already. Sure, she helped Mary Jane readjust “Talkback” better, but she proceeds to blackmail her again.

Mary Jane Paul, you need to go ahead and call Robin Roberts and set up an interview. That way you can confess and strip CeCe of the power she has over you. Or you can fight her the next she shows up unannounced on your property. I’m sure Kara will bail you out, sis.

Aren’t you glad Patrick found a friend?

If not for the woman who works at the school pushing him to step it up, we likely would’ve had to watch at least four minutes of him acting like a baby without a bottle. Thank you, sensible Black character. You are appreciated.

Do you hate John, too?

Kara’s estranged husband is annoying as hell. Most of my hatred was rooted in him constantly bagging on her for being a workaholic. Yes, she could have been more attentive to an extent, but the reality is SHE IS COVERING FOR YOUR NON HUSTLING ASS, FOOl. That’s why I was so glad when Kara told his wine-tipsy self, “You are a white man in America. You can be anything.”

And yet, he’s stumbling over an essay. Do you know how many essay I’ve written today? Actually, any day of the workweek and on the weekend through the years? Enough to know a white man sitting on his ass trying to piece together one essay while his wife handles the workload is some nonsense. I hate that whiny man. He is a waste of white male privilege. He is the Rob Kardashian of white people.

Has Nicey finally gotten the help she is?

As you know, Nicey’s entitled self gets on my nerves, but I will say, for a moment there, when her uncle tried to rag on her, I felt bad. She does indeed need to step it up, but there’s something to be said about why she’s so broken. Even so, it was good that he offered to help cover her daycare costs, cosmetology school tuition as well as push her to push her two baby daddy’s families to better pitch in. I hope she steps it up. If not, I’ll hate her forever.