If you haven’t become YouTube famous by now, you may as well give up on life and yourself. People go to seriously concerning lengths to get their 15 minutes of fame, and what better way to do it than pulling at the heartstrings of hopeless romantics dwelling in their parents’ basements and showing the world your truly one-of-a-kind marriage proposal.
YouTube proposals are so overdone, they even have a standard formula:
1. Use Bruno Mars’ “Marry Me” or Frozen’s “Love Is an Open Door”
2. Type out what we’re about to witness with a cheesy graphic and font type, because us watching and figuring it out for ourselves isn’t enough
3. Then, give a long-winded introduction to the camera explaining how good of a person you are and the proposal your future fiance has “no idea” about
And if you’re looking to truly wow us, you can take it to a whole other level of tackiness like these thirst kings did. Prepare yourself for 10 YouTube marriage proposals that may do irreparable damage to your stance on love and overall well-being.
I get that there’s something romantic in revisiting the place you first met (in this case, a Starbucks) to propose. But why is the unknowing woman in this scenario rock climbing before the proposal reveal in the Starbucks? What’s happening here? Did I miss something? Is this a deleted scene from Lost? This is way too complicated for me, peeps. I’m out.
“My Surprise Acapella Musical Proposal at Disneyland”
If I want to see some singing and dancing at Disney in between riding Splash Mountain and housing a turkey leg, I have the parade on Main Street, thank you very much. Besides, trying to upstage the innocent people sweating their asses off in their costumes around Magic Kingdom? Selfish.
“Surprise Wedding Proposal from the Dentist Chair”
Q: Why the f–k would I want my marriage proposal to remind me of the excruciating experience of getting my gums ruthlessly poked at for hours? Why?? The woman being proposed to is a dentist, so it seems like a cute concept. But…no.
“Probably One of the Hottest and Most Creative Marriage Proposals Ever” AKA an Awkward Street parade
This guy decided to have his future fiance sit on the back of a moving vehicle while people (who could be perfect strangers or even serial killers, for all we know) parade in the street to a synchronized dance. This puts my fear of molesters, and commitment issues, over the edge.
“Jamin’s Downtown Disney Flashmob Proposal”
We’ve seen about 8,321 tacky flashmobs and 4,854 Disney proposals. So why would it be a good idea to combine the two? Did you think this was original? Was your girlfriend drug-induced when she agreed to this proposal? I’m sure even Walt, the creator of fairy tales and happy endings, is pissed in his grave right now.
“Frozen’s ’Love is an Open Door’ Surprise Proposal”
Since we already have you skeeved out from these pedophile-esque dancing and Disney proposals, we’re going to really corrupt your soul with this unbelievably cheesy couple lip syncing to a Frozen song. Who does this in their spare time? How could this woman have honestly been that “surprised” after planning and videotaping a routine to this song with her boyfriend? I’m over it.
Another “’Love Is an Open Door’ Proposal”
Just when you thought it couldn’t be taken any further, this creepy couple decided to also lip sync to the same Frozen song on video, but this time, on a playground surrounded by children. If no one called the police, we have bigger problems here.
“A Pitch Perfect Proposal”
This guy had USC acapella groups sing for his girlfriend while he publicly proposed on stage. A decent plan in theory, but the execution had me seconds away from gouging my own eyes out. Was it necessary for him to bare his soul in front of all these strangers? Did they sign up for this? Did they get their money back? Enraged.
“Proposal at Nursing College”
This girl got proposed to in the middle of class, and the look of sheer disgust on the other students’ faces is me in this very moment. I’d be pissed if this douchebag barged into my class to make a public spectacle of his proposal, and I’m pissed about it now for myself and the other 3 million+ people who witnessed this hot mess via YouTube.
“Cory and Tabithia ’Love Story'”
Not only did these assh—s put their proposal to the already-corny “Love Story” by Taylor Swift, but they semi recreated her music video, videoing the bride-to-be in an actual wedding gown. I hate society right now.