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Ruby Rose Is Back on the Market, So These Orange Is the New Black Babes Need to Get Their Bodies Ready

Litchfield, hear our prayer.

Ring-a-ding-ding no more, bitches: Ruby Rose is single. After a 20-month engagement, this sex on a stick and her GF Phoebe Dahl called it quits. Now that the two went through the most bizarre breakup of all time (seriously, how TF are they remaining that nice to each other?), they’re ready to move onward and upward. For Ruby, that means upward into the pants of fellow Litchfield inmates.

You know you hate to love when two costars inevitably get together. K. Stew and R. Patz, Brangelina, Bert and Ernie. You get the idea. Now, it’s only a matter of time for Ruby to get down with one of her Orange Is the New Black costars, and until then, we’re going to ship the s–t out of them.

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Here are five of Litchfield’s finest who should prepare themselves for Stella and her bod.

  1. Alex

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    Alex had it out for Stella for, you know, hooking up with her girlfriend Piper, but that hate could be turned into intenese passion on one of those prison cots, am I right? Plus, these b’s are a match because they be cray. #TrustNoBitch.

  2. Flaca

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    Stella’s cool-girl chill could actually be good fit for Flaca’s no chill Latina spiciness. Balance, people. These savvy baes would also be running a low-key black market biz way better than Piper’s used panty business in no time. Cash money, honey.

  3. Big Boo

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    Bad bitches like these are hard to come by. Together, would be Litchfield’s tatted up power couple feared by all. You know Big would entice Stella in participating in some freaky ish. Here for that life.

  4. Poussey

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    Poussey is the sweet little buttercup who has just what it takes to crack Stella’s hard exterior. But don’t underestimate her. If you mess with Stella, she’d have no problem protecting her girl and f—ing you up. Dream team right here.

  5. Piper

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    After totally screwing each other over last season, you know their makeup sex would be goddamn explosive. Plus, if I see Piper and Alex keep trying to make it work and being all annoyingly sensitive, I will be more pissed than dead Vee.

It’s time. Make it happen, ladies.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
@taylorferber