While We’re Rebooting Dirty Dancing, Here Are Some Other Musicals We Should Greenlight

Ain’t no story wild enough. Ain’t not plotline crazy enough. Ain’t no remake kooky enough. To keep me from you.

-by Michael Arceneaux

Last week, it was confirmed that Abigail Breslin will play Baby in ABC’s Dirty Dancing TV movie musical. My immediate response was, “Oh, I’m not watching that.” However, for a person who does not like musicals but will occasionally watch one – i.e. The Wiz – I have a few suggestions on musicals that ought to happen sooner than later. Before you even say “Enough musicals!” give it up, turn it loose. They’re happening throughout 2016 and beyond. Let’s just all get a piece of the action.

SWV: The Musical

For one anyone that’s watched the new cancelled WeTV reality series, SWV Reunited, you know those women are basically three aunties who love each other but don’t always like each other. I, for one, would love a musical version of their journey complete with Coko cursing out LeeLee and Taj in song. And vice versa, of course. I also want to see them perform “Downtown,” “Can We,” and all of the other sex songs it took Coko years to start singing again after she got all extra Christian on the world.

Bebe’s Kids: The Musical

I would say the members of Mindless Behavior could star in this, but I assume, 1. they’re 45 now, 2. that wouldn’t get this green lit in 2015. Round up some badass kids who can sing or lip sync for their lives to do this. Oh, wait. I know: book those kids who play twins on Black-ish. They are everything.

Dreamgirls

But like, a cool version with trap R&B numbers added in. And can we get Future somehow involved? I’m not sure in what capacity, but I just want him there. Thing is, this could end up like Carmen: A Hip Hopera. I don’t want that. So be careful. No shade to you, Beyoncé. I still sing the songs you did.

Love and Hip Hop: The Musical

I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened yet. I would recommend Joseline Hernandez star in it and the story would be based on how she went from essentially stealing Stevie J from Mimi, subsequently creating a seemingly lifelong enemy, only to end up having some kind of weird Sister Wives situation. Stevie J can score.

Another K. Michelle musical.

Okay, so K. Michelle’s musical was somewhat polarizing, but generally speaking, I like the idea of K. Michelle doing more musicals. Plus, the songs from her debut album that she revamped were spectacular – specifically her reworking of “Damn.” K. Michelle is hilarious, she can sing, and is full of theatrics. Actually, let me write the play out and then someone here should just forward it to her so we can make magic.

Good Times: The Musical

Picture it: Porsha Williams as Thelma, singing about her struggle to THOT on a ghetto budget. I would sure like to hear how difficult it is to save your coins to score the perfect Instagram boutique dress to go on the date with the football player you met on IG.

I can already see some of you hating on these ideas, calling me tacky and over-the-top. I’d like you all to know that we live in a world of Tyler Perry, Lee Daniels, and Ryan Murphy. Ain’t no story wild enough. Ain’t not plotline crazy enough. Ain’t no remake kooky enough. To keep me from you.